BySatiricalifragilistic !, writer at Creators.co

#1.

Whenever I say the word "Renaissance," I am about 100 times more likely to mean this:

than this:

#2.

When John Smith evasively tells Ratcliffe that he was "out scouting the terrain, sir..."

My brain goes straight to Monty Python and the Holy Grail and "She's got huuuuuge..."

"...tracts of land!"

#3.

The thought of Flounder successfully carrying a giant stone statue of Prince Eric into Ariel's grotto of human knickknacks...

...immediately makes me think of Eric Idle declaring "A five ounce bird cannot carry a one pound coconut!"

The Monty Python canon is sort of like the Disney canon, except with more absurdist political commentary.
The Monty Python canon is sort of like the Disney canon, except with more absurdist political commentary.

#4.

I have spent more than three hours of my life trying to figure out which genetic disorder Quasimodo probably had:

I mean, how else can we account for his improbably good-looking parents?

And while we're on the subject, how exactly is Quasimodo white, let alone red-haired and green-eyed?

#5.

I have had prolonged internal debates with myself as to whether to include The Rescuers Down Under in discussions of the Disney Renaissance...

#6.

I have completely unironically referred to a self-established "Little Mermaid Standard" to evaluate whether a Disney movie deviates too much from its source material:

(image credit: natal_ee_a at DeviantArt)

#7.

I have gotten into heated arguments on the relative merits of stampeding wildebeest vs huns:

I'm Team Wildebeest, in case you were wondering.

#8.

I have put serious thought into what my "I want..." song should be about.

And right now the leading contender is "I want this state-of-the-art enormous graphics touchscreen that Glen Keane is using here to animate Tangled..." but I don't think that would fit well with an Alan Menken tune.

Hmmm...perhaps this would be a good time to mention my Patreon page, since that thing is damned expensive!

I like how it looks like Alice is facepalming at how shameless that plug is.

#9.

I have a special contempt for those who cannot figure out Cinderella's actual hair color:

That includes you, Disney Parks Costuming Department!
That includes you, Disney Parks Costuming Department!

#10.

I am deeply horrified by the fact that to little kids seeing their first Disney movie in theaters today, The Little Mermaid is older to them than The Jungle Book was to me when I first saw The Little Mermaid...


I mean, for Mickey's sake, Walt was personally involved with that thing!
I mean, for Mickey's sake, Walt was personally involved with that thing!

And that's not the only horrifying fact for those of us who came of cinematic age during the Disney Renaissance!


(image credit xkcd...)

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