Have you ever had one of those days where from the moment the morning breaks and you crack eyes, nothing is right? The train is late, you're surrounded by smelly idiots, and you just can't figure out how to beat the tenth chapter in Monument Valley.
Stop, take a breath and consider: what would a Disney character do when confronted with fools and situations that just wanna see a brother/sister fail this day. Because, you see, there's no insult and comeback quite like a Disney insult or comeback.
Check out some of the best I've found, and memorize them, for you never know when someone might need a dose of your Dissney prowess.
1. Getting Ready For Work
You can't find a thing to wear, your hair is pure mental and your mom decides that she's got jokes:
Close with: Give her the side eye and slink off to the shower.
2. Out and About
You're bumping the new Kendrick Lamar l.p. when you stumble into your narcissistic, motor-mouthed acquaintance who insists on banging on about her new crush:
Close with: Volume cranked, neck straight and dust off ya' shoulder.
3. Red Handed
When your supervisor catches you and a colleague on Steam, and gets all above his pay grade:
Close with: Fist bump and add to cart.
4. Oh, Hell No
When some chick starts flashing eyes at your man:
Close with: Order a coffee to her table 'cause chick must be drunk to play like that.
5. Excess Levels Of Testosterone
When some loudmouth dude-bro decides to activate his Alpha Male:
Close with: Possibly being chased down the street.
6. Casual Sexism
When you destroy a guy at Mortal Kombat and he gets all misogynistic:
Close with: Ten "Flawless Victories" in a row.
7. Queue Politics
When a suit cuts in front of you and your BFF in a queue for the bar, and loudly orders a "DOUBLE GIN & TONIC FOR MY GUUURRLFRIEND" whilst proudly scanning for eyes:
Close with: Giggle to each other and ignore the floppy haired fool.
When someone rants cryptically on Facebook:
Close with: Questioning the human condition whilst closing your account.
9. A True Gentleman
When dude just won't get the hint:
Close with: Exiting that juke joint.
10. How The Tables Turn
When the class nerd pulls up to the reunion in his start-up funded Jag:
Close with: Laugh and then sadly consider tomorrow's shift at the supermarket.
11. So Right...
When you "agree" that Transformers is the best action franchise of the 21st Century:
Close with: Slowly polish the lens of your glasses and then check the time on your smartwatch.
12. Gimme A Break
When a swole guy, starts hitting on you and your BFF midway through a deep conversation:
Close with: Showing him your backs as you turn to the bar.
Have you got any brilliant Dis(s)ney insults to share?