ByArchie R Spires, writer at
Archie R Spires

WARNING: SPOILERS (plus some fanboy whining)

I want to be excited about the upcoming DC movies.

I really do, but I have a hard time thinking of a single one made in the last 30 years that isn't completely ignorant of basic canon.

Batman (1989) kills people.

Lots of people. Over the course of two movies he (the hero) ranks up a body count in the hundreds.

Steel (1997) made ME want to kill people.

Everything about that movie made me hate Shaquille O'Neal. I'm sure he's a nice guy... But damn it! I got through Batman and Robin, I barely made the halfway point with that movie.

Catwoman (2004) made Patience Phillips/Selina Kyle into a... werecat and desperate for a man.

Batman Begins (2008) made Batman into a bitchy ninja. No detective skills, just wander the Earth committing crimes to learn how the "other half" lives because a criminal teased him.

Watchmen (2009) changed the entire third act into a mishmash that wouldn't have united the world, it would have made everyone hate the US for not controlling their soldier.

Jonah Hex (2010) was just a straight rip-off of Brisco County, Jr. without the depth. And where was the strong female lead? Where was Tallulah Black?

Green Lantern (2011) killed at least three people because he was drunk. Hector Hammond was written as "crazy guy who hates you because... crazy". And Parallax, the personification of fear, was killed by a G-4 star... Does that mean fear was removed from the emotion spectrum?

Man of Steel (2013) started too big and spent way too much time on Krypton. Things that could have been cleared up with simple flashbacks became long and drawn out.

And what the hell was up with the dragons?

Now we have 10 movies on track between 2016 and 2020.

Are they all going to be dark, depressing, and pessimistic?

Recent history says "Yes".

For some reason, the company that has all the "happy" characters (Superman, Wonder Woman, Blue Beetle and Booster Gold, Plastic Man, et al) has been feeding us blue and sepia tone movies since 2005 and if Man of Steel is any indication, they think that works.

Whereas, Marvel, who consistently covers topics like civil wars, genocide, segregation, and mass murder, is handing us brightly colored pieces of entertainment candy with the promise of making more.

Copy the Marvel method, DC. We won't care. We'll be happy you're using a winning recipe.

Even the SDCC Batman v Superman teaser was about as uplifting as leaving for work in the morning and seeing that your car is on fire.

I'm okay with the occasional bit of darkness, but DC's acting like a 13 year old emo who just found out about Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles. Just darkness. No light.

I'm not asking for a cartoon, but how about at least tapping the depth and fun that was the animated Universe?

Starting with Batman TAS (1992) and ending with Justice League(2001) there was 14 years of solid entertainment spread across eight series. And it created some of the most memorable characters.

How interesting would Gotham be without Harley Quinn, Renee Montoya, or Terry McGinnis?

How about a little light at the end of the tunnel, DC?

Try trimming the origins down from an hour to ten or fifteen minutes?

Maybe get us to want to watch your movies a second time because you moved us, not because the effects were good?

Can we be inspired again?

I still believe a man can fly, but I learned that from a movie made in 1978. I haven't learned anything from you since.


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