ByKristian Bloomer, writer at

After a splendiferous evening down on the sand dunes, smoking some of The Ports finest Ganja, the gang and I decided to come home and give Doom a chance to stand out from its fellow video game movie adaptations.

After our daily trip to our local herbalist, we set out on a journey to find a beautiful spot for us to enjoy nature along with the dank 'erb. We didn't have to venture very far to find our ideal spot, one of the benefits to going to a university on the coast is having the luxury of getting fucking stoned on a variety of beaches. One spliff lead to another and somehow we came up with the terrible idea to watch DOOM.

The smoke spot sourced from my  cybernetic eye.
The smoke spot sourced from my cybernetic eye.

The movie opens with a chase scene typical of any monster wherein a couple of un-introduced and ultimately unimportant characters get mauled by an unknown creature at the site of a Martian archaeological dig. We are then transported back to Earth where we meet our supposed 'heroes' through a very cliché character introduction.

The film follows the standard teenage slasher movie template revolving around stupid decisions, silly mistakes and a crippling inability to turn on a light. Oh and drug use. Yeah because popping pills in a Martian hell is a good idea. The premise for the movie is a rescue mission going wrong in every way imaginable including one of our 'heroes' going a wee bit crazy and killing anything that he sees fit. With a classic DOOM first person shooter scene and a battle between good and evil to decide the fate of the human race can Earth's most abysmal soldiers save the day?

TL:DR we got stoned and watched doom. it's shit, the rocks haircut is shit, the whole thing is fucking shit. 10/10

Your eyes are drawn to that hairline, aren't they?
Your eyes are drawn to that hairline, aren't they?

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