I just went out and picked up Borderlands: The Handsome Collection for Xbox One, and as I started on my journey into Pandora, I thought about how much time I've spent on Pandora and how awesome it would be to actually visit the planet that I've spent countless hours exploring as various Vault Hunters. So I thought it would be fun to spend some time visiting Pandora with you. Seeing as Pandora's galactic orbit is the length of ten Earth years, make sure to visit during the 3 summer years if you're into heat, otherwise you can come in the off-season and choose from one of the 7 winter years when things are a little less crowded by the local 'friendly' creatures.
Let me introduce you to a couple of your possible stops on the beautiful planet of Pandora. We will start in Sanctuary, and go from there.
Sanctuary, the old floating mining ship/city that was teleported to somewhere in the Highlands by everyone's favorite Siren, Lilith.
- Crazy Earl's Black Market - for those pesky times when you just need to be able to carry more loot.
- Dr. Zed's 24/7 Health Clinic - As the Doctor would say, "I might not have a med-school degree, but when you get shot you'll be happy I'm here."
- Moxxi's Bar - Don't let her fool you, she's got a heart of gold... ... As long as you keep her tip jar full of it.
- Marcus Munitions - If guns and ammo are your venture, then there's no better place to shop... ... Really there is no other place to shop, so go see Marcus.
- Pierce Station - If you have a golden key, use it to get something marvelous... Also if you feel like changing your appearance don't miss the Quick Change Station. Also from here we will use the Fast Travel Station to take you to your dream destination.
Let's see where we can send you!
For the Trinket Hunter - New Haven
If you're looking for a place to settle down for a nice relaxing beautiful scenic view of an ocean, or to catch a glimpse of the setting sun... ...then this probably is not the destination for you, but if you're the type of vacationer that looks for that one special thing to bring home and add to your collection, then New Haven is the place for you.
Tucked along a natural rise set next to the beautiful expanse of a growing "awesome"yard, because it's not junk if you want it- it's awesome! New Haven is a crossing point for many wayward travelers as well as several colorful local residents who love their fair town so much that they'd love you to buy their homes from them.
If the collectibles galore isn't really your scene, then let me recommend our next destination.
For the Sand-lover - The Oasis
If you're looking for endless sandy beaches... and I do mean endless... there is no water. Literally none, well I take that back; there's one small pool of shallow, dirty water, but I don't recommend getting near it.
But if sand is your game, then The Oasis is the place you've been dreaming of. It's always free of crowds, and you can walk for miles without seeing a soul, because there's only one person living there, his name is Shade. He may seem insane, but that's only because he's surrounded by corpses and he's lonely and dehydrated. It's really only a minor inconvenience when you think about what you gain for a vacation destination.
Not you're cup of tea.... Hmmmm.... you're a tough nut to crack, but I'm not done finding you the perfect vacation destination. Let's keep looking.
For the Snow-Lover - Tundra Express
Okay, so sand and heat isn't really your thing, then have I think I have just what you're looking for. It's got snow, and some great mountain ranges and what-not. Seriously, it's gotta be what you're looking for, please?
You need more coaxing? Okay, well... Tina! It's got Tina! You're going to love her, she's so sweet! She's 13 and she's got a ... unique, yeah that's the word, unique personality. She'll even sit down and have a tea party with you. You should probably make sure nothing is ticking though... Just a precaution, but I promise you'll love your time, maybe she'll even show you the badonkadonks she builds.
Not convinced about the snowy awesomeness? ... I should keep looking for you? ... Okay, I guess we'll keep going. I thought I had it with that one.
For the Tech-Savvy - Opportunity
Okay, maybe this is more up your alley, at least if you like supporting the idealisms of Handsome Jack and his idea that he can recreate Pandora in his own image. But you don't support Jack, right? - I didn't think so, so you're just looking for a touristy high tech city to vacation in, right? - Then this is exactly what you need.
Considered to be the image of a utopia, Opportunity is home to the best and brightest (and wealthiest of course). The laws may be a bit harsh, but as long as you don't do anything wrong like littering, you won't be put to death. There are several places of interest once you're in Opportunity:
- The Office complex - with a welcome center, a holographic screen and a statue of Jack standing on a Bandit.
- The Residential Quarter - Full of towering skyscrapers with luxury apartments with amazing views.
- The Waterfront District - With a beautiful view of the entire crater lake.
- The Pits - currently under construction, eventually this will be a grande coliseum.
Still not finding what you're looking for? ... Let me think, there has to be someplace that I can send you for your vacation... Ooooh I've got it!
For the Explosion-Junkie - Badass Crater of Badassitude
I saved the best of the best for last. This is the epitome of high-octane, vociferous, overpowering fun that you've been lo ...
THAT SENTENCE HAD TOO MANY SYLLABLES! APOLOGIZE!!
I don't know how else to explain the undeniable representation of what you can find in your Cr...
LOOT! AND PECS! AND EXPLOSIONS! I'm Torque and I am here to ask you one question, and one question alone: EXPLOSIONS?!
That guy right there is the owner/operator/muscle bound macho he-man who runs this place, Mr. Torque. If you're looking for some explosions then there's no better pl...
STOP TALKING MR LEGAL MAN! NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR SALES PITCH!!! ALL YOU PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW IS THAT I DON'T GIVE A F*CK IF YOU COME TO MY BADASS CRATER OF BADASSITUDE! YOU NEED TO STOP BEING A STUPID LITTLE D*CKBALL AND JUST MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY!
TORQUE! You can't say things like that while I'm trying to show these nice people some of the vacation spots on Pandora... We're trying to show them that they can have a good time here.
A GOOD TIME?!!!? ARE YOU F*CKING CRAZY. THIS PLANET IS SO MOTHER-F*CKING STUPID! YOU'D HAVE TO BE A COMPLETE IDIOT TO WANT TO TAKE A VACATION HERE! YOU STUPID MORON! THIS PLANET IS SO F*CKING DISORGANIZED AS SH*T, I'M ALMOST READY TO JUST SHOVE AS MUCH EXPLOSIVES IN IT AS I CAN AND RIDE THE RAINBOW SHOCKWAVE OF EXPLOSIONS OF THIS STUPID F*CKING PLANET BECAUSE... EXPLOOOOOSSSSIOOOOOOONSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!
SOMEONE BRING ME A SANDWICH!!! I'M HUNGRY!
Okay, so maybe we'll just stick with the other locations that I mentioned earli... er.... Torque!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE!! PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!! ... I'm really sorry about this!? Maybe we should end our tour now?
F*CK THE TOUR!!! YOU'RE IN TORQUE LAND NOW B*TCHES!!! YEEHAW!! ---- BOOOOOOOOOOORING!!!!! EXPLOSIONS! EXPLOSIONS! EXPLOSIONS! IF YOU DON'T COME BACK, IMMA BE PISSED!! NOW GO PUNCH SOME BAD GUYS IN THE D*CK!
I'm really sorry about that... I've got to stop letting him see that I'm showing people around. Well, I guess you have it. Those are some of the places you can visit on your trip to Pandora with me. Let me know what you decide, I hope to talk to you soon.
EXPLOSION NOISES HERE AND SH*T!!!!!!
Torque!!! What are you doing here!?! Go back to your crater and blow some sh*t up! Dangit! Now you have me swearing too.