ByDrew May, writer at
Drew May

The date was April 1st 1978. In a small little house lived a small ginger man with his even smaller ginger wife and their family. The man paced around the small living room with a cup of tea in his hand. The wife was sitting down in a large armchair holding her almost even larger belly, breathing deeply in and out. The man had no idea what to do. His wife could go into labor any minute and there was nothing he could do. This man was trained in the magic arts but not at all in delivering a baby, let alone twins. The man continued to pace around the room anxiously. It had never been this hard the first three times, he thought to himself.

“Arthur, would you get a damp cloth and put it on my head, please?” the wife asked.

“Yes of course Molly dear,” Arthur replied. He walked into the small cluttered kitchen and looked under the sink for a cloth. He pulled one out and four or five more fell out with it. He quickly picked them up so Molly wouldn’t see him making a fool of himself. He ran the cloth under the tap until the water coming out wasn’t freezing cold. He walked back over to Molly and put the cloth on her head.

She winced and said, “Thank you my dear.” Arthur smiled nicely and clasped his hand together.

“Is there anything else I can get you love?” he asked Molly.

“Would you mind just going upstairs and checking on the boys?” Arthur nodded and released his still clasped hands. He walked towards the very tall staircase and advanced up it slowly. His right hand went to grab the handrail and slipped right over. He was sweating like a pig about to be roasted. He rubbed his hand off on his knitted sweater, grabbed back on and hoisted himself up the stairs.

The first landing he arrived at had two doors. He opened the first and saw his first-born son Bill. He was sitting on the floor of his bedroom, sketching on to the floor with an artist pencil. “Oi you’d better clean that up later!” Bill, startled, stood up and pushed the small rug over his drawing with his foot. Arthur’s gaze narrowed in on Bill and he started down at his feet and nodded. Bill sat down on his bed with an upset look on his face and turned away from his dad.

Arthur turned around and exited the room closing the door behind him. He heard a slight thump behind him and guessed that Bill had gone right back to drawing. Arthur, too stressed and worried to bother Bill again, just continued on to the door in front of him.

He opened the door and saw Charles, or Charlie for short, lying down on his bed with his big book, A Guide To Dragons, open in front of him. Charlie was his and Molly’s second son, but sometimes it felt like he didn’t even exist ‘cause he spent so much time up here. “You doing alright, Charlie?” Arthur asked his son. Charlie, not moving his eyes from the book, nodded and gave his dad a thumbs up. Arthur chuckled a little and left the room closing the door along with him.

He turned and started walking up to his son Percy’s room, when a loud scream came from downstairs. All three boys emerged from their rooms with scared looks on their faces.

“The lot of you stay here,” Arthur barked at his sons as he ran down the stairs skipping every other step. He burst into the living room to see Molly sitting there, her face as red as her hair. “Are you okay? What happened?”

“It was that bloody bird again. We only just got him a few weeks ago and he’s already crashing into stuff. Errol we called him. Should’ve called him Error instead.”

A bit more relieved now Arthur asked, “Alright, are you okay dear?”

“Apart from feeling like there’s two little children fighting inside of me, I’m wonderful.”

“Right, sorry. I’m just all frazzled,” Arthur told Molly.

“Everything will be okay,” Molly reassured Arthur.

“I know, I know. How are we going to manage two more kids though?” Arthur grabbed Molly’s head and kissed her scorching hot forehead.

“Well we can figure that out later cause I think it’s time Arthur.”

“Time?” Arthur asked Molly, confused.

“Arthur, it’s time.” Molly was pointing at her large belly and her eyes narrowed and rolled backwards simultaneously.

“Oh. Shoot. Time. Time for babies. Oh my. Oh my.”

“Arthur get the doctor now!”

“Okay, back in a jiffy.” With a loud crack, Arthur had disappeared from the living room. Next thing he knew, he was standing in a hallway in the local wizard hospital. He ran down the hallways as fast as physically he could, until he found the childbirth section of the hospital. Running into a room full of nurses and doctors, he shouted, “Quick, I need a doctor my wife is giving birth! I need a doctor now! She is giving birth in my living room.” A doctor and two nurses ran up to him and agreed to help him.

“I’ll show you the way,” Arthur told them. They ran back down the hallway that he appeared in and with another loud crack; the four of them had disappeared.

Molly was now lying on the floor with Bill hanging over top of her with the damp cloth in his hand. “Oh there you are, Dad. We were getting worried.”

The three new adults in the room and Arthur, all lifted Molly up on to the long kitchen table. “Okay I’m going to need a bunch of towels, cloths, and a few large bowls,” the doctor announced. Everyone quickly scrambled around and within seconds everything was there that he needed.

“Okay, sir I’m going to have to ask you and your sons to wait in a different room until we are done. It is best that way. We will call you in when everything is finished.”

“Of course doctor, of course.” Arthur herded his three sons up in to Bill’s room and they all waited anxiously but excitedly. They sat there discussing names for the twins and who was hoping for a girl and who was hoping for a boy.

After a long while, the doctor called them all back downstairs. They crept downstairs as fast as they possibly could without being too loud. They reached the bottom of the stairs and slowly walked into the living room slowly.

Molly was now sitting in the reclining chair across the room. In her arms laid two small, precious baby boys. Arthur walked over to her and one of the nurses helped to hand them to him. “Have you named them yet dear?” Arthur asked Molly.

“Why yes I have,” Molly said to him. The other nurse handed him the birth certificates.

“Oh I love it,” Arthur said with a giant smile across his face.

Arthur walked towards the window so that he could see their faces better. “Well hello Fred. And hello George.” And as if on key, the both peed on him at the same time. What little tricksters you two will grow up to be, he thought to himself.


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