By Nico Beland
Movie Review: B- (3 stars)
Newcomer film director, Seth Macfarlane (Ted, A Million Ways to Die in the West), and creator of such hit Fox comedy cartoons as Family Guy, American Dad, and The Cleveland Show returns to his foul-mouthed talking teddy bear roots with his film directing career in the sequel to the 2012 comedy hit, Ted as well as Macfarlane’s movie directional debut. Whether you like his humor or not, pretty much back when Ted first came out in theaters in summer 2012, it was a surprise hit with critics and audiences, with a positive score on Rotten Tomatoes as well as the film making lots of money at the box office…at least until The Amazing Spider-Man and The Dark Knight Rises came out that same summer, but I digress.
Due to the first film’s success, Seth Macfarlane now brings us the sequel, Ted 2, in which he, Mark Wahlberg (The Fighter, Lone Survivor, Transformers: Age of Extinction), Jessica Barth (CSI, Cougar Town, Get Smart), and Giovanni Ribisi (Meadowland, Avatar, Selma) reprise their roles as foul-mouthed, weed smoking, Ted, “Thunder Buddy for Life”, John Bennett, sexy cashier and Ted’s girlfriend, Tami-Lynn, and Donny, that creepy villain from the first movie who once again plans to kidnap Ted.
Where we last left our lazy, drug doing, heroes, we find Ted finally marrying his sexy girlfriend, Tami-Lynn and his childhood best friend and Thunder Buddy for Life, John Bennett trying to get over a recent divorce he had with Lori (Remember Mila Kunis’ character from the first movie?), but Ted keeps pushing John forward and encouraging him to go out there and see some chicks, of course while getting wasted and high with a teddy bear. So for the most part, life is going swell for Ted and Tami-Lynn, who plan to have a baby, but there’s one tiny problem, *sighs* I hate to sound so crude but…Ted’s got no penis!
So after failed attempts to get sperm samples from Tom Brady and Sam Jones (Flash Gordon) John volunteers to give Ted a sample of his sperm for him and Tami-Lynn to have a baby. Unfortunately it all goes downhill when the government claims Ted is not a person due to him being…you know, a teddy bear who magically came to life one Christmas night.
Ted and John hire a beautiful young lawyer named Samantha Leslie Jackson (Amanda Seyfried-Mean Girls, In Time, Les Miserables) AKA Sam L. Jackson who agrees to help Ted prove himself in a court of law that he is human before he becomes “Property”. Meanwhile the evil Ted-fetishing Donny, now working for the evil corporation known as Hasbro (That’s right, the company evil enough to give Transformers testicles and create the Brony fan base) plots to capture Ted after the jury claims Ted to be non-human and bring him to Hasbro so they can manufacture millions of Ted bears for all the kids, he would make his fat son Robert proud.
So it’s a race for civil rights for Ted, John, Samantha, and Tami-Lynn and they better hurry before Ted becomes the next big corporate sellout since Transformers 2.
Overall Ted 2 is pretty much what it sounds like, a sequel to a very crude, vulgar comedy about a talking teddy bear that was made by the same guy who created Family Guy, so if you’re a fan of Seth’s work, Family Guy or otherwise, chances are you’ll probably find something to laugh at in Ted 2, but everyone else should stay the fuck away from it, if you’re not a fan of Seth Macfarlane’s sense of humor, don’t even try, this is not your movie, you’re better off watching a comedy like Spy or Pitch Perfect 2.
I was a tad disappointed that John and Lori broke up especially after all that build up in the first movie, but once Amanda Seyfried took out that bong in her office and could not understand any form of movie references I’m like, she opposites Wahlberg’s character perfectly.
One great thing I can say about Ted 2 is the film gave us more funny moments with the extremely talented and hilarious Patrick Warburton (Family Guy, The Tick, The Venture Bros.) who now has a hot new boyfriend (Michael Dorn-Star Trek: The Next Generation), these two made me laugh so hard beer came out my nose (I saw this at a 21+ theater, by the way!), one of which was during a big climax at the New York Comic Con, which knowing me had me laughing all the way (See Con Recaps!) involving them dressed up as characters that the geek population would know right away.
So like I said, if you liked Ted and Seth Macfarlane, you’ll probably enjoy Ted 2, and if you don’t…suck it.
IT’S SATIRICAL: The Moviewatchin’ Psychopath! Respects Different Opinions And Will Not Judge You By Your Thoughts And Interests!