ByMarlon McDonald, writer at
Umm... are you going to drink that Skooma?
Marlon McDonald

Alright, you terrible lot, after my last dive into the depraved depths of the alternative ways of enjoying Maxis' utopia simulator The Sims, you, the Moviepilot faithful, had worked up some shockingly hilarious ways of dispatching your Sims. Wait, hilarious or horrifying?

So I come back to you now, with a few more terrible tricks gathered from these here walls and others from across the world wide web, that will titillate, terrify or simply freak you the f*ck out with equal abandon.

So, lets have a look at some more of the best ways of inflicting psychological and physical pain on polygons and pixels:

Evil Sims III: Army of Harshness

Let's kick off proceedings with some from our very own readers and creators:

Trick 1

Nicole Lassen, you are depraved!

I had a happy family once that I made. Mom, dad, two kids, and a dog then four chicks with no names given. I built a house with a basement. The happy side of the house was upstairs while downstairs in the basement there are four rooms. I put these four nameless slaves I mean chicks in all four of those rooms and only filled them with a necessity things they needed to live.
Upstairs the wife or family had no idea that the husband had all these girls downstairs. And occasionally he would go downstairs and do them. Eventually the girls would go crazy and died, and I turned the downstairs into a fun room for the kids. Sometimes the ghosts of the slaves would wander around and mess the house. But they would never be able to tell their story. And the family never had any idea. The husband took the secret to his death.

Trick 2

Wait, which version of The Sims did you own, Samantha Rose Kirkland?!

I tried to play Sims once but I bought the game used so it didn't play any of the tutorials for me. I ended having like seven children and after three of them died because I didn't know how to feed them CPS came and took away my kids as they were getting off of the bus from school.
Then my Mom died because I didn't know how to feed her either so then APS came and took away my dad and my spouses parents. I got evicted because I didn't have any money to pay my bills because I didn't know how to get a job so I killed my husband as he laid sleeping in the street and then broke into another sims house and trashed it until they woke up and called 911 where I was then shot to death by the police because I ran at them.

Trick 3

Remind me never to cross you, Jennifer Savage...

I used to make buildings with a few small rooms. .. inside was nothing but windows and metal flooring. ... I'd kill one family from each party that way. Only one person per little room. Parents could see little sim kids but couldn't help them and vice versa.
Urinating and deficating on themselves, no furniture for comfort and no food. Although occasionally I'd build allthe most luxurious things on the other side of the glass just out of reach. Eventually i had the coolest graveyard and a little less teenage angst.

Trick 4

Kati Krage isn't afraid of getting her hands dirty.

I had sims 3; I was a busty college age female (human), my sims felt really horny so this is what I did. There was this party she went too and she started to talk with the host's husband (which they had a child together). As in-game days went on I talked to the husband more and more, got closer and closer.
To the point of having him cheating on his wife with my sim and having a continuous affair, got him to move in with me. He then called his wife up told her that he's divorcing her ass, fuck the kid, and that he's in love with my sim, and married my sim almost immediately. And then there was another party run by the same host and I suddenly walk into her party with my new husband (which is her ex).
I fucked up a happy family just so my sim could get some.

Trick 5

What do you do to real people when you get mad, Jill Martinelli?

When I get mad at a sim. I have three torture choices for them.
1) I build a spare room with barely any space, no windows or doors. Just an empty room. Let them suffer.
2) I make a pool. Send the sim to the pool. Build a gate around the pool. Drown that sim down.
3) I burn the sim. Game of Thrones style.

Trick 6

Thank you for sparing us the details, Tommy Valentine!

On I picked up an item called the love rug for sims 2. This enables your sims to simulate graphic sex positions and if you have the seethem attachment to get rid of the censors things get a bit more explicit.
I ended up getting rid of it when I learned that sims of any age could use it no matter the relationship between the sims. Yeah, I'm not gonna go into detail about what I caught one of my sim children doing.....

Trick 7

In space, no-one can hear you get all grossed out and stuff huh, Brittany Smith?

I once made a sims family where it was all going perfect and happy and all until one day my dad sun goes outside because he hears a ufo approaching. He gets abducted and when he comes back from "space" he seems normal.
A day later he starts throwing up....? I was really confused until I begin to notice he was becoming fat?! I used a chest to edit him back to completely skinny in create a sim and when I did that and came back to the house, he was skinny but the game made him become fat again.
I was getting really annoyed until I find out, the fricken aliens made him pregnant!!!! He had a alien baby and it freaked me out so much I put the baby in a room and set him on a rug. I then started cooking Mac and cheese on the stove, left the small room and deleted the door and waited for the food to catch on fire. That's how you get rid of a alien baby.

Trick 8

I think a simple "maybe we should see other people" could have sufficed, Aj Raguso...

I once had a girlfriend but she was so into other guys thatshe had a kid(may have been mine but idr) so I put the baby in a small room surrounded by windows and built another room around it locking her in. She watched her baby starve and cry while she slowly starved to death herself.

Erm... great work, Moviepilots! That was some pretty messed up sh*t. Now, let's see what other nuggets of nastiness the internet has coughed up:

Trick 9

Evie19, I hope you weren't scarred too greatly by The Bob's antics.

