AUDITION. 2001. TARTAN CINEMA. DIRECTED BY MIIKE TAKASHI. STARRING RYO ISHIBASHI, EIHI SHIINA, TETSU KUREMURA, MIYUKI MATSUDA, RENJI ISHIBASHI AND JUN KUNIMURA. REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
Oh boy. This Japanese horror film is not for the faint-hearted. It’s most definitely not for faint-hearted men. It’s a woman-taking-revenge-on-a-man movie that makes FATAL ATTRACTION and its forerunner PLAY MISTY FOR ME look like BARNEY THE DINOSAUR MEETS THE TELETUBBIES. Ah, you know what I mean. Here’s the deal.
Shigeharu Aoyama is a really nice guy. He’s an attractive, hard-working middle-aged widower with a teenage son, an adorable puppy dog and a beautiful home. When he’s been seven years widowed, however, he starts to feel like it’s about time he remarried again. He’s lonely. He needs a little loving. No-one, not even his son, can blame him for that.
So, how does he go about meeting a new woman? Does he ask a trusted friend to set him up with a work colleague? Does he place a personal ad in a newspaper or magazine? Does he go speed-dating? It’s kind of a mixture of all of the above.
With the help of a friend, he holds an audition, an actual audition, for the part of a female lead in a non-existent production. He intends to select a new wife from one of the applicants. Well. It seems unnecessarily and ridiculously convoluted- not to mention limited- a method to me, but whatever floats his boat, haha.
Naturally, he meets a woman at his audition. It wouldn’t be much of a woman-taking-revenge-on-a-man movie if he didn’t. Her name is Asami, she’s twenty-four years old and she’s stunningly beautiful. They hit it off immediately, which makes poor Aoyama the happiest he’s been in a long time.
But Asami is a damaged young woman. Her story is one of horrific abuse by the people in her past. She is broken beyond repair. Broken and psychologically messed-up in a way that bodes ill- really ill- for any man she meets. Even a man who actually treats her right, like Aoyama wants to. After they make love for the first time, Asami shows Aoyama just what happens to the men who cross her path. It ain’t pretty…
I won’t go into details. I don’t want to spoil it for you. Let’s just say, however, that you can expect to see cheese wire being used to cut something that isn’t cheese (yeowwwwwch…!), a bowl of vomit being used for an utterly stomach-churning purpose and a highly unorthodox session of acupuncture taking place. On an unwilling participant. In a scene that surely must come straight from your worst nightmares. And what exactly is tied up in Asami’s sack…? Well, she ain’t no Santa Claus and there ain’t no gifts for good little boys and girls in that there sack. You can take that to the bank.
Like I said, this film is not for the faint-hearted. It’s a brilliant Japanese horror film, however, so if you think you have the stomach for it you should definitely watch it. Make sure you have your dinner first, though. I somehow don’t think you’ll be feeling very hungry afterwards…
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based performance poet, novelist, film blogger, sex blogger and short story writer. She has given more than 200 performances of her comedy sex-and-relationship poems in different venues around Dublin, including The Irish Writers’ Centre, The International Bar, Toners’ Pub (Ireland’s Most Literary Pub), the Ha’penny Inn, Le Dernier Paradis at the Trinity Inn and The Strokestown Poetry Festival.
Her articles, short stories and poems have appeared in The Metro-Herald newspaper, Ireland’s Big Issues magazine, The Irish Daily Star, The Irish Daily Sun and The Boyne Berries literary journal. In August 2014, she won the ONE LOVELY BLOG award for her (lovely!) horror film review blog. She is addicted to buying books and has been known to bring home rain-washed tomes she finds on the street and give them a home.
She is the proud possessor of a pair of unfeasibly large bosoms. They have given her- and the people around her- infinite pleasure over the years. She adores the horror genre in all its forms and will swap you anything you like for Hammer Horror or JAWS memorabilia. She would also be a great person to chat to about the differences between the Director’s Cut and the Theatrical Cut of The Wicker Man. You can contact her at:
1) ‘… BY A WOMAN WALKING HER DOG…’
2) A WRITER’S JOURNEY
3) ANNA MEETS COUNT DRACULA
4) ANOTHER FIFTY REALLY RANDOM HORROR FILM REVIEWS TO DIE FOR…
5) CANCER BALLS
6) CATCH OF THE DAY
7) FIFTY FILTHY-DIRTY SEX-POEMS YOU MUST READ BEFORE I DIE.
8) FIFTY REALLY RANDOM HORROR FILM REVIEWS TO DIE FOR…
9) THE DEVIANTS
10) VISITING DAY
FIFTY REALLY RANDOM FILM REVIEWS YOU CAN DIP INTO LIKE THEY’RE FANCY CHOCOLATES! http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B010L2L0OG?*Version*=1&*entries*=0