Joel Coen has been hospitalized and has fallen into a coma. In a desperate attempt to save him, Ethan Coen, inspired by the films Inception and The Fantastic Voyage, undergoes an experimental process to descend into his brother's subconscious in an attempt to wake him from his coma. The only problem is that Joel's subconscious is full of the same hitmen, hustlers, and other ne'er-do-wells that populate the brothers' films-- and all of them are lost in a perpetually recycling plot line, doomed to repeat the same scenes over and over again in perpetuity. In order to survive his suicide mission, Ethan assembles some of the most dangerous of these characters into a team, promising them that if they manage to wake Joel from his coma, then he will provide them with the same thing that all movie characters seek: a clean resolution.
1. Anton Chigurh
Despite Anton's ruthlessness, you have to admit, he is pretty good at sticking to a job, even after everyone else involved is dead and buried. Anton's an easy hire for Ethan, because even if the brother fails, he knows that the the unfortunately-barbered hitman will be there in his absence, still shooting up whoever is necessary with a silenced shotgun in order to make sure the job is done. He will of course decide weather or not to help based on the result of a single coin flip, friend-o.
2. Walter Sobchak
While I very much wanted to include The Dude on this list, his ability to do much else beyond drinking Caucasians, smoking joints, and bowling is like, whatever, man. Walter, on the other hand, is very experienced at showing what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, and is always packing heat, to boot. He will also be extremely important when doing battle against nihilists. You know there's got to be heaps of those guys just hanging out in a man's subconscious.
3. Marge Gunderson
Just as Amanda Waller and Rick Flagg are on hand to keep DC's Suicide Squad from going off the rails, it will be Marge Gunderson who will keep the Coens' squad in check with her common sense, spot-on police work, and "yeah, you betcha's." When faced with such a pristine vision of all that is good in the world, do you think even Anton Chigurh would be capable of turning on his teammates? Well, yeah, probably, but somebody's husband has to be responsible for cookin' everyone's eggs.
4. Rooster Cogburn
It might seem odd to have another lawman on a team full of villains, but Jeff Daniels's Rooster Cogburn proved to be anything but an upstanding lawman. He's crass, gruff, and can cuss and drink with the best of them. Without young Mattie Ross to keep him in line, he's just as likely to cause as much collateral damage as anyone else on the list, so he stays. I won't be the one who tells him otherwise.