ByKit Simpson Browne, writer at
Writer-at-large. Bad jokes aplenty. Can be gently prodded on Twitter at @kitsb1
Kit Simpson Browne

(Warning - LARGE SPOILERS for multiple Marvel and DC comics lie below...proceed with caution and such...)

Now, if comics have taught us anything - and they most certainly have - it's that as cool as it might sound to have a parent who's a superhero, in practice, it would pretty monumentally suck.

After all, for every chance you'd get to catch a flight with Superman, or go play darts with Hawkeye, you'd most likely be kidnapped, tortured or otherwise endangered by some of the most terrifying villains of all time. However, bad as those traumatic experiences would be, they'd be nothing compared to the messed up stuff some of Marvel and DC's greatest heroes have pulled on their own kids.

As it turns out:

Superheroes Don't Always Make Great Parents

Not Even These Guys...
Not Even These Guys...

And, just to illustrate that point, here are five of the worst acts of superheroic parenting around.

First up:

1. Cyclops Abandoned His Son...Repeatedly

That's right - that Cyclops. The one who always - always - tries to do the right thing.

Except, of course, for that time he abandoned his wife and kid, to go and hang out with his ex-girlfriend and school friends.

Which, in fairness, since it (way, way later) turned out she was a clone and working with demons, may have been for the best - and yet, since he followed finding his son...

...with letting him get infected by a cyberorganic virus, and sending him to a distant future, that whole abandonment thing was probably more a sign of future parental screw ups to come than a one-time-only error of judgement.

Especially since it didn't really come up in conversation all that much after that - even after he and Jean were magically transported to a future where they (sort of) helped raise the kid. Though, since he ended up growing up to the distinctly dysfunctional Cable, maybe that doesn't speak to highly of their parenting either...


2. Reed Richards Put His Son in a Coma Because He Was a Mutant

Now, Reed Richards has had a whole lot of terrible ideas over the years - and been a pretty consistently terrible husband and father throughout - but arguably his worst plan from a parenting perspective?

Dealing with his on Franklin's immensely powerful mutant abilities by...putting him into a coma.

Now, in fairness, Franklin was incredibly powerful, but that's still kind of like responding to your kid being better at sports than you by breaking both his legs.

Though, that's not exactly the first time Reed was a complete tool...

...just ask The Invisible Woman...

3. Meanwhile, Batman Put His Son in Harm's Way...Constantly

Yup, that's right - Batman too is a terrible father. Not only for the whole 'child labor law-ignoring' thing he has going on with all his child-sidekicks, or the fact that he's basically training child soldiers half the time, though - although neither of them reflect all that well on him.

Instead, it's more to do with the fact that after discovering he had a son - Damian Wayne - he was ultimately totally OK with letting the pre-pubescent boy fight alongside him. I mean, sure, Bats 'died' during that whole period, but that's no excuse for using your small ninja-trained son as a weapon.

Which of course, went about as well as you'd think, with Damian soon dying...and then coming back to life again, only to be once more returned to combat.

Though at least he didn't magically invent the kid, unlike some Avengers...ahem...

4. Scarlet Witch Created Magical Babies, Who Then Stopped Existing

That's right. Back in the day, when Scarlet Witch and The Vision were married (yup, that was a thing), it was something of a shock to discover that she was pregnant, seeing as The Vision isn't actually technically a living thing.

Never fear, biologists - as it turned out (much, much later), The Scarlet Witch had actually just accidentally magically created the children (she had twins) from aspects of an evil super-being named Mephisto's soul.

Which eventually meant that they just kind of...ceased to exist, at which point one of Scarlet Witch's friends pretty much wiped their memories from her mind.

Until, of course, she eventually remembered them, and almost killed...everything alive. Twice.

That, though, was really nothing compared to the king of terrible superheroic parenting...

Wolverine Literally Killed All of His Children

Yup, that's right.

Attacked by an organization called the Red Right Hand, Wolverine was forced to kill each and every member of the group...only to discover that they were all his illegitimate children, who had been carefully brought together for the specific purpose of being killed by their father.

Terrible as that is, though - it wasn't intentional, and it pretty much drove Logan mad for several weeks.

Not too long after, though, Wolverine faced off against his last remaining kid - the distinctly villainous Daken, who - after a long battle - essentially dared his father to kill him, threatening to kill every student of the Xavier Institute if he didn't.

And so Wolverine drowned him.

Which, y'know what, is actually about as bad as it gets. I'm fundamentally sad.

What do you reckon, though?


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