ByLd Kristoffer J Chelidoni, writer at
Ld Kristoffer J Chelidoni

We all love a great mashup, right? Answering the geek filled "what-ifs" that sometimes plague our fanatical minds.

Well no worries there are a plenty of these fan-made mashups to go around. While some are quite awesome to behold, others are woefully filled with Fail.

This is What-If Showdown Fail. Where I explain why the end results of these duels are so hilariously wrong.

In this first installment we tackle Batman versus Vader by Super Power Beat Down. Super Power Beat Down is sort of new to this gig, chasing the much longer lived Death Battle by Screw Attack (oh I will be Screwing with their Attacks in later installments don't worry).

In this epic video Darth Vader has some how captured Superman and Batman is sent to rescue his fellow DC hero. Taking precaution and having gained enough information about this Death Star (probably from talking to a Wookee or maybe a Rebel or two...who knows what he got up to between leaving the Milky Way and into the galaxy far far away...) Batman obtained a lightsaber. Oh the humanity, Batman with a lightsaber, that is both badass and very scary (almost as scary as Batman with the Green Lantern Ring...)

The battle begins with Batman attacking with electrified gauntlets only to be manhandled by Vader using the Force. Batman uses an EMP knocking out Vader's life support armor forcing Vader to use the Force to sustain him. The two duel it out using both of Vader's lightsabers....ahem Anakin may not approve of this....wait why am I telling you all this, watch the video linked above...

Strike 1) Batman never underestimates his opponents and he didn't in the case of Darth Vader either. No matter what galaxy you live in the Universe obeys the same laws of physics. Even with advanced technologies an EMP would have fried any powered circuit within range. Vader's entire armor is built around servo motors and circuitry. Yet they show him walking around as if it is nothing.

We're told by many different sources that Vader's armor is heavy. So heavy in fact that the once nimble and agile Anakin had to change his entire fighting style so that he could deal with the cumbersome and weighty design of the suit. The suit also is his life support. It doesn't just aid in breathing, but in blood pumping, food digestion, and pain regulation. Once Batman kicked the EMP his two full cyborg arms would have ceased to work, his mechanical hands wouldn't have been able to grip, his breathing would have been arrested, and heart would have given out. The fact is Batman would have won in the very first moments of this battle. Yes the force would have sustained Vader for a time, but the amount of concentration to keep his body alive would have doubled the difficulty of fighting in a broken unmoving suit.

(The film also ignores the fact that the EMP would have caused havoc on the Death Star... shutting down any and all systems within range, including artificial gravity...)

Strike 2) Comparing Batman to Darth Vader is sort of a cruel thing to do, for the sheer and simple fact that Batman is better all around. Darth Vader/Anakin was trained to be a Jedi and then a Sith. Yes this entails years of training and swordsmanship, but by the time Darth Vader was on the Death Star he would have only been in his late thirties. Even with the martial arts training he had, the suit he wore to sustain his life would have prevented any real physical combat. Batman on the other hand would have had at least a decade of training beyond Vader. By the time he was at his peak, Batman was able to bench press 1000 lbs, mastered 127 martial arts, mastered the art of deception and escape artistry, was a master of the shadows, was trained by Ra's Al Ghul the head of the League of Assassins, was a master strategist and held twelve masters degrees. The Batsuit, unlike Vader's armor, was designed to be lightweight, flexible, but ultra protective. In a one on one battle Batman has the upper hand, even if we include the Force. Batman took down Superman, has fought and won against some of the most powerful beings in the DC universe including Darkseid and is fully aware of the magic and god like powers that exist through the universe. Batman wouldn't have wasted the opportunity to kill Vader in the initial part of the battle, but more importantly he'd never have fought Vader in the first place. He'd have used stealth and as many alternate routes as he could (along with subterfuge, putting on the armor of the Storm Troopers for example) until he had rescued Superman.

Strike 3) Blatant ignoring of physics once again in this last and final strike against the Super Power Take Down crew.

In the final scenes of this showdown, after Batman is flung from the window and into the hanger (which is exactly where he wanted to be...) Batman was able to use the Batwing to fire bunker buster missiles at Vader. In the film Vader somehow survives this attack only to emerge, his helmet destroyed and then to kill Batman using the force.

I say somehow here because, while it is apparent he uses a Force shield to repel the attack, enough explosive force got through that shield to destroy his helmet.
There is a gigantic flaw in this cinematic result.

You see Vader's mask is made up of Plasteel and Durasteel. Durasteel is estimated to be anywhere between 20x and 2000x stronger than (IRL) steel. (Depends on the source). Plasteel was meant to be as strong as steel but as flexible and lightweight as plastic. The frame of his helmet is made up of durasteel. If the shock wave off of the bunker busters were strong enough to reach through the Force shield to obliterate his helmet, they were also strong enough to actually obliterate him.

Let's put this into perspective. Normal steel has a tensile strength (breaking strength) of 450 MPa (that's mega pascals). That would me that even at the most conservative estimate of strength for Durasteel, Durasteel would have a breaking strength of 9000 mega pascals (or 9 gigapascals if you will). Yet it was obliterated by the explosion.

For a normal human the blast wave of just 100 psi which produces only 690 KPa (kilopascals) is lethal. Rattling the brain, rupturing blood vessels, and so on. The blast that was created by the bunker busters was over 13,000 times greater than the normal lethal range of a pressure wave.

Even if Darth Vader was sustained and protected by the Force, there are somethings that even the most powerful Sith can't do, and surviving two bunker busters is one of them.


What do you think; should Vader have won or Batman?


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