ByAntonio Bouchard, writer at
The art of film pales in comparison to celebrity gossip culture, right?
Antonio Bouchard

The Avengers. It's a movie. About to be two. I even heard they made a comic based on it.

Here's some words and pictures.

Captain Crunch played by The Original Human Torch

We all remember Crisp Evans as our favorite ‘Fantastic Four’, but what if we gave him a second chance at superherodom as our favorite Avenger, Captain Morgan? Not to discredit the enjoyment we got out of watching him catch on fire for two hours back in 2005, but I think it’s time for him to be back in the spotlight.

Iron Maiden played by Black Sabbath

We all know Rocky Mountain Junior Mint as the face of the Iron Giant, but how cool would it be if the character was played by every member of Black Sabbath smooshed together into the iron suit? That would be metal. (Get it, metal. Like iron. Iron is a metal. I should get a medal for that. My metal medal. I think I got my point across.)

Black Window played by an actual Black Window

A clear casting decision, as Black Window has shown her ability in the role in countless other films. Who can forget her role in ‘Gravity’ as the loveable window in Salamander Balboa’s apartment. I’ll never understand why the studio ended up going with The Color Scarlet Joe’s-Hand-Made to play the role, but I guess that’s just me.

Hawkeye Pierce played by President Snow

Can’t you just see it in your head? Our favorite Korean War surgeon Avenger played by that old guy from ‘The Insurgent Games: The Fault in Our Catching Fire Pt. 1’? I know it’s a stretch, but just imagine. Right? I think I made a pretty convincing argument for this one.

The Fulk played by Eric Bana

Mario Ruffles is a pretty good fit for the giant green monster Avenger, I’ll admit. But, Eric’s Banana’s filmography just screams “Make a superhero movie in 2003 with me, directed by Ang Lee!” And I think it’s about time for audiences to see Elvis Bakugan say that classic line “You won’t like me when I feel ostracized.”

Thor-ville Redenbacher played by Newman from Seinfeld

Honestly, no good reason for this one. But that’d be pretty funny, right? Let’s get the petition started to make this happen.


Who's your favorite Avenger?


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