ByVaria Fedko-Blake, writer at
Staff Writer at Moviepilot! [email protected] Twitter: @vfedkoblake
Varia Fedko-Blake

The medieval ages were a time of social crisis, rebellion and conflict. Not to mention a period in which the horrors of disease and the Black Death malevolently ravaged European populations, causing millions of people to drop like flies.

Harsh, uncertain and often dangerous, the reality of life in the Middle Ages was a far cry from the heroic and romantic perspective drawn from contemporary film and literature.

Thankfully, writer and comedian Rachel Bloom knows only too well that Disney's own brand of medievalism forms false ideas about the period and the reality of life in the Dark Ages. As a response, she has created her own princess scenario, which exposes the difficulties of Disney settings that lie beneath the facade of cheery love songs.

By dropping us into a medieval village devastated by the plague, Bloom depicts a society in which basic medicine fails, poverty is rife, young girls are subject to arranged marriages and minorities are exiled from their homes.

For those of you who want to see a more realistic take on the typical princess-seeking-her-prince scenario, the song named "Historically Accurate Disney Princess" is a witty 3-minutes well spent.

But before I launch you straight into the catchy song, take a look at the short breakdown below:

The clip begins conventionally as a young girl wanders through her "glowing" and "quiet" hometown

It's only quiet because everyone is dying of the plague, caused by witches. Who obviously need to be burnt alive.

The princess is missing something from her life

As she coughs up some blood, she wonders when she will find her prince. And the answer certainly doesn't lie in a bloody tissue!

"Everyone around me has found love"

Even the blacksmith has proudly found a 10 year-old wife, pregnant with her brother/son.

She seeks guidance from a statue in the square

It's a statue adorned with cut-off thief hands. Clearly, punishment for stealing is severe in this society.

The princess imagines her elegant wedding

Everyone would dine on delicious kidney cream and succulent horse vagina before including in some adrenaline-inducing bear-baiting.

"The castle would be filled with love and laughter"

She wishes to be forcibly impregnated and can't wait to die following the baby's birth.

Yet, her prince is simply nowhere to be found

He "isn't in this shop or in this cart of baby corpses" either!

Does she ever find him?

I don't want to reveal the ending of this macabre story so watch the short video below and find out whether the princess beats the medieval odds to find her Prince Charming.

Clearly the video is not entirely historically accurate but whether you like it or not, you can't dispute that this is indeed a more realistic take on life in the Middle Ages than your typical Disney movie.

After all, you wouldn't see Cinderella or Snow White in the same sequence as a huge pile of shit would you?


What did you think of "Historically Accurate Disney Princess?"



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