It's not everyday that you find a fan theory combining one of your childhood favorites with today's best irreverent comedy, but, sometimes, miracles happen. In this case, we have beloved coming of age/ghost story Casper colliding with everyone's favorite bullsh*tters in [It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia](tag:200878), and it's a doozy.
Redditor TheWestRemembers came up with this incredible theory (so give him all the karma and upvotes). Before we can get into the nitty gritty, we must go over my favorite sociopath's legendary but deplorable method for getting girls, aptly called the D.E.N.N.I.S. system. Dennis sums it up in narcissistic fashion in the video below (but don't worry if you can't watch, they'll be a review next):
Though Dennis pitches his system as a "comprehensive approach to seduction," it's really more of a full-blown deception to trick women into sleeping with him. In a strange twist of fate, it seems that Casper (the supposedly friendly ghost) actually pioneered this strategy in order to get that memorable kiss from Christina Ricci.
Let's take a look at how it all shakes out...
The D.E.N.N.I.S. System
For those who can't watch the video or who just want a comprehensive study of this predatory approach, here are the basics:
- Demonstrate Value: Be a loving, great guy with genuine concern
- Engage Physically: Make contact and an ultimate connection
- Nurturing Dependence: Make her depend on you and only you
- Neglect Emotionally: Begin avoiding the emotional support you used to offer
- Inspire Hope: Profess an even stronger reaffirmation of your love and adoration
- Separate Entirely: Turn her world upside down by doing the exact opposite of everything you've done so far
Now, here's how Casper managed to sneak this method right past us in a family movie...
D - Demonstrate Value
Right off the bat, Casper proves his worth to Kat by being the purportedly "friendly ghost." He defends this new houseguest from his three uncles, who demean and terrorize her with Kat-calls, becoming a lifeline in Kat's newand strange town.
E - Engage Physically
Next, Casper is sure to make contact with her, even if it's a not touching in the conventional sense. He passes his ghostly form through her before grabbing her by the ankle and taking her wailing body to the lighthouse. What could be more romantic than that?
N - Nurturing Dependence
Kat's not having an easy time making friends at school, so Casper is sure to make her fully dependent on him. He ties all their shoelaces together but leaves Kat's untouched, so everyone but her careens to the floor when the bell rings.
Back at home, he is sure to make it clear that they share a special connection that no one else can match. With her dad consumed with his work, Casper is effectively her only real friend and support system.
N - Neglect Emotionally
Here's when Casper flips the switch. "Oh, you've started paying attention to a real body of flesh? Suddenly my translucent self isn't good enough? Let me mope in my attic because another boy asked you out."
I - Inspire Hope
This is the moment that Casper plays his strongest hand. He doesn't just turn into a human, he turns into quintessential '90s teen crushbait Devon Sawa and wastes no time asking Kat, "Can I keep you?"
And the pair lived happily ever after, right?
S - Separate Entirely
NOPE. Casper's only human for a whopping ten minutes before he goes right back to being his untouchable ghostly self. He snags his kiss and quickly reverts to his old ways. Ugh, he's so transparent.
Dennis would be so proud.