I enjoyed "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" in all of its corny glory. It was a natural comedy that didn't feel like it tried to hard to be funny. Kevin James knew how to pull at my heartstrings. I laughed with him and teared up with him. So, I was looking forward to seeing "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2". I didn't have Academy-Award winning expectations, but I did expect it to be about a 3/5 star movie.
Here's everything I hated about "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2":
Warning, there are a lot of SPOILER ALERTS. A LOT. You've been warned.
- [SPOILER ALERT] The movie has been on for maybe five minutes before Paul Blart's mother is slammed into by a milk truck. The scene is so outrageous and fast that most people in the theater laughed. I laughed in a "what-just-happened" kind of way.
Fat shaming is bad enough when someone else does it, but the entire plot of the movie seems to be held together by the fat of Kevin James's stomach.
- [SPOILER ALERT] Blart is frequently blurting out sentences that are designed to draw attention to his disordered body image and eating habits. it is so uncomfortable. My least favorite moment in regards to the fat shaming and poking fun at diabetic people is when Blart falls flat on his face and seems to pass out. He is only able to be revived when a child's icecream is dripping on the ground nearby, and Blart pathetically crawls/scoots over towards the child's location. He lies on the floor beneath the icecream cone catching drip-by-drip all over his face and in his mouth. Diabetes whether it is type 1 or type 2 is a serious illness that should not be made fun of.
- [SPOILER ALERT] You're telling me that a girl that got into UCLA falls for a character that is one dimensional and quite possibly one of the dumbest characters to ever be on screen. While his character is nice, it's a dumb kind of nice. It seems that Lane is so dumb that he doesn't know how to be anything but nice, if that makes sense.
- [SPOILER ALERT] IT IS CLICHE! Oh my goodness, so honestly, Maya should have died. Maya walks in on a mass art stealing deal that is going down at the Wynn (product placement much?) None of the "bad guys" kill her. They all have guns and are strong, but none of them kill her. Seems legit.
- [SPOILER ALERT] THERE IS NO WAY that Paul Blart would have really won that fight. These men had guns, and Blart's little beanbag gun stops them? I don't think so.
- There are too many plot holes to even begin to discuss everything wrong with the story line.
- [SPOILER ALERT] The hotel manager is this exotic and beautiful woman that apparently falls in love with Blart because he arrogantly and rudely assumes that she is hitting on him ALL THE TIME. Yes, let's contribute further to the idea that the opposite sex can't just be having a pleasant conversation, he/she must be hitting on you. There can't be any other explanation [sarcasm].
- He never has any of his dreams of getting a wife and finding that sense of normalcy he seems to crave. Instead, it's a sad train wreck as the viewers watch Blart wallow in self-pity.
- Overprotective father doesn't even begin to describe the insanity of Paul Blart. [See video below].
What I liked about "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2":
- ... It ended.
- I laughed a total of 5-7 times.
- A man eats the brownest banana in existence. It's disgusting, but I couldn't look away.
- Paul Blart runs into a glass window. It's cool.