I just want to take a moment to thank all those reading my articles and welcome the new followers I have. I’m really glad you are enjoying my work and I hope you continue to do so.
This next article is more drawn towards my personal comedy writing as well as being about something we've all seen dozens upon dozens of videos and reports about. I'll say it as I begin that this is just based on observation and is sheerly meant for comedic purposes. It’s something I've considered doing as part of one of my bits but it’s too long for the stage time I'm given and I'm sure more people here would appreciate it.
I always wondered where people came up with these subliminal messages in Disney movies. Like how they start and where they come from. The penis you're supposed to see in the cover of The Little Mermaid box, the word ‘sex’ written in the flowers in The Lion King, or even the pornographic poster you're supposed to see in The Rescuers. How do people see these things?
I've watched these movies with just the idea of enjoying them and not with some scrutiny of whether or not I see something filthy. I've never noticed a lot of them and some I just think are pushing it a bit. Like a stain on a persons coffee mug that they swear looks like the Virgin Mary. No. It’s a coffee stain. Relax.
I've heard and read about tons of them and being that I'm very observant, especially because I'm a comedian, I've noticed one that might be kind of a stretch but I find it extremely funny to think about. So, I've chosen to share it and here it is.
“A Whole New World” from Aladdin is actually about losing your virginity.
I know, I know, and I'm not trying to ruin a classic movie for you but I'm sure you've read enough about subliminal messages in Disney movies to understand that is isn't supposed to ruin the movie. I still love The Wizard of Oz even though I've heard about and have never seen the dead munchkin hanging in the forest scene. So, bare with me.
If you take into consideration the song in it’s entirety then look at what the experience of losing your virginity is about and how it actually goes down for some people, it’s not too far’fetched of an idea.
Here is the lyrical breakdown in case you don't get it.
First, let’s just go with how the entire song is sung while Aladdin and Jasmine are flying through Agraba on the magic carpet and the first thing he says to her before they start is “Do you trust me?”. Now, how many women have heard this in their life when it comes to the first man that they trusted to give their cherry to and how convincing it might have been? Let that fester for a second….
...and we move on.
So she decides she trusts him and takes his hand. As they fly around, beautiful music settles in as Aladdin comes in with the first verse.
“I can show you the world - Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did You last let your heart decide?”
Now I know you sung that cause I sang it as I wrote it but let’s look at what it is he is saying here, as the man trying his hardest to get under that turban. First off, he’s talking himself up a storm like he’s the king of the world. What guy hasn't needed to express his worth in order to ensure a chick that she’s in safe hands? Let’s not forget how he ends with asking her the last time she went with what her heart wanted and not what her mind was telling her not to do. That’s a red alarm right there. But, we move on.
“I can open your eyes - Take you wonder by wonder”
Anyone who has been in a situation with a virgin knows it takes a lot of convincing and reassurance. Even if it’s confidently spoken, most dudes will say whatever they can to get it.
“Over sideways and under - On a magic carpet ride”
Let’s say if you were listening to this and not watching it. Think about this line and put a scene from some random porno in its place. Mustache ride anyone?
“A whole new world. A new fantastic point of view”
Of course it’s a whole new world. This girl has never seen a penis in real life. This entire situation is a complete shock to her system. And all you want is to lay that pipe something fierce. I mean look at that, it says ‘point of view’. That’s a style of recording for porn movies. This dude has a camera on him and he’s ready to record this magic moment so you can remember it forever. How can you say no, especially after:
“No one to tell us "No" - Or where to go - Or say we're only dreaming”
Basically saying “you are your own woman and you should make independent decisions without worrying about what other people say or think of you. This isn't a dream girl. I'm real and I'm here to let you know that you can trust me.” Yeah. Right.
Then, she chimes in with:
“A whole new world. A dazzling place I never knew”
As we said before, it’s her first dick. This entire experience is new to her. I don't know about dazzling but maybe he’s hung well. Then again, that might scare a virgin so it might just look pretty. Like he shaved a mohawk out of his pubic hair and used baby powder so it doesn't smell like seaweed. Some guys are nuts man.
“But now from way up - here It's crystal clear - that now I'm in a whole new world with you”
Oh shit! You're starting to break through. You're convincing her to let you smash it. This is going great! Your tactics are successful!
Then she starts talking about her feelings and how ‘unbelievable’ this is and something about ‘soaring’ and ‘cartwheeling’ but you aren't paying attention. Especially when shit starts to get real.
She starts, or tries to start, singing again.
“A whole new…” but he interrupts her
“Don't you dare close your eyes”
Holy shit. This dude is for real. He wants you to stare at him dead on so you know that it’s him. ‘I am penetrating you and I want to see how you like it!’ This guy just got weird and this wasn't what you expected.
Shes tries to get words out again
“A thousand …” but then he comes out with
“Hold your breath it gets better”
You might as well say “Bite the pillow, I'm going in dry”. Damn, dude.
Then, in the middle of it all, she bursts out with;
“I’m like a shooting star. I’ve come so far. I can't go back to where I used to be”
….no. No you can’t.
There is no going back at this point. This dude spent an hour convincing you to give it up and you did. He just laid on top of you convulsing all over the place then he spewed his ejactualent all over you because, well, he swore he'd pull out in time since he didn't wanna wear a condom because ‘it doesn't feel the same’. So now you're left with the clean up as he passes out after 2 and a half minutes of ‘work’ and you question whether or not you came.
Nothing about this makes you a shooting star.
If this was too vulgar for you then I apologize but you can't deny that some of this makes sense. Again, it’s strictly for comedic purposes and it is not meant to ruin or destroy anything for you. I expect people to look at this with an opened mind and enjoy it for what it is. If it still offends you then, well, that’s your fault. It’s just a joke.