ByAnver K Rahman, writer at
I have been friend zoned too many times.
Anver K Rahman

Ah childhood, those days no worries, full freedom and no worry of taxes. We all had toys, i still have some of them like batman and Superman figures etc. But these toys that are mentioned below were disaster.

Austin Magic Pistol

Advertised As: A “Flash Gordon”-like toy ray gun from the late-40’s that could shoot ping pong balls upwards of 70 feet.

Problem Was: In order to shoot a ball that far the firing mechanism contained a gas that was ignited by a spark every time you pulled the trigger, resulting in a loud explosion, huge flames bursting out of the barrel, and the realization you just shot a mini-comet at your house.

Pulled Because: Once a child is in possession of their very own flamethrower parental authority goes out the window.

Fisher Price Power Wheels Harley Davidson Motorcycle

Advertised As: A battery-powered Harley for three-year-olds marketed to parents who would watch “Sons of Anarchy” and think “That is so my little Jimmy.”

Problem Was: The foot pedals that turned the motorcycle on would get stuck and so not allow the child to turn off the bike, meaning once a little kid hit the open road he could stay on it for several days before he decided to tuck and roll.

Pulled Because: Newscasts were constantly being interrupted by helicopter footage of high-speed chases involving a screaming kindergartner.

Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Laboratory

Advertised As: An educational toy sold from 1950—1951 that came with its own cloud chamber and let kids measure radioactivity.

Problem Was: Any toy that constantly mentions how much fun you will have with radioactivity is going to come packed with its own radiation, courtesy of uranium ore samples. In short, what most cities evacuate to get away from, children were bringing home to play with.

Pulled Because: The United States was already engaged in the Cold War with the Soviet Union at the time and did not have the additional resources to combat a whole new generation of radiated super kids who could punch tanks while their teeth fell out. (LEL)

Belt Buckle Gun

Advertised As: A toy cap gun built inside a belt buckle that would snap open and fire whenever the child thrust his waist forward.

Problem Was: Aside from encouraging random thrusting, the cap gun would go off upon the slightest movement — whether it was walking, sneezing or standing absolutely still — resulting in what doctors normally refer to as “crotch burns.”

Pulled Because: If sold in large quantities this toy would have eventually made it impossible for the human race to conceive.

Cabbage Patch Snacktime Kid

Advertised As: A Cabbage Patch Doll that could actually chew and swallow toy French fries, which she would then “defecate” into her backpack for re-use.

Problem Was: The doll would chew on anything, including kids’ fingers and hair. And with no “off” switch, there was no way to end the feasting.

Pulled Because: Once the dolls gained enough nutrients from snacking on fingers — and therefore developed a taste for human flesh — they would have attacked the populace as adorable zombies that could never be killed.

Yo-Yo Water Ball (What can these little things do?)

Advertised As: A kid-friendly, safe alternative to typical hard plastic or wood yo-yos featuring a squishy ball full of harmless water.

Problem Was: The squishy ball was attached to a bungee cord that would snap back and take out eyeballs. Also, the “water” inside turned out to be a potentially toxic and highly flammable liquid, which is sort of like finding out your water pistol is full of battery acid.

Pulled Because: Yo-yos can already be dangerous weapons if put in the wrong hands. But give your child hurling balls that can instantly ignite and you have effectively turned them into the Green Goblin.



Latest from our Creators