Over a year and a half ago Paul Walker was tragically killed in an accident leaving his own charity event. His untimely death was a shock to all, and many of his cast mates on his final film [Furious 7](movie:264263) paid tribute to him as they worked through their grief as best they could. For some, like best friend Vin Diesel, supportive forums like Facebook helped ease the pain, but today it was co-star Michelle Rodriguez who opened up about the devastation she felt following the 40-year-old's death.
While talking with Entertainment Weekly, Rodriguez shared for the first time that the shock of losing "the deepest guy I know" sent her into a tailspin. Wiping back tears she said:
I actually went on a bit of a binge, I went crazy a little bit — I went pretty crazy. A lot of the stuff I did last year I would never do had I been in my right mind.
This revelation comes after the 36-year-old actress spent much of 2014 in-and-out of the tabloids with stories about her bizarre behavior with British model Cara Delevingne, partying on Justin Bieber's yacht and her relationship with Zac Efron. She added:
I was pushing myself to feel. I felt like nothing I could do could make me feel alive, so I just kept pushing myself harder and harder. I was traveling and I was having sex. And I was just trying to ignore everything that I was feeling.
Rodriguez muses that part of this deep spiral came from the fact that she and Paul were very similar people, so his death rocked her to her core, making her question her very existence:
I could see Paul once every two years and just know there was another human on the planet who’s deep like me, who loves like that. When that disappears, you wonder, ‘Wait a minute, what do I hold on to?’ There was nothing to tether me to this existence: ‘Why am I fucking here? And, like, why’d you leave without me?’
But, fortunately for Rodriguez she hasn't let the lessons of the last year go unlearned, saying that in early 2015 she had a sudden realization:
I just woke up [one morning] with a profound respect for living. I stood tall one day and I said, ‘You know what, Michelle? Stop fucking hiding. Go manifest.’ And all of a sudden, I picked myself up and started hustling.
And it's with this amazing attitude I'm sure that the future only holds great things for Michelle Rodriguez, go get it girl!
Furious 7 opens in cinemas on April 3rd.