Okay i'm totally seriously you guys like for sure seriousles(I know made up word but whatever) this movie was SOOOO MUCH better than I expected.
Now I love every single Kevin Smith movie from "Clerks" to "Red State", but I was a little concerned that this would be the first Smith film that I would hate. I was only expecting bad going into this because I'm not a fan of the horror movies like "The Human Centipede" that have no true story to tell and are just trying to gross you out.
This was not the case with Tusk at all, it starts off with our main character inviting us to watch a kid cut his own leg off(and laugh about it) then join the Not-See Party
Of course spelling it out makes for a better reaction then just saying it DUH! I mean no one wants to join nazis right? this is some crazy..... HOLD UP! Getting off track here..
....Back to the review
So were told that Wallace is going up to Canada to talk with the Kill Bill kid(the kid who cut his leg off) in person for their podcast. Now Teddy never goes on these trips with Wallace supposedly because he doesn't like flying at all.
Cut to Wallace trying to get a quickie in real quick with his girlfriend and saying that Teddy doesn't like when she goes with him on the trips because he isn't focused when she is around. She goes on to tell Wallace about how he has changed and he is not the person he fell in love with, to which he retorts he makes hundreds of thousands of dollars now and he likes the new Wallace better.
So he departs to Canada and is met with the funeral of the Kill Bill kid who killed himself right before he got there. Now he's drinking at a bar in Canada, trying to find something strange he can use as his story to bring back for the podcast. After a few drinks he goes to the bathroom and finds an ad for a room for rent for an old man looking to tell his stories and share his space.
Wallace calls the man only looking to hear the stories as he isn't interested in the room. The man tells him his location and Justin Long gets directions from two young gas station clerks(played by the daughters of Johnny Depp and Kevin Smith)
He takes his HUGE gas station beverage and drives to the mans house. As he begins to talk with "Howard Howe" an old man bound to a wheelchair, he has a few drinks and learns of the mans experiences including being at Normandy before the beaches were stormed and being stranded on an island with a walrus he named after the only person he ever trusted, a janitor from his childhood named Mr. Tusk.
At this point Wallace starts to feel really woozy and he passes out. Now when he wakes up its all FUCKING CHANGED!!!
His fucking leg is now gone to which "Howard" tells him he was bitten by a brown recluse and the doctor had to take off his leg so he could live. But now the doctor is not around and he unplugged all the phones so that Wallace could rest. After "Howard" tells Wallace he also smashed his phone when the doctor was there he lets him know that he will see him for dinner.
At dinner Wallace starts to scream and confront "Howard" about the fact there was no spider and hes just a psychopath.....THEN....."HOWARD" GETS OUT OF HIS CHAIR AND IT ALL BECOMES CLEAR HE JUST WANTS AN OLD FRIEND BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE!!!
Wallace is able to get to his phone and try calling(but leaving voicemails instead) both his best freind and his girlfriend(who have been fucking for awhile because Wallace is a womanizer and it keeps them happy) but by morning when they get the voicemails its too late and as they leave for Canada Wallace is now looking something more like this
So then Wallace is thrown into a Walrus suit made up of other peoples skin and "Howard" tells him that he will either "Go Full Walrus" or he will eventually die.
The story from this point is more showing Teddy and Allison(oh thats Wallace's girlfriend....damn cant believe I havent said the name yet lol) trying to track down Wallace and save him. They finally talk to a detective who tells them a strange fellow has been looking for bodies with missing legs and refers them to that man.
CUE JOHNNY DEPP AS GUY LAPOINTE!!!
Guy is a former detective and legendary man-hunter who has been looking for this "Howard Howe" man for years since he escaped his grasp and tricked him by acting like a harmless old man. Guy tells them that after a week the body always turns up missing body parts. He in SO MANY COLORFUL WORDS tells them he will help them and they start to retrace Wallace's steps starting at the gas station(Where johnny shares a fun scene with his daughter). Then he finds where they need to go and when they get there he offers both Teddy and Allison guns and when they are hesitant at first he says "What kind of Americans are you? You don't want guns?"
They get in the house just as "Howard" is making Wallace either go full walrus and kill him or he will kill him as he had to the original Mr. Tusk. So now "Howard" and Wallace are fighting in full Walrus costumes and their screams can be heard by Teddy and Allison. BUT ONCE AGAIN ITS TOO FUCKING LATE!!!!
Wallace kills "Howard with his tusks and "Goes Full Walrus", at this point Guy Lapointe points his gun at Wallace and the scene cuts.
We see Teddy and Allison walking to go visit Wallace who is still alive living as a walrus near a pool presumably outside the same house that it all went down in. They tell him he doesn't have to hide because it's them and they brought him a treat(A fish for a walrus). He comes out of hiding to eat and he looks up at them, at this point it cuts to a conversation that Wallace and Allison had before he left for Canada in which she tells him that he has to cry because crying shows sympathy for others and true feeling, "It's what separates us from the animals" she says.
Then it cuts back to Allison telling him that she loves him, you finally see the human emotion come to the surface again and he tries to say through the walrus suit and having no tongue "I LOVE YOU" and he begins to cry showing he is in fact still human and not an animal.
Overall another AMAZING movie from Kevin Smith that i loved very much and the first part in "The Great White North Trilogy" which i am excited to see fully unfold.
Feedback and comments always welcome
CHECK OUT MORE OF MY ARTICLES AT AMAZINGreviews
KEVIN SMITH HAS QUITE THE SCHEDULE AHEAD OF HIM WITH ALL THESE FILMS SHOOTING IN THE NEXT YEAR AND A HALF
YOGA HOSERS, CLERKS 3, HIT SOMEBODY, MOOSE JAWS.......AND THIS TWEET(WHICH WAS TWEETED AS I WROTE THIS REVIEW TODAY) WHICH SUGGESTED POSSIBLY A SEQUEL TO MALLRATS!!