In honor of "The Simpson Act," I'm here to inform all of you Pilots that I am more than meets the eye. Along with several other people from the Creators page on Facebook, I've decided to reveal to you all that I am, in fact, a villain.
Don't believe me? Well would a hero spend an entire week scaring their 12 year old sister, video tape it, and compile it into a minute long video? I didn't think so.
If that doesn't convince you, look at the articles I've written. Out of 46 articles that I've written, 11 deal with all things evil and villainy. For those not terribly good at math, that's 23.91% of all of my articles. After this article, that percentage will move up 25.53% of all of my articles.
Some might say that that's just a coincidence. I'm telling you it's not. After all, who would know that better than me?
Now, unlike some of my comrades, I do not have an alter ego. I am who I am and I'm not going to try and hide behind a fake name. Instead I stand before you as I am. A villain.
Seeing how I need no mask, I'll tell you a bit about myself and how I became a villain.
First and foremost, I'm a black belt in karate
I've been doing karate since I was six years old, sparring since I was eight, and I can hold my own in the ring against people twice my size.
I know how to fight without any powers or weapons. I'm far from a master, but I have enough skill, speed and knowledge to take on anyone.
One valuable thing I learned from all my years of martial arts is how to read an opponent. If I get the chance to watch you fight even one time before we face off, I'll have a general idea on how to take you down. So be wary.
Next up, I'm a pilot
And not just any pilot, no. I can fly without an aircraft, a jet pack or military grade wings (I'm looking at you Falcon). How, you ask?
Simple. I'm a genius.
I wasn't born with powers, unfortunately *grumbles something about Superman being lucky* but I've managed to make do without. I've created a serum that grants me the ability to fly, similar to Superman of Wonder Woman or Captain Marvel.
I'm not going to delve into how because that is top secret. Not even my fellow villains are aware of how I accomplished it.
What you need to know is that not only am I a force to be reckoned with on the ground, but I'm aerial threat as well.
Cue tragic back story
I grew up on Long Island, in a small town situated on the north shore along the Long Island sound. In this town, you can find an old abandoned building that once was the home of Nikola Tesla.
If you don't know who he is, he pretty much revolutionized our world. He invented alternating current, Tesla coils, x-rays, radio, remote control, electric motor, robotics, lasers, wireless communication, and limitless free energy.
Essentially, without this genius (that unfortunately no one knows about) I couldn't be writing this write now, I'd never have known that I broke five bones in the past, we wouldn't have hybrid cars, your precious cell phone sitting next to you or that you're reading this on would not exist, and our medical fields would not be where it is today.
So what does this have to do with me being a villain?
The Tesla building sits five houses down from my own. And up until a few years ago, there was a hole in the fence just big enough to crawl though.
The lab of a seriously underrated, unappreciated and underrepresented genius is now in possession of the Tesla Science Center as of 2013.
Prior to this, however, me and anyone else who wanted to could sneak their way onto the private property and look at once was a poorly funded lab thriving with inventions, curiosity and brilliance.
On one of these adventures during the summer, I found some interesting tech that seemed to be avoided by everyone else who'd come through the building (granted, I never even made it into that room just yet). Upon further examination, I realized that it was a smaller version of the teleforce (AKA the death ray) that Tesla had built as an anti-air weapon.
Here's his description of his weapon:
My apparatus projects particles which may be relatively large or of microscopic dimensions, enabling us to convey to a small area at a great distance trillions of times more energy than is possible with rays of any kind. Many thousands of horsepower can thus be transmitted by a stream thinner than a hair, so that nothing can resist." The nozzle would send concentrated beams of particles through the free air, of such tremendous energy that they will bring down a fleet of 10,000 enemy airplanes at a distance of 200 miles from a defending nation's border and will cause armies to drop dead in their tracks.
I called over my best friend, Suzy, to look at it with me. We were twelve and loved Tesla because the building was always right there. I told her what it was and we geeked out.
Someone else was there however. He heard our giggling. He came through the darkness and took the teleforce from us. He said he was protecting us, that he was a hero, that he was saving humanity.
His face was entirely in shadows and I still don't really know what he looked like. But I still remember that walk, that over-confident walk with a strong, determined gait.
I tried fighting him because I was an over-confident junior black belt who had to protect her best friend. But he was much bigger, faster and stronger that I was.
In our scuffle, he pushed me to the ground and I hit my head on an old piece of some other invention that's been worn down by time. The man slid into the shadows. But as he did Suzy went for the mini teleforce.
I didn't get the chance to say anything before it fired.
That so-called hero fled the scene. And when the police arrived, there was nothing that could be done for Suzy. I didn't know how to explain what happened. They didn't believe me. But they also couldn't explain how she died. They blamed the "hero" who they couldn't identify.
About a week later they found the destroyed teleforce along the power lines that run through my hometown.
Since that day, since Suzy was killed, I vowed revenge against the Hero of the Shadows. As I got older, my training with the karate school became more intense, my interest in flight strengthened, and my anger only grew with every passing moment without my best friend.
A word of warning
Heroes, my fight is not with every one of you. I seek out the Hero of the Shadows. I don't know his true name, or what he calls himself. But he knows who he is.
And if you know who I'm talking about, you better step forward. If you do not know, that'll be the end of it. But if you do and you refuse or you choose to protect Hero of the Shadows, I will come for you and everything that you love.
Remember, I'm a genius, I can fight, and I can fly. Do not underestimate me.
Also, I have an entire armory filled with dangerous fluffy faces to add to our kitten army. Be afraid. Be very afraid.