ByAllanah Faherty, writer at
Senior staff writer | Twitter: @allanahfaherty | Email: [email protected]
Allanah Faherty

We've long suspected that there must be more to funny-man Chris Pratt than meets the eyes. After making his start in the industry in the early 2000s, Pratt's breakout roles were in the TV series Parks and Recreation, and Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 1. It was following his Guardians success that people starting noticing that things weren't quite adding up with Pratt, and the scientific world started conducting a series of experiments.

With his next blockbuster, Jurassic World about to hit screens on June 12, a breakthrough has been made with research, and now for the first time the truth has finally been revealed: Chris Pratt's irresistibility factor is due to the fact that he is actually the human version of a Totino Pizza Roll. It may sound farfetched but if you look at the science it all adds up, and in fact, some scientists have even theorized that if Pratt continues on this upwards trajectory, at some point Pratt and Totino's will converge and we may have our first human Totino. A delicious fate.

Take a look at these 9 pieces of evidence that the experts have come up with that definitively show that Chris Pratt is the human equivalent of a Totino Pizza Roll:

1. He looks straight-up delicious

When conducting experiments, experts found test subjects physically unable to restrain themselves from drooling over both Pratt and the pizza rolls.

2. He understands perfect food combinations

It's a very precise science to get the balance of similar foodstuffs together to make the perfect blend, but somehow Chris has managed to match Totino's ability to do so perfectly - how else could he have known?!

3. He's totally cheesy

Researchers found it physically impossible to stuff more cheese into either.

4. He's already halfway there

Photo evidence speaks for itself.

5. He too was once unshaped and ready to be molded into greatness

The life-cycle of a Totino and Chris Pratt suggests they have similar beginnings.

6. He's the life of the party

It was found that there was the exact same response to Chris Pratt entering a party as there was when a plate of Totino's was set down.

7. He's equally as cute

I want to make a heartfelt apology for whatever it is I end up accidentally saying during the forthcoming #JurassicWorld...

Posted by Chris Pratt on Friday, May 22, 2015

It's undeniable that mini pizza rolls are adorable, however it was only a recent Facebook post from Pratt that drew his 'cute-factor' to an equal level - it was a close call, but he managed to do it.

8. He's also enjoyed more with no clothes on

There were a number of volunteer test subjects for this particular experiment and all evidence came back that the two could both be well enjoyed topless.

9. He doesn't look half-bad when he's dressed up all fancy

Researchers found that a smartly dressed Chris Pratt could impress a group of adults as much as parsley-sprinkled Totino's with a side of fancy dipping sauces.

Brought to you by Totino's :)


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