When I was a kid, long before Netflix and instant streaming were an option, my primary means of entertainment came not from a screen, but from my childhood bookshelf! Kids these days may have their apps and games and whatnot, but nothing beat coming home from a Scholastic Book Fair with a backpack full of new books.
My parents were always apprehensive when letting me read the crude books - Captain Underpants, I'm looking at you - but at least those books were self-aware! The following ... books include some wording and imagery that could be seriously misconstrued by some dirty adult minds.
1. Poor Pinocchio
We all know what he means, but still, man...choose your words more wisely.
2. Curious George indeed
Now I'm curious! What happened next?
3. Ted 2?
This is certainly some weird promotional material for the Ted sequel.
4. Simba's Pride
I've seen a few nature documentaries in my day, and from what I can tell this might be scientifically accurate. Still, I don't think Nala would stand this type of behavior coming from Simba.
At one time this was probably an innocent game, but now it's just some smug kid in a tiny tie reenacting a scene from Fifty Shades.
6. Silence of the Pigs
Cannibalism is never okay!
7. Eat your vegetables, kids
The most concerning thing about this is that worm in the vegetables. I'm all for organic food, but I have to draw the line somewhere.
8. Master(bator) and Commander
That's a lot of seamen.
9. Hugs and kisses
Honestly, who let this become a thing?
10. Pink elephants on parade
This makes me rethink that pink elephants scene from Dumbo.
11. War Horse
Alright, this is actually a pretty great image showing the comparison between human and horse bones, but I'm disgusting so this looks awfully bad to me. Also, why is the horse giving me that side-eye? He knows what he's doing.
12. Urine trouble
Yes, girls pee out of their butts. It's true.
13. Pigs not in a blanket
Do you think she's looking for a nightlight?
14. The Ugly Truth
Teach 'em young, right?
15. See Biscuits' Seabiscuits
So glad that there are no illustrations for this page.
16. The League of Invisible Gentlemen Parts
I guess you can argue that an invisible dick is the least threatening kind, right?
Damn my dirty garbage brain for turning what was once innocent children's reading material into something far, far worse! Is that what becoming an adult has done to me? Oh well, at least I can have a good laugh about it.