ByMatthew Gray, writer at
Just your average, everyday Sithlord. Or, maybe more a Grey Jedi who happens to be a huge Spider-Man fan to boot.
Matthew Gray

The Setup

Emperor Palpatine has decided to crush the Rebellion once and for all using knowledge he has recently acquired. Across the expanse of the Universe, the evil Emperor has received knowledge of the all-powerful Infinity Gems. One in particular, the Power Gem can make his new model Death Star truly unbeatable and allow him to stretch his sphere of power much farther than its current boundaries. The problem? The gem is on the dismal planet of pain known as Apokolips ruled by the uber-powerful godlike Darkseid.

Palpatine wants this gem desperately. As powerful as he is, he doesn't want to confront Darkseid directly. Would even the Force be enough to topple him? Who knows? But, the Emperor didn't obtain his current status without careful planning. He needs a small commando team to do his bidding, one of stealth, but, also one that can take care of itself should the need arise.

Darth Vader

That's right!  I run this!!!
That's right! I run this!!!

Every team has an Alpha dog and there would be no bigger, badder one than the Emperor's star apprentice. Look at him. The guy just oozes intimidation. With his mastery of the Force, he would be more than a match for any challenger short of Darkseid on Apokolips. He can also use the Force to conceal his presence. Physical combat? You do not want to challenge him! Let's forget for a second that he wields one of the greatest weapons ever created in the lightsaber. He's badass enough to choke you out without even being in the same room with you. Even in this team of cutthroats, there won't be many challenges to his authority. He'll keep the Neanderthals in line.

Jason Voorhees

Run #%&*@s
Run #%&*@s

On an insignificant dirtball of a planet called Earth, there's a legend of an unstoppable, some say supernatural, killing machine named Jason Voorhees. No matter how many times he seemingly dies, he comes back for more. You can stab him, shoot him, dismember him, set his shoes on fire, nothing works. And power? He has oodles. How does knocking a guy's head off with one punch grab you?

Now, in Vader's mind, you replace some of those weak fleshy parts of Jason's anatomy with some advanced cyborg upgrades and change out the machete for something a little more potent in the Empire's arsenal and you have a weapon of mass destruction that you can point at any enemy. He can at least be a distraction keeping Darkseid's forces occupied while Vader does his thing. He also has some stealth skills about him, too. Most of his victims don't know he's around until it's too late. And if this irresistible tank gets out of line? Vader will just lop off his limbs for him.


Lock and load 'ya bastiches!!!!
Lock and load 'ya bastiches!!!!

Forget Boba Fett. THIS is the baddest ass bounty hunter in the galaxy! For the right price he'll take on Darkseid himself for you. With the vast financial reserves of the Empire, Vader can more than afford the Last Czarnian's services. And don't think he'd be a pushover either. Vader has now hired someone of Superman-level power. That's some heavy ammunition in your camp. And, again, someone who can run interference for the Dark Lord of the Sith with Darkseid if necessary.

As for challenging Vader's authority? As long as Lobo's getting paid and the Empire throws a ton of females in his direction, he's cool.

The Enchantress

I have your heart.  Here, let me show it to you!
I have your heart. Here, let me show it to you!

The Asgardian goddess, Amora, has a plethora of magic tricks at her disposal including transforming herself to look like someone else. If Vader were to capture one of Darkseid's agents, he can send the Enchantress in to take his place. She could be a valuable tool for getting close to Darkseid and learning the exact location of the gem. And, if she gets into any difficulties? Did I mention she's an Asgardian goddess? Physical strength and magic prowess will get her through most scrapes on Apokolips.

Why does she agree to this? Vader has agreed to find the mind gem for her. With this gem, she may finally be able to enslave the true object of her affection, the Odinson himself, Thor. Of course Vader knows he can't trust her. But, the Force will alert him of any deception on her part. And, of course he has no intention of keeping his end of this bargain. Ask Lando Calrissian how trustworthy the Dark Lord is.


Darth Vader, Jason Voorhees, Lobo, and Amora. My personal Suicide Squad invading the planet Apokolips. Vader intends to be the only one to get off this rock alive. He has to pay Lobo up front so there isn't much he can do to betray him initially. If the Czarnian is obliterated by Darkseid's Omega Beams, oh well! Jason will plow through Darkseid's army. Again, if he gets blown to a million pieces? So what? Vader will just leave him on Apokolips to gather himself again. Then, he's Darkseid's problem forever. As for Amora, Vader will expose her deception and let you know who mete out punishment. They're all distractions anyway. Distractions for Vader himself to get his hands on the gem. And when that happens, who knows what will transpire? He is a Sithlord after all!


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