Rule 1: If you find an ancient book... don't read it
This is the perfect way to start off an epic chain of F'ed up events to happen. Whether you found it in the attic or wrapped in some cloth in the basement, don't read it. I'll even take this one still further, if the book looks like it's been made from skin don't even touch it.
Rule 2: Avoid all cabins at all cost
I don't give a rat's ass whose cabin it is, or how long it's been in your family. Okay, your friend's rich uncle is away for the weekend. There is nothing that can be said that will make me spend time or a weekend in a cabin. Just avoid it all cost. The only exception I'll make is if Samantha Hoopes is there... naked. Then maybe I can see myself taking that journey. Nothing more, nothing less.
Rule 3: No drinking
History has proven itself time and time again when it comes to alcohol and horror films. Nothing good will ever come out of this combination.
Rule 4: No hanky Panky
Yes, in a horror film this will get you killed quicker than anything else. The buns, the cheeks, cutty, trim, potang pie whatever you want to call this. It will get you hacked. The only thing that's going to be "stiff" is your corpse when Jason or Michael get through with you.
Rule 5: Don't be a Bitch or a Jerk
No one likes the bitch or the jerk, the universe doesn't like them either. It will make sure you die first. Just listen to everyone and speak when you're spoken to. In some sense, horror films are like jail: you do too much and you might get stabbed.
Rule 6: No woods
This shouldn't just be horror movie survival, this is more like common sense at this point. Running in the wood equals a shorten life span. Don't believe me? Ask any counselor that worked at Camp Crystal Lake. Oh yeah, they can't respond... because they're died.
Rule 7: Don't be a captain
You see what Ludacris is doing in this GIF? When trouble finds you and she says "Run! save yourself" Your ass better do just that.
Rule 8: Stay with the group
A group that stays together won't get slayed together.
Rule 9: Stay away from water
Drink it but don't go in it. Stay away from pools and beaches. If you have to wash up, use a school water fountain.
Rule 10: Stay away from haunted houses or where anyone has died
I know it is easier said than done... but you know the difference between a regular home and one in which someone passed away; probably some extra big castle like mansion, and when you drive up you someone is in the top window of the house. You know better!!!
Would you survive a horror movie?
Follow me on twitter @UltimateClassTV and subscribe to my youtube channel, UltimateClassTV. Instagram is ultclsstitus.