BySandra Harris, writer at Creators.co

JURASSIC WORLD. 2015. DIRECTED BY COLIN TREVORROW. STARRING CHRIS PRATT, BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD, NICK ROBINSON, TY SIMPKINS, VINCENT D’ONOFRIO, IRRFAN KHAN AND B.D. WONG. BASED ON CHARACTERS CREATED BY MICHAEL CRICHTON. THEME TUNE BY JOHN WILLIAMS. REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©

JURASSIC WORLD- 2015 was always going to be a vastly different beast to the three JURASSIC PARK movies of the ‘Nineties and early ‘Noughties. No Sam Neill, for one thing, or Jeff Goldblum as the Flash Harry scientist or Laura Dern. No Julianne Moore, Vince Vaughan or Pete Postlethwaite and no lovely, cuddly rascally John Hammond, either, played of course by the late great Richard Attenborough.

There isn’t even so much as a hint of the original kids, Lexi and Timmy, or even perhaps their kids. Little Lexi is certainly old enough to be married with a sproglet or two by now. Sigh. Who could ever forget mischievous Sam Neill pretending to be electrified by the electric fence and scaring the living daylights out of John Hammond’s beloved grandchildren? No more, dear friends, no more…

That’s not to say, of course, that there aren’t nods to the original film all over the place, like the two kids uncovering the old Jurassic Park Visitor Centre and a special guest appearance by the cute little DNA guy from JP1. I’m just feeling hard-done-by because life moves on and things have to change, haha. Don’t mind me. I have such great memories of the original trilogy that I was always going to be suspicious of an extension of the blockbusting franchise.

I shouldn’t complain. Having a new JURASSIC PARK film to look forward to was a bit like hearing that there was going to be a new HOBBIT trilogy coming out that would revive all the LORD OF THE RINGS excitement from a decade earlier.

Naturally, twenty-one years on from the original film, there was always going to be an annoying, permanently bored teenager surgically attached to his smartphone in the new film. Check.

We were always going to be told in no uncertain terms that technology had moved on to a terrifying extent and that all the original Jurassic Park sciencey stuff was primitive by comparison. Check as well.

We’re even told that seeing a dinosaur is no big deal to the kids of today. Christ on a bicycle…! Can you even imagine that level of boredom and blasé–ness? I certainly hope that I’d never be ho-hum about seeing a dinosaur, of all things. The very idea…!

There’s overt corporate sponsorship allowed now too, by the way. Did you see Chris Pratt drinking that Coca-Cola…? Jeez Louise. Can they do that…? (As Homer Simpson might say…)

Okay, enough of my ramblings. What’s the deal with this new film? What’s the plot? Well, Zach and Gray Mitchell are two spoilt little rich kids packed off to the new improved JURASSIC WORLD theme park while their parents are off doing, well, parenty things.

Their Aunt Claire is supposed to be supervising them but their Aunt Claire is Jurassic World’s scarily efficient operations manager and she ain’t got no time no-how for those two mop-topped One Direction lookalikes she calls her nephews. They therefore wander around on their own in a park where all hell is literally just about to break loose…

The new genetically-modified dinosaur, the Indominus Rex, which comprises the DNA of several lethally predatory dinosaurs, has escaped from its enclosure. No-one is safe. Not Zach and Gray. Not Simon Masrani, the park’s frankly crazy new owner, or Vic Hoskins, head of InGen’s security, who wants to use the velociraptors as war-weapons, if you please. Not Dr. Henry Wu, the park’s chief geneticist.

Not even Aunt Claire, who sadly lacks the tousled, sexy naturalness of a Laura Dern or a Julianne Moore. Not even her ex-boyfriend whom she still fancies like mad, drop-dead-gorgeous Owen, the Velociraptor Whisperer, er, sorry, trainer and researcher. He talks hilariously in meaningful soundbites heavily-laden with sinister portent. (Great sentence, huh…?) ‘She’s not eating ’em. She’s killing for sport…’ Is that everyone…? Yep, I think so.

The dinosaurs, when they eventually appear, are bloody fantastic. (Note to the scriptwriters: Put the dinosaurs in SOONER! We don’t want to wait!) The Indominus Rex, the T-Rex, the velociraptors and, my personal favourite, the Mosasaurus, the leviathan who comes up out of the sea and eats literally everybody. The final showdown involving all the dinos is spectacular. Ah, that’s the stuff! Give me gigantic dinosaurs that are bigger than any that have come before and I’ll be as happy as Larry, whoever Larry is.

Of course, the new park owners have learned absolutely nothing from the mistakes of the previous park owners. But that’s a good thing, right? The more they repeat the mistakes of the past, the more chance we’ll have of having a JURASSIC PARK film to go and see every summer for the next couple of years. Long live the Big Summer Movie. Long live the JURASSIC PARK/WORLD franchise. Long live the dinosaurs. That’s what I say, anyway.

This is a good film. I deem it rackworthy, as Comic Book Guy once said. It may lack the wonder, mystery and magic of the first films but it’s still a worthy addition to the JP canon.There’s a lot in it, though, so I think I’m going to have to go and see it again. And again. And maybe one more time after that. It shouldn’t be any hardship to watch it again. In 3D next time. Giant dinosaurs and Chris Pratt’s perfectly tight, denim-clad butt…? Oh yeah…! Oh, and one more note to the scriptwriters. Next time, make him take his shirt off. For the whole of the film. And do lots of stretching and scratching his underarms and stuff. Capiche…?

AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.

Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based performance poet, novelist, film blogger, sex blogger and short story writer. She has given more than 200 performances of her comedy sex-and-relationship poems in different venues around Dublin, including The Irish Writers’ Centre, The International Bar, Toners’ Pub (Ireland’s Most Literary Pub), the Ha’penny Inn, Le Dernier Paradis at the Trinity Inn and The Strokestown Poetry Festival.

Her articles, short stories and poems have appeared in The Metro-Herald newspaper, Ireland’s Big Issues magazine, The Irish Daily Star, The Irish Daily Sun and The Boyne Berries literary journal. In August 2014, she won the ONE LOVELY BLOG award for her (lovely!) horror film review blog. She is addicted to buying books and has been known to bring home rain-washed tomes she finds on the street and give them a home.

She is the proud possessor of a pair of unfeasibly large bosoms. They have given her- and the people around her- infinite pleasure over the years. She adores the horror genre in all its forms and will swap you anything you like for Hammer Horror or JAWS memorabilia. She would also be a great person to chat to about the differences between the Director’s Cut and the Theatrical Cut of The Wicker Man. You can contact her at:

[email protected]

https://www.facebook.com/SandraHarrisPureFilthPoetry

https://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com

http://sexysandieblog.wordpress.com

http://serenaharker.wordpress.com

https://twitter.com/SandraAuthor

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