Captain Roman Moss,
My name is Charles Barr. I'm the leader of a secret, underground organization called Project Seraph. You may have heard of it. We have been working ever since the nuclear blast ten years ago to train men and women to be Earth's Seraphs. We've been preparing them to survive above ground.
Word reached us here at Project Seraph that your last exploration team never returned. I'm terribly sorry about your loss. With all due respect, I believe I have a new team that would be willing to act under your command. I believe they will survive whatever is out there, and in time, can bring Earth back to it's former glory.
Here are the top recruits I've handpicked for a strong, efficient, resourceful team that could save our race.
Chell (From Portal)
Chell is always pushing the limits, going a full one-hundred percent all the time. Her mind is dagger sharp; she could solve any puzzle thrown before her. She'll be an excellent team member when it comes to solving problems and working through very sticky situations. She's more than equipped for battling robots (we suspect there are many above ground) and she's tough. She can fall from great heights and survive. She doesn't talk much, but our next recruit would make up for Chell's lack of conversation.
You have the brains and resourcefulness of Chell, but the team needs some survival instincts. That's where Bugs Bunny comes in. He literally cannot die. We've put him through every single test, every single simulation, and every single field operation. He's the best of our best. He talks literally non-stop, so he'll keep the team's spirits up. He's very quick and over-the-top amazing at surviving. He can convince pretty much anyone to do anything, so if they need negotiating then Bugs Bunny will be there. He's not much of a leader, but our next recruit will cover that.
Indiana Jones came to us shortly after the nuclear blast. He claims he survived in a refrigerator. He's much older than our other recruits, but we put him through the tests anyways. He passed them with flying colors. He's the whole package. He can solve about any puzzle or problem. He's got a nasty whip and punch; in fact, he bloodied up a few of our other top recruits! He's quite humorous too. He'd be able to keep the team's spirits high. Lastly, his knowledge of history and biology are more than excellent; when it comes to planting and growing food, he's perfect for the job.
I believe with these recruits as Earth's Seraphs, we will see the planet's glory return. There is still hope for the human race. Time is running out; our resources are running low. Please consider this offer and respond as quickly as possible; this could be Earth's last chance to stand back up.