Now, if there's one thing that the comic-book version of the X-Men is known for (other than being a civil rights allegory, and punching), it's the ridiculously tangled love lives of its leading mutants. Hardly a year goes by where one of our heroes doesn't fall in love with someone inappropriate, have a psychic love-affair with someone who isn't their partner, or inadvertently have a kid with a leading super-villain.
In the X-Men movies, though - unlike, say, The Marvel Cinematic Universe - things are a whole lot more straightforward, surely?
After all, they've only had a handful of movies in which to...create some of the most complicated love...pentagons ever seen on screen.
Yup, that's right:
The X-Men's Sex Lives Are Ridiculously Complicated
And, when I say ridiculously complicated, I mean there really is a love pentagon involved - and that's not a thing you tend to be able to say outside of daytime soaps...
First up, though:
Jean Grey Gets Her Pick of (Emotionally Closed-Off) Men
Yup, that's right, where else to start but with the X-Men's most enduring - and lovably dorky - love triangle.
Take one loving, slightly awkward-seeming couple:
Add one wild, crazed berserker with razor-sharp claws:
Add a pinch of the body-and-soul-possessing Phoenix force:
And what do you get? Some really awkward making out (and a whole lot of gratuitous Cyclops murder)...
Which, admittedly, is an improvement on the comics, where Cyclops had a psychic affair with Emma Frost, because...of...reasons?
Iceman, Rogue and Kitty Pryde are Never Happy
We now welcome our first love rectangle to the team, though, in which Rogue and Iceman totally have the hots for each other:
But so do Iceman and Kitty Pryde:
Which, seeing as Rogue and Iceman kissing each other really doesn't go well...
...Inevitably leads to a whole lot of (power-removing) relationship drama.
Though, on the plus side, it seems to eventually resolve itself by the end of Days of Future Past, by (sort-of) setting Kitty up with this guy:
Even if that was mainly for all of us fans of the comics, because...Colossus?
The biggest, baddest love-kerfuffle in town, though?
Professor X and Magneto (and Mystique) Are Terrible at Dating
After all, back in X-Men: First Class, Magneto and Mystique flirt up a storm:
While Mystique and Beast get awkward around each other:
Meanwhile, Professor X is falling for (and then mind-wiping) Moira McTaggart:
But also totally has strange, pseudo-incestuous feelings for his kind-of-adopted sister Mystique:
As well as a whole lot of sexual tension with his best-bro Magneto:
Which...wasn't really in the comics...was it?
All of which adds up to a seriously awkward love pentagon - and presumably some even more awkward parties:
All of which is to say nothing about:
The Seriously Awkward Sex That Happened Off Screen
In which Mystique...
...And freaky Devil dude Azazel...
...Totally had sex.
Or, at least, that's what almost certainly happened - since we're about to see Nightcrawler reappear in the movies...
...And those two are totally his parents in the comics:
And the most awkward part of all of that?
There's Still Very Little Chance Anyone Ever Hooked Up With Banshee
Not even Havok...