Today, instead of a review of obscure Italian movies, a list of all the critically acclaimed movies I hate, or the best gore effects in modern films, I'm sharing something much deeper. I'm sharing with you my dreams, or rather, nightmares, for the horror genre. These are the movie concepts I want to see brought to terrifying fruition before I kick the bucket, even though some of these will never happen. (That's code for MAKE THESE MOVIES PLEASE!) Some of these are just basic concepts, and some are rehashes of movies that already exist, but I think they all would be awesome to see in real life. Without further ado, this is the horror I want to experience before I die!
#1: Killer Counselor
Imagine, if you will, the world from the perspective of a serial killer. This man has considered himself a premier murderer for a few years now, until it all goes wrong. A tragic accident renders him unable to kill. Something has awakened his dormant conscience and will not let him take another life. This becomes problematic when his mafia boss can no longer count on him to carry out hits on rival gangsters, and puts both his reputation and revenue on the line. Enter his psychologist. This is no ordinary psychologist, however. This is a specialty psychologist, and his area of expertise is confidence building. Over the course of the movie, the protagonist goes through a rehabilitation program to regain his sense of self-worth AND his killer instinct until he is a better murderer than ever before! Heartwarming AND chilling, right? It'd be awesome to see this as a dark comedy or a macabre uplifting-yet-horrific series of events. I could even see this being adapted into a television series. As I say this, I frantically open Microsoft Word and begin to type out a draft. This could be awesome, and I'd love to see it. Speaking of dark comedies...
#2: Jigsaw Screws Up
The entire Saw series is predicated on the idea that the Jigsaw Killer (John Kramer) can predict human nature, and even though his subjects are given a choice, he always plans for the scenario he KNOWS will transpire. But what if Jigsaw fucked up somewhere? I want to see a "What If" series starting from the NEW end of Saw IV. Hear me out before you scroll ahead! Oh, and spoilers for Saw IV if you haven't seen it! GET ON IT!!!
Okay, you've been warned!
In case you don't remember, Officer Daniel Rigg is at his FINAL TEST. He has to let the 90 minute timer count all the way down before entering the final room, or else Detectives Eric Matthews and Mark Hoffman will die spectacular, extravagant ice-block-y deaths. In the original, Rigg is too impatient and barges through the door, killing Eric and getting himself shot. Hoffman unstraps himself and reveals himself to be Jigsaw's apprentice. Now rewind a bit. What if Rigg learned from his test? What if he waited until the time expired, and Detective Matthews was released? How would Hoffman react with one strap obviously unattached? Would he have to fight the survivors and kill them to cover everything up? Would Rigg find out about Hoffman? What if Jeff didn't kill Jigsaw in Saw III? What if Agent Strahm got in the glass box in the end of Saw V, avoiding his death and killing Hoffman?! So many questions, and only one way to find out! Let's make these movies! It'd be pretty funny to see Jigsaw's meticulous planning turn out to be for nothing!
#3: The Smart College Kids
I know Wes Craven sort of did this in Scream, but I'm talking about a real movie where the kids are actually NOT TOTAL IDIOTS despite their knowledge of how to survive! If these kids are so smart, why can't they escape? These kids would, and the story could perhaps be from the perspective of the killer who is trying and failing to kill them as they thwart his efforts to separate, inebriate, and annihilate them! Hell, this could even be part of the Killer Counselor story! I just think it'd be awesome to write characters who practiced what they preach and survived their ordeals. Maybe the first half of the story is the escape from the killer and the second half is the total mental breakdown of the survivors as they contemplate why a madman is trying to butcher them, until they slowly go completely insane? I don't know how this would manifest exactly, probably a dark comedy, but really I think this would be fun to watch.
#4: Walking On The Wild Side
This next one is for the gore hounds among you! Numerous movies have tackled the whole "white man goes to jungle, white man encounters native tribe, white man is eaten by/white man escape from natives" thing, but what if we got a cannibal movie from the perspective of the cannibals?! We could have them speak English, or whatever language is native to the filmmaker's country, and the first part of the movie could be showing the daily lives of a few key tribe people. When the rapport and relationships are built up, enter white people! The white people fuck with our protagonists, and the cannibals take gruesome revenge! If this sounds like a flipped version of Cannibal Holocaust, you're not wrong! I think it'd be really cool to have the tribe as the protagonists. Show the white men as intruders and have them speak an alien language, and display the wonder that must fill the minds of the tribe as the white man uses technology and stuff to assert dominance, and then turn it all upside down and have the tribe go FUCKING WILD when the intruders go beyond their boundaries! That would be both controversial AND badass!
#5: Welcome To My Nightmare
The last movie I'd like to see is one of my many nightmares, brought to the screen in all their bloody, disturbing glory. I suffer from night terrors on a near nightly basis, and to date, very few horror movies scare me as much as my dreams do. It would be AMAZING to be as scared by a movie as by my nightly experiences, not to mention extremely cathartic! That's a major reason why people watch horror in the first place! Maybe when I'm an old man, there'll be a way to draw out our dreams and manifest them on paper or a computer file, but for now, I'll have to keep logging and writing them as I go, and maybe one day turn them into the horror movies of the next generation! Basically this entry is just saying MAKE SOMETHING SCARY, DAMMIT! I'm bored with boring horror, guys! I need something terrifying!
Well, that's about as deep down the well of ideas as I care to go for now, so thanks for reading, and special thanks for Danica Abeln for inspiring this piece with her article: Comic Book Movies That Need To Happen.
I'm Tony Announces, and please check out some of my other articles on my Moviepilot page! Also, if you need horror movie requests in any sub-genre, hit me up on Facebook or drop me a comment here and I'll be happy to help you out! Until next time, thanks for reading, and have a KILLER night! Muhuhahaha!