ByJorge Rodriguez-Ramos Fdez, writer at
Spanish bred, adopted by Germany. I like all things neat and tidy, I dislike scripts written by executive boardrooms to get the quick buck.
Jorge Rodriguez-Ramos Fdez

Tired of lands full of hobbits and elves? Have you had enough of fairies and cuddly fantasy creatures? Yeah, me too... but wait, there is still hope for you, ever heard of The Labyrinth?

Enjoy nature by having a walk in the Bog of eternal stench

jump around and burn more fat than with the wii fit
jump around and burn more fat than with the wii fit

Okay, the smell might be a little annoying, but just look at those magnificent trees! The bog of eternal stench not only has a great name to it, it also delivers exactly what it says on the tin. Just be careful not to step on the bog itself or we won't let you into the bus to ride back, no refunds!

Get lost (quite literally) in our genuine goblin made maze

climbing the walls to get your bearing is cheating
climbing the walls to get your bearing is cheating

Not many fantasy lands offer you the opportunity to spend countless hours of fun (actually, no more than 13 per visitor) in an artisanal rock maze. Our guides will release you in one of the entrances and will let you enjoy the thrill of finding the exit by yourself. If you get lost, fear not, you will... interesting people and ask them for directions

Doc, Dopey, Bashful, Grumpy...  no wait!
Doc, Dopey, Bashful, Grumpy... no wait!

The whole labyrinth complex is home to countless different breeds of goblins and other fantastic creatures, most of them friendly*. You can ask them for directions and hope for the best. Better carry some cash with you though, goblins tend to not accept credit card payments. Jewelry is also a good payment method. No guarantee to accurate directions I'm afraid, our goblins love pranks (again, no refunds).

Try new extreme sports

Made me think of rule 34... oh God NO!
Made me think of rule 34... oh God NO!

In our forests and fields you can join in the fun with the sporty goblins. Test your fitness with their very own patented workout. If by the end of the day you haven't doubled your flexibility you will get a complete refund (if you're still alive, that is, otherwise: no refunds).

Visit an authentic goblin city

now with 15% more smiles
now with 15% more smiles

For those rural life lovers out there we offer being enrolled as slave workers for goblin landowners in either 10 years or lifelong basis. If you just want to visit you can enjoy meals at our human guest house (human meat half price if you bring a +1) or stay for the evening in the castle's dungeon, chains come in iron blue or black steel (towels and shampoo not included).

Meet the man, nay, the LEGEND!

I could be watching this for hours...
I could be watching this for hours...

The labyrinth is home to no other than the goblin king himself: Lord Jareth.

Enjoy his magic tricks, his swagger or just bask in his greatness while he injects awesome into every little action he does (like standing up, see gif).

All children under 5 have free room and board at the palace, but the minimum stay is 13 hours. Singing along Lord Jareth is optional, but highly recommended. If you take pictures no flash please, Lord Jareth suffers from a rare eye condition that makes him extremely sensitive to bright lights. If Lord Jareth is out on the prawl for new babies the throne room will be closed (no refunds).

Wait no more, book right now!

You just need to summon the goblin king at night and during a thunderstorm (sorry, we are still working on our online booking system, but goblins make poor developers). The king himself will drop by to hand you out your tickets!

See you at the entrance!


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