ByBJ Hall, writer at
I write Comedy, Do Stand-up, Travel Through Time, and enjoy the FUCK out of a good movie! Twitter: @InitiallyDirty FB: https://www.facebook.
BJ Hall

In my last admission into the contest I went with a very powerful set of villains. The team was hard hitting, and could probably go right out there and take on a lot of bad guys doing bad things at the peril of their own mortality, but ya see, when it comes to teams it's not always the most powerful in supernatural ability, or even genetic enhancement. Sometimes you can make a team that is formidable but not flashey. A group that hides in the shadows, and might not be looked at twice........ or be so damn crazy that it would just be damn cool to see!

Here is The Mastermind, The Enforcer, The Vixen, and The Wildcard - what I call the Shadow Suicide Squad!


The Mastermind - Colonel Walter E. Kurtz (Apocalypse Now)

NAME: Colonel Walter E. Kurtz

  • Master Strategist
  • Master Manipulator
  • Leader of Zealot Armies that view him as God
  • Ruthless
  • Unpredictable

Think about it like this: What if in Apocalypse Now , Martin Sheen's character didn't travel all that way to kill Kurtz, but to instead recrute him to be the leader of the Shadow Suicide Squad?! I think that would have been awesome, and if you would like to see a list of the Colonel's life long accomplishments I suggest you go catch the flick, and when you do think about it like the time Nick Fury sent Black Widow to get The Hulk, but it took an even longer time during one of the lowest points in human history..... or you can just check out the video below of Martin Sheen's character getting shown by high ranking governments officials just how terrified they are of him and what he can do.

Yeah he is crazy, CRAZY RIGHT! But just because you are right doesn't make it okay. What it does do however is make you the leader of the team!


The Enforcer - Tyler Durden (Fight Club)

aka The  Juggernaut
aka The Juggernaut

NAME: Tyler Durden (?)
RACE: Human/Spirit of Chaos

  • Organized Insanity
  • High Pain Endurence
  • Expert in Hand to Hand combat
  • Master Manipulator
  • Possibly possessed by an ancient spirit of Chaos

I dont know how many of you know but Chuck Palahniuk has written a sequal, of which I wrote about in an earlier article that you can read by CLICKING HERE. In the article i go over the small bit of news straight from Chuck on how he is going to evolve the character and make Tyler a sort of ancient spirit that has been possessing humans as its hobby or purpose, and enabling them to raise armies and inspire chaos. Now I don't know about you, but I cannot wait to read that - and it is out RIGHT NOW!

I know, I know, we're not supposed to talk about it...
I know, I know, we're not supposed to talk about it...

Apart from that, I believe Tyler to be a hell of an asset to a team of this sort. He would be completely unassuming, and instantly turn into a nihilistic philosophy spitting force of nature that could not only take punishement and win arguments about sociological structuring of wealth, but he could also get inside your head and then kick the crap out of you - shirt off. Also I believe he would find Kurtz interesting, and if anything become his right hand of doom. Could you imagine?


The Vixen - Jennifer Check (Jennifer's Body)

aka Demoness
aka Demoness

NAME: Jennifer Check
RACE: Human/Demon

  • Super Strength
  • Enhanced Agility
  • Healing Factor
  • Transform into Demon
  • Eat Your Soul

I could not have picked a better vixen for this group of dark misfits. In the film, she is taken in the woods where she is the victim of a satanic ritual, and instead of dying Jennifer comes back to wreak havoc on the race of men. It's like if we toned down the sexual violence of I Spit of Your Grave, and turned up the supernatural to 100, this is what sort of crazy vengful spirit we are dealing with here. She is really a force to be reckoned with, and also extremely sexy. So much so that she could be used as a distraction, or a full on slaughter bomb inside of any male dominated situation. Working with a team of men however may be a problem, but one easily solved when given that if she slips up, hell is on the other side waiting for her - but if she plays along, well she can have all the free meals of man meat she wants. Which I am sure she would gladly take over roasting any day. Plus she is funny as hell, and seems to get a kick out of being powerful - which I dig on account of every other girl in a movie who is possessed comes off as emotionally weak, she owns it. Welcome to the team, is all I have to say!


The Wildcard - Randall Flagg (The Stand/The Gunslinger Series)

aka Man in Black
aka Man in Black

NAME: Randall Flagg
RACE: Unknown, but once human is it assumed

  • Reality Manipulation
  • Master Manipulator
  • Teleportation
  • Master of Sorcery
  • Telepathy
  • Limited Clairvoyance
  • Healing Factor
  • Invader of Dreams
  • Quasi-immortality

I dont know about you, but i love this character. He was the pulling factor when I was a kid to even watch the miniseries, because it was so long for a kid of 8.
Once I saw Flagg though, in his denim jacket and groovy button-ry, well I was hooked. Yeah he was a bad guy, but damn did he have swagger. Then as i got older I read The Gunslinger and he gets even better. You get the idea that Flagg doesn't even really seem to know what he is even doing half the time. He just shows up when reality is on the brink of destruction from some interdimensional doorway, and Boom - Trouble incarnate.
This is his description:

"an accomplished sorcerer and a devoted servant of the Outer Dark" with general supernatural abilities involving necromancy, prophecy, and unnatural influence over predatory animal and human behavior. His goals typically center on bringing down civilizations, usually through spreading destruction and sowing conflict."

He is savvy, suave, and really powerful - but the real thing about him that makes him get the wildcard slot in this team is the fact he is so mysterious I doubt anyone could guess his true motives or the extent of his powers - even himself. If you could capture him, and find a way to wrangle him to the point to where you could kill him if you wanted too - he would totally work for you as much as he does the Red King. As a member of this team however he would be like the Tony Stark of bad guys. Making quips, doing cool things, and utterly destroying the competition. Ya gotta love Flagg!






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