I have vivid memories of a life with an abundance of time and people. I remember day after day wondering how I will fill all the time in my day and spending much of that time with friends and family. While I still have these memories, I can feel changes, changes in how my time is spent. I'm finding myself with less and less time these days to spend with family and friends. It's been weeks since I've had time to sit and wonder what to do with it all.
I first started to blog just for fun. Some of my friends were doing it and they seemed to have so much fun doing it. I wanted to be a part of the group, I wanted to be a blogger too. I did notice that there were certain things they were neglecting the more they blogged. Of course not all my friends were on the same level of blogging. Some of my friends took blogging to another level. I always told myself I'd never blog, but the thoughts had slowly crept in, justifying the idea. I'd create scenarios where I would justify an article each week, I mean, what harm could that do, how much time could really be lost, what could I possibly neglect?
I felt if my friends tried to push blogging on me that must mean they're bad friends, bad influences. It's so simple, so easy to start blogging, it's everywhere you look, everyone's doing it! It's especially easy for those with friends who blog.
I went through a recent rebellious state, completely flipping my logic upside down. I told myself I would be in control. If I want to stop blogging, it's so simple, just stop, right?
At first I was just trying to have fun, maybe meet some people who like to blog and we can blog together! We did, I did, and then I started to see a whole new world of blogging. What started out as simple Facebook blogging (aka spamming), grew into a larger ambition, an ambition that led me into a tiny bell hung around the dirty doorknob of a Web Design shop in town. I wanted my own website. I wanted it to become like so many already well-established geek sites and find myself nerding out at a convention or premiere having interactions so few get to have.
The Web Designer told me he had a special option for blogging, better blogging than I was previously using. He showed my so many options for blogging, my eyes got big, and my ambition bigger. I saw a special blog, I pointed, and after I paid the man his price, I owned that very special blog.
I went home, and immediately dove into blogging. Article after article, things were looking up for me. I was getting more and more excited, I was blogging more and more. Soon I found myself glued to my blog, lights off, neglecting my hygiene, neglecting my responsibilities. My passion grew, and I wanted to track my habits and my performances while blogging. So I went back to my web designer, he showed me so many blogging add-ons! It made blogging look and feel like a brand new experience with new perspective. This came in the form of site traffic counters. Soon I was tracking several hundred visitors a day!
I picked my head up, looking around at my friends, and they'd all seemed to move on from blogging. Now they're looking at me, as I sleep at my kitchen table, growing paler by the day. They see my negligence, my diet has become restricted to bagged food and aluminum canned beverages. I bounce my legs, forgetting I have to urinate, but I'm almost done with an article.
A very special friend of mine noticed my depravity, and through grace came to me in my home, and attempted an intervention. He told me to give him just a few short minutes and he'd prove to me what a waste my blogging is. I was arrogant, nothing could prove me wrong. So I gave in, allowed him the "opportunity" to prove it to me, he downloaded Google Analytics.
Once fully registered, and Google Analytics linked with my blog, it was like seeing for the first time. Like I had been living a life I didn't really know about. I didn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. Google was telling me I wasn't getting hundreds of visits per day, instead was closer to 40! I gasped in disbelief, looking, clicking, scanning, and more clicking, searching for the truth I knew! I couldn't find it, the truth was clear, the truth was bold. The audience I thought I'd had didn't exist! What have I been doing all this time? It's all for nothing! I closed my laptop.
The next day I opened my laptop, began a routine set of searches for nerd news, and with new eyes, I was taking new notice of each site. I went to the site I frequent the most, knowing they have a community platform for posting articles. When I signed up, I found myself limited, limited in commenting and extremely limited on posting articles. The FAQs claimed there was a waiting period, a probationary period of time I have to wait in order to begin posting articles. There was no information available as to how long this period of time lasts, so I sent emails. I went ignored. So, I moved on.
I found a new site, a site I didn't favor for its layouts but a site I long visited because of the amount of perspectives had in such a large community of people posting articles. I began reading articles, noticing and admiring the community created on that site. There was a particularly interesting set of icons which read "Quick Post", "Post", "Video", "Review", and "Quiz". These icons were links, well inviting links for visitors to start making their own articles about almost anything they found interesting in the entertainment industry. I clicked "Post", which prompted a sign-up process. Once signed up, I found it extremely interesting and easy to publish articles. But what I found very pleasing to me, became very addicting, more addicting than before.
I find myself drawn to the read counting feature. Which is highly encouraging for writers to not just think their work is being read but to see it. I am illogical when it comes to the frequency that I check the read counter. It motivates me. It has power over me. It can be the biggest motivator in creating more articles or it can be hugely deflating depending on how well received certain articles are. If the read counter isn't working, mentally I cannot contain myself. I sit in anticipation and in conflict with myself, wondering how many people if anyone is reading or being exposed to one or all of my articles. My brain wants to implode!
It's especially clear to me now, after being a part of this community for such a short period of time, the level of importance this platform is to me. I am writing constantly, and when I'm not, I'm in search of topics to write about or I'm taking notes on what to write about. I'm not interested in another intervention. I want no one else's truths. I have MoviePilot.