When I was five my dad moved out taking my brother and halve of the family valuables. I was left to carve my own way through life, so my great escape was football. I love watching it, playing it, staying home and filling notebook after notebook with formations that would make a normal person go insain. So when it comes to football movies I am quite the critic. I honestly get hung up on small things that really don't matter, but I have to embrace them.
So this led me to a movie that many laugh at, but I find subpar to the first one is "the longest yard." After pondering how I would recast this movie I had to really think "what will make this movie Pop." So it only made sense to instead of using actors make it a live action movie with real football players. I understand that ussually athletes make horrible actors and make solid scripts look like a complete joke. For the sake of entertainment let's pretend these are all great actors and will bring the script to life.
The obvious starting place is the lead of the role. The quarterback. Adam Sandler never really did it for me. He would have played in the early 2000's so a short guy like himself would never make it as an NFL MVP without elite speed; which Sandler did not have.
He looks super uncomfortable holding the football, and would never make it, (unless he was a kicker and nobody will pay money to see a movie about a kicker. Are kickers even people!?) so it brings me to my choice to lead my "mean machine" now to chose this querterback I factored in size, arm Strength, and an overall ability to be a badass. While I first though of Andrew luck or Payton manning I realized Andrew luck looks kinda like a guy that would want you to climb into their van
And Payton is collecting social security.
So I had to go to a with big strong, and pretty fast gun slinger in Cam Newton
Next up for hire is the coaching job. Which after deflategate who do you really think would be in prison? The obvious easy pick was bill belichick.
I doubt even beating them nasty prison guards would make home smile, But maybe you could get a grimace. To save on space I will cover the next three players together. First will be caretaker played by a kicker obviously. (I am thinking Caleb sturgis) next you need a wide receiver to catch that game winning touchdown. (Who else could be more of a pass catching standout like Stevie smith) and finally you need a enforcer on defense. Now in the movie they made the enforcer a D-linemen, but I think Richard Sherman would be willing to kick some Prison Guard ass.
I think overall if this cast was used in a movie of Anykind. I would go to see it, if only to see Sherman flip out on a reporter.