Despite the wild imaginings of the Harry Potter fan-fiction community, Harry Potter is not an overtly sexual series. HP follows the literary tradition of the British boarding school story, brimming with youthful glee for jolly japes rather than the burgeoning sexuality of your modern high school movie.
Nor does J.K. Rowling create, in the absence of explicit sexual imagery, a secretive, repressed eroticism all the more present for its concealment. Unlike the quivering Victoriana of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, J.K. Rowling seeks not to exalt or censure her characters' sex lives: they simply exist, no more of a titillating plot point than any other detail.
It may, in fact, be this approach - best described as a healthy, practical disinterest - that is responsible for igniting the feverish speculation of the fan-fiction community: J.K. Rowling has left most characters' sex lives something of a blank slate, to be wrought in any way the reader wishes.
Still, I was fascinated by Sandhya Ramesh's reading of Voldemort's sexuality - and I agree with her reading that there's two ways of viewing The Dark Lord's propensity for arousal...
Was Voldemort a Virgin?
Ramesh boils down Voldemort's sexuality to one of two options:
1) He is revolted by something as 'low' as sexuality, distancing himself from his earthly body at every turn, ergo Voldemort has no interest in sexuality, seeing other bodies as nothing more than victims and tools.
2) Voldemort is a sexual sadist, as evinced by his excitement at acts of violence.
Ew. Let's hope it's the first option, huh! Snape may be an irritable Slytherin drawn to the dark side, but he was softened by his (unconsummated?) love for Lily. Voldemort had not one single human relationship that touched his humanity; he has servants, not friends.
My verdict: Voldemort was probably a virgin
Was Voldemort a Virgin?
Did Dumbledore and Grindelwald Get it On?
J.K. Rowling has confirmed that Dumbledore is gay, and that the greatest love of his life was Gellert Grindelwald, one of the greatest dark wizards of his time (I guess, like so many of us, Dumbledore was drawn to bad boys). Very little is said on the matter of whether this love was requited or not, and the sad part of my heart says that an unrequited love would fit perfectly into Dumbledore's tragic narrative of family trouble and personal sacrifice...
My verdict: They had a full-blown love affair, but had to break it off when Grindelwald inconsiderately went all evil.
Did Dumbledore and Grindelwald have a full-blown love affair?
Harry Potter: The Boy Who Loved Once?
Considering that our main protagonist is a teenage boy, it's surprising how little of the Harry Potter series focuses on the loves and lusts of the titular character. Harry's bubbling adolescent carnality is expressed in no more than the odd line about vague wobbly feelings he gets in his belly when he gets his first 'wet' kiss from Cho Chang, and a rather desexualized, fraternal protectiveness over Ginny, whom he later marries. Considering that Harry - against all reasonable statistics - marries his high school sweetheart - as does Ron, Hermione, George Weasley, Angelina Johnson, Neville Longbottom and Hannah Abbot - does that mean he's a one-woman man?
My verdict: Harry has only ever had one sexual partner.
Has Harry Potter only ever slept with Ginny?
Ron Weasley and the Sexual Paranoia
Perhaps the most sexualized moment in the entire series comes in Ron's nightmarish vision that Harry and Hermione are coupling in front of him, their naked forms intertwining in eroticized mockery of his inadequacy. This scene stands out starkly amongst the rest of the series. Have another watch:
If anything, Ron is presented as the character with the most sexual desire, and the most fully realized sense of how his feelings interact with those around him. His emotional range of jealousy, hope, disappointment, bashfulness and pride are well charted, and make him one of the most likable and relatable characters.
Besides, despite the fact that J.K. Rowling later said that she should have paired Hermione off with Harry, you gotta admit that Ron and Hermione are the couple that have the most chemistry...
My verdict: Hermione and Ron are good together.
Who is Hermione best paired up with?
So many questions that need answering! Add your comments / questions / answers below!
Intrigued by this kind of article: Check out this analysis of the Sex Lives of The Avengers.