Damn you, Bob. DAMN YOU!
Damn you, Bob. DAMN YOU!
I was playing this weird PS2 version of the sims 2 when I was 8. I had a perfect nuclear family, the husband and wife had good jobs and the house they built was expensive yet tasteful. The children got good grades and were happy. All was well.
Eventually, the family became rich enough that they needed more room and I decided to build them a new, beautiful house. I spent a good two hours on making this fucking house perfect. It had an indoor pool and everything. But I was only 8 and I had forgotten the most important goddamn thing to buy when you make a house.
When you move, neighbours from other blocks will come over to greet you. I wasn’t watching very carefully, but one of my sims must have greeted him because suddenly a bald man in a green shirt was in my house. Bob.
Bob didn’t speak to anybody. Bob walked up the first set of stairs and make a beeline to the kitchen. Bob immediately started a fire. Usually when a fire starts it’s okay because you have an alarm which notifies the fire department, except I forgot to buy the alarm. Usually when a fire starts, the sims will run into the room where it is and start freaking out or trying to extinguish it.
Not Bob. Bob just left. Bob fucking walked away with no emotion, leaving my family to scream and freak out in the kitchen. The mother and the father were both killed in the blaze, and the children were taken away by social services because their parents were dead. They couldn’t call for help because I’d also forgotten to buy a phone.
I watched my favourite family burn and vowed that as long as I lived there would be no safe place for Bob. Every time I created a new neighbourhood he would respawn, always in the same shitty house without friends or family. I have killed Bob in every way available to the game. He has drowned, starved, been killed by aliens and struck by lightning. Every time I started a new game, I’d go and kill Bob first. Nobody else ever came in and burned my house down, or even used my kitchen. Only Bob.
Bob is deceased in the more recent games. I like to think that I had something to do with it.
May you never rest, Bob.

And to close this tale of humorous horrors...

Trick 10

Gather round everyone, and listen as chironomidae, master storyteller, recounts a tale of first world woe.

A thriving family of five is living in their brand new, beautiful two story house. It’s a sweltering summer day, so Dad says “Hey everyone, let’s go for a swim in our new pool!” Everyone changes into their new swimsuits and jumps in. Everyone except for Diane, the oldest daughter. She’d rather stay inside and chat online with boys.
The family swims in their new pool, laughing, splashing, having a great time. Mom does a cannon ball. Things are great.
“Dad, I’m hungry,” says Tommy, the youngest.
“Hmm,” replies Dad, “We have been swimming an awfully long time. Alright folks, let’s hop out and I’ll make us some Goopy Carbonara!”
The kids cheer, and Dad heads towards the ladder to get out.
“Well, that’s odd,” he says. “Could’ve sworn the ladder was right here.” He looks around, panic starting to swell in his chest. The ladder is gone.
“Dad?” asks little Tommy.
“I... I don’t know what’s happening,” replies Dad. “It will be okay, just stay calm and keep swimming in circles. The ladder is sure to turn up sooner or later.”
They swim, frantically looking for the ladder. On and on they swim, searching, panicking. They’re screaming now, but Diane can’t hear them over her rock music.
Hours and hours pass. The youngest, Billy, is the first to go. As the strength finally leaves his body, he sinks to the bottom. His body disappears, and a tombstone appears next to the pool.
Tommy and Mom follow soon thereafter. Dad’s soul is crushed. What started as such a happy day has now become a tragedy beyond measure. If only there had been some way to get out of the pool without the ladder... but it was too late for that now. He paddles his last and his tombstone appears next to his family’s. The pool is silent.
And now, the part of my story that gets a little bit sad.
The next morning, Diane comes down from her room. “Mom? Dad?” she calls into the quiet house. Nothing.
She checks the bedrooms, the living room, the basement. Nothing. She checks out front, still nothing. Then she walks out back and sees the graves.
Reality hits her like a ton of bricks. She sinks to her knees, and begins to cry. She cries until her sides ache, until she feels like she can barely breathe. What happened here? Why is her whole family dead? Who did this?
She continues to cry and cry and cry, until realistically she should be out of tears but they still keep coming.
Eventually another feeling takes over; a rumbling in her stomach brings her away from her world of sorrow and back into the real world. She hasn’t eaten since yesterday; best get something quick, so she can resume her mourning.
Unfortunately, she never learned how to cook. Not a problem, she’ll just order a pizza. She calls the delivery place, and they tell her the pizza will be there in 30 minutes. Great, she thinks, that gives me plenty of time to mourn.
She returns to the side of the pool and reopens the faucet of her heart. Her tears drip into the pool, slightly altering its PH balance but that’s unimportant. What is important is that she became so engrossed in her mourning that she didn’t hear the doorbell ring when her pizza arrived half an hour later.
Hours pass and her pizza is left rotting on the front porch. Her hunger once again brings her out of her stupor, and she renters the house to order another pizza. They tell her 30 minutes. Great, she thinks, that gives me plenty of time to mourn.
Hours pass. Days pass. The cycle continues, and the ever-growing pile of rotten pizza in front of the brand new house is buzzing with flies.
Diane is still mourning. Her body is emaciated, her stomach is bloated and distended as she enters the final stage of starvation. She hangs up the phone. 30 minutes. I’ll have so much time to mourn, she thinks. So much time...
She crawls back outside to be with the graves of her family. She curls up next to her father’s grave, and the last breath leaves her body in a long, steady sigh. Her twig-like body is still, and disappears into the ether. Her grave stone appears right next to the others.
It’s true that I watched this all happen. I could have saved her. I could have broken the cycle. But like a documentary film crew following a lost lion cub, it was imperative I did nothing; for if we do not let nature take its course, how can we ever truly understand it?
... Okay so yeah, selling the pool ladder was my bad, but after that nature had to take its course.

I can't get enough of these tales! Please, throw more of your doings in the comments and lets have a laugh at how depraved we can get with our Sims!

(Source: Reddit)


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