Hello ladies and gents! I'm a lover of many movies, as such I am an admirer of many actors! There are a plethora of actors in my top list. But no one, I mean NO ONE, could ever top Mr. Jim Carrey!
I've been watching this guy since childhood! With movies like Me, Myself & Irene, to Ace Ventura, to Dumb and Dumber! This guy never ceases to amaze me and always gets my sides hurting from the incomprehensible levels of laughter I experience from his films!
But there's one Jim Carrey movie, that I can never, ever get tired of! One I always put above the rest. And that's The Cable Guy.
Long before a guy named Larry became familiar with the mantle, the "Cable Guy" was Jim Carrey in this amazing black-comedy cult film! To testify how much I love this movie, I have it on VHS, DVD, and in my Netflix queue! I would watch it as a kid and I still watch it today! And as much as I enjoyed the surprisingly dark ending (I mean it was a DARK comedy but still), I think I could do just a little bit better. Then again, I am very self-absorbed.....LET'S GET TO IT!
How It Ended
Rick (Jack Black), after doing some investigating, informs Steven (Matthew Broderick) that Chip Douglas (Jim Carrey) was fired from the cable company for stalking several of his clients. He tells Steven that Chip has been using names from popular television shows as aliases, and that Chip isn't his real name! Chip kidnaps Steven's girlfriend, Robin (Leslie Mann) and takes her to a satellite dish.
Steven fights Chip, and manages to overpower him! He rescues Robin and police sirens can be heard nearby. As the police draw nearer, Chip talks about how he grew up on television and apologizes to Steven. He then jumps into the satellite dish, shutting off the cable all across town.
He miraculously survives the fall and is taken to the hospital by the paramedics. One of the paramedics calls him "buddy" and Chip asks if they really are buddies. The paramedic just says "Yeah", and Chip smiles deviously as it cuts to black; showing that Chip hasn't changed.
Ok, now that you know how the movie actually ends, allow me to release the flow of words from the dam of imagination that resides in my brain. I'm...not very good with metaphors. Anyway, on to my ending!
How I'd See It End
The movie is the same, until we get to Rick's investigating of "Chip Douglas". He finds the same information as before. Chip isn't who he says he is. He's been taking the names of characters from popular television programs and using them as aliases. But before he tells Steven, he decides to dig a little deeper into Chip's background. He manages to gather some shocking information thanks to some connections, and calls Steven. He tells him about Chip's use of aliases, and then tells him that Chip use to live in Los Angeles where he was involved in some sort of shooting at a fancy club. For reasons unknown, he left town and somehow got most of his files destroyed. He's about tell him Chip's real name, when the line disconnects.
Steven—"Rick? Rick?! What's his name? Hello?!"
Someone is in there with him, making references to classic TV show one-liners and making them echo across the room.
Chip—"What'chu talkin bout Willis?!"
Chip—"I love it when a plan comes together!"
Chip—"THIS, is the Twilight Zone!"
Rick—"Oh come on, that one's not even how that one goes!"
Chip appears behind Rick and Rick screams as the scene changes back to Steven. It's been about a hour since Chip attacked Rick, when Steven gets a call from the hospital. He's informed that Rick has been admitted. He's alive and wants to see Steven. Steven rushes to the hospital! When he gets there, he finds Rick with his legs in casts.
Steven—"Oh my god, who did this to you?"
Rick—"It was "Chip"! He attacked me and cut the phone lines.
Rick—"Yeah. Oh, and his name isn't Chip!"
Steven—"What is it?"
Rick motions for Steven to get closer. Steven complies.
Rick—"It's....It's....Ugh, hold on. Nurse! This is pineapple juice! I asked for grapefruit! Thank you! Anyway, his name..."
Steven—"Yeah, yeah, c'mon!"
Rick—"Ok, hold on. Nurse! Can you change the channel please?"
Steven—"Say the damn name!"
Rick—"Alright, alright! Jeez! His name...is Stanley Ipkiss."
