ByEric Asher, writer at

EVERYTHING wrong with the San Andreas Official Trailers! Also, yes, this is inspired off CinemaSins, but I had to beat them to it.

Trailer 1:

1: I have to wait 8 seconds before I actually end up watching something

2: Wait, this isn't a GTA Movie?

3: Magnificent View Foreshadows Ultimate Destruction

4: Cliche Quotes

5: Seriously, does Warner Brothers have a new way of showing their trailers? With obnoxious quotes taking up half the trailer. This isn't Unfriended. Come on! Get to the Action! ( EDIT: Unfriended isn't Warner Bros, but their trailers are basically the same )

6: The Rock's character doesn't seem to notice the gigantic holes and bumps on the road, but still neither of them seems to be bouncing back in forth like any normal person. Also, they didn't get any cuts? Bruises? Scrapes? Scars? Nothing??

7: The Rock's character just happens to stop the car right in front of an abyss/cliff, but the writers decide to destroy what could have been a suspenseful scene. No chance of falling down cliffs here!

8: Next Summer?? This is May, shouldn't they have changed the date by now?

9: California Dreaming turned into a sad, depressing song.

10: Everything is destroyed within 2 seconds, yet there is only 1 explosion during that ripple wave earthquake thing??

11: Cliche Blonde chick about to fall off a cliff with a car

12: The Rock just happens to know when the car will far, saving this girl before the car falls

13: Wait, now they're at a helipad?? Did I miss something?

14: 1 building collapses, but all the others just stand there looking destroyed.

15: Hollywood sign falls, like in every other disaster movie ever written.

16: Hiding behind a car is the key to surviving the apocalypse!

17: Lots of boats, they will definitely not crash into each other.

18: Cliche girl almost drowns trapped inside something? Does this remind anyone of James Bond?? Or Lost??

19: Was that a windstorm, or a tsunami?? Do tsunamis cause wind now? Tsunami, The Last Airbender??

20: Dramatic news guy saying you will feel "it" on the east coast. Seriously, if you wanted someone to be dramatic, get Morgan Freeman.

21: I totally want to look into an over-sized camera.

22: We're in Nevada now!

23: Everyone listens to The Rock when the Hoover Dam is breaking. Because he is The Rock.

24: 20 extra seconds at the end of the trailer. I'm going to continue watching to see if there is something at the end!

25: There isn't

Trailer 2:

1: I only have to wait 5 seconds this time until something happens. That's a positive, sorta.

2: Who's that chick?

3: She looks like she had a rough night.

4: Wow, is she hallucinating?

5: Wait, she's not! RUNNNN!!! RUNNNNNNN!!!

6: Random chick that looks high is saved just in time.

7: Oh great, more of the time wasting words on black background. Didn't we have enough of that on trailer 1?

8: They have the correct date now!

9: That camera makes me feel like i'm on TV! Hai mom! Oh wait, i'm still a nobody

10: Duh! Like anyone expected a huge earthquake to be the end of it! There would at least be aftershocks.

11: Is it me, or does every disaster movie use the same sound affects when the power lines go down?

12: The "apocalypse" is now called a monster. I sure hope it's Mike and not Sulley

13: This music?? Sia??

14: Don't forget the, "Oh my god"

15: What are those 3 even looking at??

16: Crack in the Earth turns into Paradise Falls??

17: Feel what on the East Coast? An earthquake? Or is he just saying this to add suspense to the movie. If the East Coast isn't featured in this movie, than there was no use in saying that.

18: Hey look! Depressing song and white words on black background are back!


20: the car happens to float in the water. That means all the windows and doors are completely shut. Which means no water has gotten in. Is that possible?

21: We see the thing that chick is trapped in partly open facing The Rock, but he tackles it the opposite way. Couldn't he have pulled it open instead?

22: They are Extras. No chance of surviving now

23: The Rock carries some black girl to safety, but why didn't she get up and run herself? Was her ankle or foot broken or something? Cause if not, RUN YOURSELF! YOU'RE WASTING TIME TO RUN!

24: Look at all the tourists running away. It's funny because they're all gonna die!

25: Cliche "May God Be With You" quote

26: The Boats are back!! I hope someone crashes.

27: Thanks for giving a play-by-play on what's going to happen.

28: Yay! Someone crashed!! Called it!

29: Will The Rock make it over the wave in time? Stay tuned for our next episode

30: Another 20 seconds wasted at the end.

Trailer 3:

1: 2 seconds now!! The only good thing about this trailer!

2: British Lady with obnoxious accent

3: 600 documented rescues?? Rescue from what exactly? Drug Dealers? Police?? Please be more specific!

4: Welcome back intro from Unfriended! Been a while!

5: Other guys who work with The Rock will likely become irrelevant before the first hour of the movie

6: He can't believe his daughter is in college? I can't believe they would even be believed to be father and daughter! They look nothing alike.

7: When the daughter says "Is everything OK?" I thought she looked like Courtney Cox. No joke.

8: Where is she anyway? Specifics? Does she work there?

9: He's sorry for how he acted yesterday? Well that spoiled the whole beginning for me. Now we know he was a jerk yesterday. Such a Full House scenario.

10: More white words with black background. But the music is a bit different.

11: Of course the earthquake happens when they talk.

12: Her name is Emma? Well Emma, why didn't you shout EARTHQUAKE! And why didn't any of the staff at that restaurant tell people to go under the tables? For a city that has tons of earthquakes, the people here have no experience. No wonder they're all going to die.


14: Cool Special Effects!! Also, the water was flying in the air, so how come it didn't hit the floor?

15: Just a while ago we saw the building collapse in a different direction, but now we see it falling on the building from before? And if nobody saw the other 2 trailers, wouldn't they be thinking Emma died right now?

16: It's the Dust Bowl again!! AHHHHHH!!!!!

17: Earthquake Tsunami thing!!

18: The news guy who should be played by Morgan Freeman is being interviewed by another British lady. Seriously, what is with this movie and British people?

19: If The Rock says GET DOWN, GET DOWN

20: The news guy is trying too hard to act well. Seriously, he's too dramatic.

21: Building Splits in Half

22: Here we see the blonde chick again, getting saved just in the nick of time! Who would of thought she would live! *sarcasm*

23: Another song! Seriously, does Sia sing this? Look at all the extras! By the end of the movie, I will be saying, Where are all the extras!?

24: Now we know what the chick in the building was looking at! I feel like she will be the best character but be killed. That one character *cough* Rue *cough*

25: What kind of cruise ship is that? Carnival, Disney or Royal Caribbean?

26: By the time the cruise is falling how are they people still alive?

27: Getting down won't save them

28: NOOO!!! Not Chinatown! WHYYYYYY

29: Don't drown Emma!

30: 15 seconds wasted on this trailer

Total Problems: 85

Sentence: Tsunami, The last Airbender

Thank you so much for reading! I actually do look forward to watching this movie when it's in theaters! I think it will be great!


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