ByFluffy Duckerman, writer at
He's a mean motherfuck*r!
Fluffy Duckerman

One major complaint I've always had about the Mario franchise is WHAT'S GOING ON? You haven't really been left with much to go on with these games. You're a hero in a hat named Mario who must rescue Princess Peach after she is kidnapped by Bowser, a dragon turtle.

Let's face it, Super Mario has never really been about the plot. Nintendo was lazy and just through some video game tropes at a wall and figured out what sticked and went with it. Super Mario is all about the fun gameplay to be had but today it's about time we figure out why things are the way they are in Super Mario.

The Theory

Sh*t's getting real
Sh*t's getting real

Princess Peach is actually the ruthless dictator of the Mushroom Kingdom and Bowser is attempting to start a revolution. Woah woah woah, those are some pretty heavy accusations. Can you back this up? Oh yes.

So I'm assuming we can all agree on the fact that Peach is the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom. Since she's a Princess, I'm also going to assume that she is the ruler through a monarch system. That brings up the question, where is the rest of the monarchy?

We never see Peach's parents, in 30 years of being the leader she doesn't have any children. In fact, the only other Princess we ever see is Daisy in Super Mario Land and she hasn't appeared in a single mainstream Mario game since.

I wonder what could possiblly have happened to her...

Maybe we could just assume that Peach has ruled unopposed for 30 years much like Queen Victoria who reigned for over 60 years. Anyway, have we actually seen Peach do anything while ruling? All we've actually seen her doing is sitting on her throne, getting kidnapped and making cake and I think we all know Marie Antionette's famous line "let them eat cake".

A not so happy Mushroom Kingdom
A not so happy Mushroom Kingdom

When we actually look outside Peach's castle, we see an absolute mess. There are loads of gaps in paths, exposed pipes, dangerous wildlife and loads of blocks filled with missing currency. Peach clearly does not care about her people and will let her kingdom fall to shambles while she eats cake. No wonder Bowser kidnaps her so much.

I mean think about it, look at how the social classes are divided in these games. You have Peach living in royalty with all of these toads and Mario and Luigi while you have this gigantic population of creatures that are forced to live on the streets. Have you seen the goombas? They have to be in so much pain.

When you think about it, the creatures in the game never actually attack Mario. All they do is move around and only hurt Mario if he touches them. I would hurt him too if he started touching me while I was struggling with my low income. One of the exceptions are the Hammer Bros, who represent the labour force in construction who are attacking someone who supports a system that is oppressing them.

Come on! Why you no listen to my side?
Come on! Why you no listen to my side?

Put yourself in Bowser's shoes. You have this dictator who is letting the Kingdom fall apart and what is there to do? Well you storm the castle with your army of peasants and you kidnap her so you can execute her. Just like in the French Revolution.

We always root for Mario and the others because they look pretty due to having access to proper hygiene while the rest are ugly after years of living in the filth that Peach had created. We believe we are saving the innocent Princess when in reality we are sustaining a corrupt system while jumping and crushing whatever low life peasant gets in our way.

Nintendo? More like nintendon't! Tell me what you guys think in the comments! You guys have a good day, I'm off!


Latest from our Creators