Now for those of you searching your brain for why that name is so important, and by "searching your brain" I mean easily googling it, allow me to spare you the trouble. Stanley Ipkiss is the name of the main character in another Jim Carrey film, one that came out two years before The Cable Guy. Another favorite of mine called, The Mask! The Mask is about a man who finds a magical green mask and transforms into a wacky character with a cartoonish personality.
At the end of the film, he throws away the mask and it's out of his life forever. Or is it???? *spooky music* Alright, back to my ending:
Steven, having never heard this name before isn't really shocked or anything. The name drop is obviously for the audience to "gasp"and "awe" at. He returns home, carefully searching for any signs of a break-in. When he's sure that his house is safe, he goes in and checks his voicemail. He received a message....from Stanley. The message says that Stanley has got Robin and they're at the satellite tower! Steven rushes to the tower and tries to tell Stanley to stop! But he makes the mistake of saying "Chip's" real name, causing him to freak out. It's clear that "Stanley" is a name that he wants to forget. But why?
Well, through a flashback, we learn about Stanley's life after he disposes of the Mask. At first, everything is perfectly fine. He and his new wife, Tina, are enjoying their married life, along with Stanley's dog, Milo. They move into a lovely LA home and Stanley, with the money from his new job as bank manager, makes sure they're set for life! A few months later, Tina announces she's pregnant! Yes, it looked like things couldn't possibly go wrong for Ol' Stanley! But then...things go horribly...horribly wrong. Stanley, while home alone, falls asleep on the couch. A couple of hours later, he wakes up on the roof of a bank with stolen money in his hands. He understandably wigs out. He goes back home and decides not to tell Tina, and eventually forgets about it. One week later, he begins to develop...cartoonish traits. He starts to have dreams about the Mask, but tries to ignore them.
His mental state deteriorates as he becomes the Mask yet again, but this time without the green face. The Mask transformation is inside of Stanley now, due to prolonged use of the magical item! Tina finds out and begs him to get help. He agrees and starts to see a therapist. A couple of days later, Stanley and his wife are taking a drive down to the supermarket. A man cuts ahead of them on the road, and Stanley goes BALLISTIC! The Mask takes hold of him again, and he races to chase the guy and drive him off the road, making tons of cartoon references along the way! Unfortunately, Stanley's car flips over in the process, killing Tina and their unborn child.
Well what did you expect? This movie is ALREADY a black-comedy!
Stanley only survived because the craziness wasn't the only thing that he kept from the Mask. He also kept his cartoony ability to withstand damage that no normal human being could withstand! He crawls out of the car, battered and bruised, and upon looking at what he's done...he snaps. He leaves his home, changes his name (as it brings back to many horrible memories), and uses his Mask abilities to steal his files from the police HQ. He then gets a job as a cable guy. Because when you're a near unstoppable entity that loves to mess around with people like the Mask is, you want a job that makes sure you get a lot of people to mess with!
The flashback ends, and Stanley attacks Steven. Steven manages to overpower him, and rescues Robin! Stanley looks around at what he's doing, and snaps out of it. He realizes that all he's doing is hurting people, again. And so, with a final apology to the only man who tried to give him and his wacky antics a chance, he jumps from the tower. Steven and Robin look away as he harshly falls to the ground. The police and the paramedics arrive. Steven walks over to Stanley to find that he's alive thanks to his withstanding ability! Stanley and Steven reconcile before the paramedics take him away. Later, Stanley is in a jail, with a cellmate. The cellmate is flipping channels on the television, when he finally lands on a Foghorn Leghorn episode of Looney Tunes.
Cellmate—"Hey man, you like this stuff?"
Stanley turns to the man, and has a devilish smile on his face as his eyes turn a sickly, yet familiar shade of green.
Stanley—"....Do, I say, do I?
THE END! LET THE CREDIT ROLLING COMMENCE!
And there you have it! My alternate ending to The Cable Guy! I hope you liked it! Connecting The Mask with The Cable Guy actually isn't that hard, seeing as how they both share some similar dynamics. Jim Carrey? Check? Crazy character for Carrey to portray? Check. References to tons of popular televisions shows/cartoons? Super check!
So what do you think of my ending?