ByFluffy Duckerman, writer at
He's a mean motherfuck*r!
Fluffy Duckerman

Jaden Smith is bat-shit insane, that much is clear from his Twitter posts. Fortunately, I am bat-shit crazy. If you've ever talked to me in real-life, you would know that basically everything that comes out of my mouth is absolute rubbish. What makes me different from Jaden is that I know everything I say is bat-shit crazy. Using my unique mind set, I am determined to discover what's up with Jaden Smith's Twitter posts. Wish me luck!

I'm going to drop the first bomb shell, I'm not American. I'm from Australia, aka 'straya aka land down under etc. Anyway, so I had to do some research on this sixth amendment and what I found was a little weird.

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favour, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.

To put it simply, this is just stating the conditions of a standard trial for anyone facing a prosecution. What this has to do with Jaden Smith absolutely baffles me. It's almost as if he just looked through amendments, did eeny meeny miny moe and was like "yeah, that'll do".

Well I can't really find anything on Jaden Smith committing any crimes. Maybe he's committing one in the future and he's just planning ahead? Maybe he just messed up the amendments. No, the fifth and seventh are still about going to court.

The best theory I have is that Jaden was bored, picked an amendment at random and then made a Twitter post about it for attention. Next tweet!

Oh dear, I...I just don't know any more. Technically, he is right about dying being mainstream. Everyone does it, unless you're a vampire. So does that make Jaden Smith a vampire? Well he didn't say he was a hipster so I think we don't have to worry about checking for garlic when serving Jaden's meals.

This is where I've reached a bit of a dead end. WHAT THE HELL IS HE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is he talking about life insurance? Yes! That's it! He's talking about life insurance. He must of bought li-

Wait...the date. Of course! It's the Mayan Calendar Apocalypse. Oh, that feels good. Still doesn't explain the . He probably just thought it sounded cool. I don't know why the Mayan Apocalypse would connect with money. Let's just move on.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, JADEN WHY?? WHY? WHY? WHY? Who's Luke and why does he have a trident? Is it Luke Skywalker? Are Lightsabers tridents now? I'm going to get a headache trying to figure this out. He might of been making an obscure Percy Jackson reference. I really don't know. Let's just move on.

Nope. Just nope.
Nope. Just nope.

(deep inhale) (deep exhale) You know what? It's cool. I'm fine, I don't care. Why would I care? THIS MAKES PERFECT SENSE! I SHOULDN'T BE COMPLAINING AT ALL! He's colour blind. That's the only rational explanation. Either that, or he's taking drugs. Well, whatever helps you sleep at night. Let's go to the next one.

People, I didn't know how it could possibly get any worse than blue fucking trees but Jaden Smith did it. He made something even stranger. First of all, Jaden seems to be under the impression that the fact that our eyes aren't real is something we already know. Is he talking about how what we see is just an image our brain creates due to a reaction to light from the retinas? We'll just assume that.

What's up with the mirrors? Jaden just seemed to feel the need to let us in on one of his little "acid trips". Perhaps Jaden is confused with how mirrors work. Posting on Twitter probably isn't the way to go but at least he's curious. Can he do worse than this? I don't doubt it.

Guys, we have answers. This is it. Jaden is a newborn baby that can talk. It all makes sense! Jaden is clearly speaking from experience here and we should believe him. Look to newborn babies people, they hold the answer.

Were we thinking that trees are sad in the first place? Something can be sad and beautiful. Why do you have to be judgemental? Do trees even feel? I think Jaden probably just has a thing for trees and wanted to share his love with the world. Hits me right in the feels.

A triangle has 3 sides, it's always 3, Jaden works for the Illuminati! Either that or he has a fear of 3s, much like the almighty Gaben. Either way, Jaden needs help and we're here to give it to him.

No, I don't think I get it. This entire article has been trying TO get it. Challenge accepted Jaden. I WILL GET IT!

Wow. Jaden should make that a poem. I have no idea what it means but it still sounds catchy. I think that just sort of popped into his head and he decided to write it down because he had a bit too much crack cocaine. Either that or he knows too much and we have to kill him.

I don't see a problem with that. Do you see a problem with that? No, next tweet.

I'm sorry, I've been looking at my hands for hours and I still don't know why I can't get a girlfriend. You've disappointed me, Jaden.

Ah, thanks Jaden. You've clarified a few things. Why am I writing this article when all we have to do is wait for Jaden to die? It'll take a while but I can wait. The answers are coming in several decades. Just you wait.

Well, I hope I managed to clarify a few things about the dark side of Twitter. Tell me some of your favourite Jaden Smith Twitter posts and try to make sense of them. Have a great day! Or not, nothing's real anyway...


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