BySam Plank, writer at
"You have to be what you are. Whatever you are, you gotta be it." -Johnny Cash. Tweet a tweeter at my twitty twitter, @tw1tterintw1t
Sam Plank

So we've all seen The Expendables 1:

and 2:

and 3:

and hope to see number 4 someday:

And we'll continue to see them until they hit number 30, right?

Now, they're making an all-female Expendabelles, as you're well aware-

Moviepilot even ranted about it!

Those movies cover all the past, present and future buff (or used to be) actors and actresses. Great! But what about the other guys? You know who I'm talkin' about. The slightly chubby, or very chubby, not-so-good-looking folks?

Some of the not-so-perfect-bod elite of hollywood have been sort-of action stars, but most of them will never hold a machine gun and scream at an alien.


Here's my dream cast for...

The Expandedables!!!

John Goodman as the head badass

You can NOT have a big guy action movie with out him!

Kevin James

He's been a boxer and a mall cop twice, so he knows some ins and outs of busting the baddies and busting a face.

Gabrielle Not-As-Puffy-Anymore Iglesias

We GOTTA have some comic relief!

Kathy Bates

She tore it up in Misery! Why not here?

Kirstie Alley

I have no clue if she's even chunky this week, but hey, by the end of the movie, she could be!

Jack Black

Nacho? Nacho average Libre!!!

Alec Baldwin

He could be the used-to-be-a-stud-but-now-he's-a-spud dude

Steven Seagal

Most definitely our Dolph Lundgren. He was a guaranteed hit back in his hayday, but now, he's doing weird Aikido demonstrations on Youtube:

Mama June


George Wendt

Drinkin at the bar all day, kickin butt and takin names all night!

Chris Farley

Every seen Beverly Hills Ninja? Ignore the fact that he's dead, and imagine the possibilities with all this cool digital stuff we can do these days. He could help the team by being their guide from the otherworld, or whatever.

Larry the Cable Guy

How else are they gonna GIT ER DONNNNE?

Wayne Knight

From Newman to that jerk that set all the dinosaurs free in Jurassic Park, he would be perfect as the team's nemesis!

Melissa Mccarthy

She's losin the pounds pretty good, but she would be a nice feminine touch to the team. Even though she could probably out-belch and out-fart any of the fellas!

Who do you think would make a good Expandedables cast? Comment below!


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