Most of know Dustin Diamond as the mostly lovable goofball Screech from '90s classic Saved By the Bell. If you haven't kept up with Diamond's antics since the show wrapped in 1993 (or 1994 if you watched the College Years), you might be surprised by this story, but it's just another speed bump on the long and winding road to our ruined childhoods.
Before we get into that, let's quickly remind ourselves of happier times when the world was full of neon colors and the students of Bayside High kept their hands to themselves.
Now that that's out of the way, let's get back to Screech's latest run-in with the law.
Back on Christmas Day, Diamond got into an altercation with a couple patrons at a bar in Wisconsin. He and his girlfriend, Amanda Schultz, were supposedly accosted by an intoxicated group, and when Diamond went to close his tab, he turned around and his girlfriend was bleeding. He then took out a knife to start warding off the group and ended up stabbing someone "accidentally."
According to the police report, he was just trying to defend himself and his girlfriend:
Diamond stated that he did not intentionally stab the individual in the bar but that chaos broke out and people were grabbing at him and that he swung his arms to break free.
Though the Wisconsin jury determined that he did not recklessly endanger the public's safety, he was convicted of two misdemeanors including carrying a concealed weapon and behaving in a disorderly manner. As a result, Diamond will get four months in jail for his connection to the stabbing.
I think we all know how Screech would react to this news...
For his part, Diamond did apologize for his actions in this statement to the court in the hearing on Thursday:
I sincerely apologize to everyone involved. This was the single most terrifying experience of my life...This is all I've been able to think about for the last six months.
Contrasting his story, witnesses testified that it was Diamond's girlfriend who pushed a woman at the bar, initiating the entire fight. Whatever the circumstances, the outcome is the same: Dustin Diamond will be heading to jail, and not even the bell can save him now.