ByMarlon McDonald, writer at
Umm... are you going to drink that Skooma?
Marlon McDonald

It's been well documented here over the past few weeks, that the cutesy life-simulator The Sims can act as a gateway into some pretty messed up sh*t. Wait, so that's not too dissimilar to real life life then. Great work, Maxis!

But what I've yet to touch on is how children, the bouncing, brilliant and beautiful bundles of joy they are, can turn into utter monstrosities, game breaking glitches and demonic beings right before your very eyes.

I've experienced the horror of having a child in The Sims that decided it wanted to be a fleshy pole as opposed to a little kid. But nothing like the incoming creatures!

So join me as I cartwheel into the dark side of The Sims once more. Please, stay close.

1. Arms Perfect for Hugging

via rainbowretrospectrum

This Tellytubby-esque monstrosity would be perfect for carrying groceries back from the store, and...that's about the only positive I can take from this.

2. "Why Won't You Love Me, Mommy?"

via lol-sims

I know you've gotta keep a constant eye on a baby for various reasons, but spontaneous combustion is pushing it a bit far. Plus, award for mom of the year.

3. Behold! The Harbinger of Darkness Has Awoken!

via SunnyD8603

Or is this a severe case of jaundice?

4. "Hey, Assface!"

via simsgonewrong

What the actual f**k, The Sims?! This is horrible! Plus, I don't even want to consider this beast's breath.

5. Fresh Meat

via weknowmemes

I guess one or two hours sleep a night isn't enough for some Sims. Or post natal munchies. Who knows.

6. "Found Youuu."

via modthesims

"You should get a summer job," they said. "Babysitting's a piece of cake," they said.

7. This Is Why Men Don't Give Birth.

via simsgonewrong

Or "An Overzealous Game Of Kangaroos That Went Horribly Wrong."

8. Existential Metaphors

via simsgonewrong

The little kid inside all of us is waiting to burst out. Literally.

9. A Face Only a Parent Would Love

via doctorwhee

"I love you, son." "Help me, daddy."

10. "What Are You?!"

via lol-sims

Whoever draws the short straw changes the nappy.

11. Go Where Though...?

via Incruentus

12. Cannot Comprehend

via ElagabalusRex

Okay, the baby has glitched out hideously, but why is the adult in a "very flirty" mood? No, nope. Go away. *Deletes saved game and burns PC*

13. Before Slender Man There Was Tender Kid

via grilledfortune

Moral of the story, kids: always be nice to people, otherwise you may become part of a terrible origin story.

Have you seen glitches like this before in your Sims games?

Pop pictures and tales in the comments! I cannot wait to hear them and feel strangely bad for my streams of tearful laughter...


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