Welcome to summer, horror fans! My name is Taylor Terrible, and I'll be your camp counselor through this bloody, bloody summer ahead of us. -ahem- Um, did I say that out loud?
Our first excursion of the summer is going to be how to survive the season. No, that doesn't mean stay hydrated. That means I have a list of films I need you to watch before we get our summer of insanity started!
5) Tourist Trap
I never said they were all going to be about camp! Tourist Trap is a classic tale of a bunch of teenagers on a road trip...but they break down. In front of an old "abandoned" museum. Where the creepy owner controls his mannequins.
In short: RUN. Also, make sure that your vehicle is in top traveling condition before road-tripping because as horror fans, we know a broken down RV never ends well.
4) Cabin In the Woods
This is another road-tripping adventure story, but this time, they're hanging out at a...you guessed it...cabin in the woods! What could go wrong? They've got a lake, they've got their gorgeous cabin, they've got beautiful summer weather...wait, what? Are you trying to tell me nothing good can come from that?
You get your stereotypical horror characters, but here's the best part: it's done intentionally. I won't tell you why, but what I will tell you is that this is one of my favorite horror films of all time.
There's truth or dare, smoking out of a coffee mug, and plenty of crazy monsters!
3) Sleepaway Camp
Considered one of the creepiest cult-classic films among horror fans, Sleepaway Camp tells the story of quiet, shy Angela Baker who gets sent away to summer camp with her cousin. Shortly after, some truly awful stuff starts to happen.
This film has one of the most insane twists as an ending; if I told you what it was, you wouldn't even believe me. So watch it, let me know what you think, and make sure you keep an eye out while you're at camp.
2) The Evil Dead
If you haven't seen this film, I am so sad at you (that's what I say when I'm mad at my dog, because I can't be angry but I'm very disappointed). Therefore: go watch this film RIGHT after you read this. I'm serious.
One of the most classic horror films...well, ever...Evil Dead is the story of a group of young adults vacationing at a cabin in the woods. (See above, does anything good ever come of a group of friends at a cabin in the woods?) Everything's going great until someone stumbles across a book made out of skin...
And that book of skin sends a bunch of Deadites after the group, turning them into crazy, creepy zombie/demon versions of themselves.
I'm talking about the original Evil Dead, by the way, loves. There was one made recently that was sort of deemed a "remake", however nothing is more classic than the original.
This one is gory, fun, kind of campy, and all-around magical.
1) Friday the 13th
This classic franchise highlighting our favorite slasher in a hockey mask (Jason Voorhees, of course!) is all about summer camp. Literally. When a group of teenagers attempts to open up an old, closed-down campground known as Camp Crystal Lake with a history of bad water, fires, drowning, and murders, you can only imagine that they're going to see some crazy stuff.
Grossing about $40,000,000 in the US box office at the time of its release, Friday the 13th redefined the fear of summer camp. Introducing a new type of killer in a mask, Jason became one of the most iconic horror characters of all time. I mean, honestly, who DOESN'T know who Jason is?
This is the quintessential summer horror film: slasher stalking a camp full of teenagers. There's so much more to it than that (as I'm sure most of you know) but make this one your next film before you and your friends leave for camp, on the next rainy night this summer...anytime!
So, campers, I hope this list helps you get prepared for the awesome summer ahead. Here's my advice to you: don't drink, don't smoke, don't have sex, don't sleep, don't make friends, don't talk to the new kid, don't take an old car on a road trip, and don't open any new books.
Essentially: pull the blanket over your head, sit at home and watch lots of horror movies. If you're not into that plan, stick with me, and I'll make sure you get through this summer just fine!
Happy camping, my horror fiends! Until next time, I'll be making S'mores and watching all the bloody goodness unfold.