A recent trailer for the new Despicable Me spin-off Minions dives into the strange origin story for the little yellow creatures that have won the hearts of millions. Did you know that the odd peg shaped guys pre-date the birth of man? That they rode dinosaurs like mighty prehistoric warriors? That they were there to witness Napoleon's Waterloo? That it was they, not Van Helsing, that slew Dracula? Indeed, this is a missing link revelation that deserves to a thorough breakdown...
Yes, it would seem that these odd creatures we refer to as Minions were there at the dawn of time - already bashful about not wanting to come out of the prehistoric waters without covering their private bits with some star fish. Immediately they were drawn to the captivating power of evil - from the most vicious dinosaur to rule the land, to the most fearsome caveman...
Despite their inclination to be the servants for the despicable forces of villainy, these yappy yellow ageless creatures could be the unwitting champions of good - placed on Earth as part of some mysterious plan to vanquish the nefarious intentions of whatever new offender may arise next.
For throughout the ages the Minions were there. From the time man forged steel to wield mighty blades for evildoing, they were sure they fell upon them - or that they fell and the sword fell on them. And when gunpowder was invented and cannons roared across the territories, the Minions dispatched the power-hungry lunatics.
Yes, even the supernatural beings that haunted the nightmares of mankind were not immune to the ways of the Minions. Dracula himself, on his 357th birthday, was another victim of the curious intentions of these be-goggled beings. And now it would seem that the time has come for a certain Scarlet Overkill to be seduced and destroyed by three Minions in particular - Kevin, Stuart and Bob.
They may seem innocent enough and we find out that Scarlet Overkill has somehow fallen under the spell of these beings of mysterious origins and have enlisted them to help her steal the Queen's crown jewels. No doubt the Minions are only laying in wait, holding out for the perfect opportunity to foil Scarlet's plans.
Or have the Minions finally succumb to the powers of evil? Have the trappings of modern times, like tantalizing fire hydrants, caused the Minions to loose sight of their purpose on this planet?
Have these odd tic-tac shaped creatures finally gotten a taste of power and allowed it to get to their heads? Do they even have heads? Will Scarlet Overkill prove to be too much for these three brave Minions? Will the power that comes with British Royalty be the undoing of these magical beings?
Let us hope and pray that our righters of wrongs, the Minions who have kept the balance of good over evil throughout time eternal have not fallen to the dark side. What would become of humanity were it not for the Minions and their mysterious ways of keeping the worlds greatest villains from ever achieving their goals. Be sure to find out on July 10th when The Minions, perhaps the most important movie you will ever see, opens at a theater near you.