Since I was a boy there was barely a day went by that I didn't have a thought about Jurassic Park or dinosaurs or something somehow related to the 1993 blockbuster hit of the same name. It was ground breaking, I was only 8 years old and I remember not being able to go to the cinema to see it on the same day my older siblings got the privilege of witnessing it. They came home that night and shared the story with me like it was a sheer barbaric horror movie with rampaging dinosaurs devouring everyone in their path and there was nothing I could do about it.
I later in life got to see Jurassic Park and everything I had pictured in my head from my older brother and sister's horror stories was somewhat quashed but not in a way that was at all bad though because even though it hadn't compared to what my sick little mind had imagined (and I've grown into such a well rounded individual) I still knew that this movie was the beginning of something special, in a way most movies had played some pivotal role in my life. I knew that from this point on movies were going to be ten thousand times bigger than they ever had been before and I Was excited for that.
Fast forward to 2015 and I'm a 30 year old with a 9 year old son, his name is Ben Jammin' and he stays with his mother. Don't worry there's no sob story here, we are still great friends and I have no troubles getting to see my boy, which makes me one of the lucky ones. From a young age my boy was always quite geeky and has continued to be for everyday since. We talk movies, we talk games, we talk DLC's, we talk online MMORPG's and then we talk more movies. This is one of those conversations which I have in video form at the top of the review and which I have also transcribed below, just in case you can't be bothered listening to our terrible posh Scottish accents. So here it is ladies and gentlemen, an interview with my 9 year old about Jurassic World. (Video and transcript below)
Jurassic World Review with my 9 Year Old Son, Ben:
Davey: Bold Print
1. Jurassic World has broken all kinds of records since it's release, we all went to see it in the cinema and I'm curious, as a 9 year old boy, what did you think of it?
10/10? Straight away? I'm gonna kind of agree but I might not give it a 10/10 but what's your reasons for loving this movie so much?
Ben: Cos I love..... Uhhh.....
Big ass dinosaurs? Just eating people up!
*Ben hits me in the face* (Probably for swearing in front of him)
AAHH Don't hit me!
2. Did you think that the storyline was well written? As in did you like the idea that the park was up and running? Remember Jurassic Park? It wasn't up and running yet but it's Jurassic World now it's up and running and it 's open, would you go?
B: Yeah, I want to see Rexxy.
I'd love to see Rexxy, how much money would you pay to get into Jurassic World?
B: I don't knooow, *shrugs nervously as if he's some kind of 9 year old who doesn't understand the concept of money*
Like a billion pound?
B: Well, if it's wasting that money then NO WAY!
Well, that is a bit much!
3. Did you enjoy the fact they had to make a genetically engineered new dinosaur rather than using one that already did exist?
B: I'd like it if they just kept the normal dinosaurs because I thought the normal dinosaurs were sort of cooler.
Would it have worked though if Rexxy for example was the bad dinosaur?
B: No that wouldn't work, I would hate that!
So then you would hate Rexxy so you need a bad dinosaur, what about the spinosaurus from Jurassic Park III?
*He ponders this idea* B: Why'd they never put the spinosaurus in that?
Uhhh Well, it was just a terrible idea to be genuinely honest. It was just a bad dino.
B: The spinosaurus was in the game but it's not in the movie. On Xbox one and PS4
I didn't even know there was a game, I think they done scientific research and found out that spinosaurus wasn't as big and scary as they thought it was to begin with so they had to go bigger and scarier.
4. What did you think about the velociraptors, they were trained?
B: I didn't really see the point in that because there was no use for them as soon as they set out there was no point of them, the Indominous takes over.
They got a new alpha, that's right.
B: Then they all got killed at the end so.....
Pointless Raptors.... But they were pretty cool. I quite liked them. Do remember their names?
B: I think it was Echo, Delta, Nova and Blue.
Chris Pratt was the Alpha so it was A,B,C,D and E. So it was Blue, Charlie, Delta and Echo.
B: I think there was one called Nova as well.
Well I think you're just telling lies now!
5. There was another story with two young boys who got trapped in Jurassic World, while the Indominous was "indominating", do you think you could have survived Jurassic World?
B: Ehhhhmmmmmmm........ Yes!
You think you could have survived it? Right, explain, do you have any survival skills? Can you run fast?
B: Hmmm.... I suppose so.
You suppose so, We gonna test it? The T-rex from I remember was....
B: Very slow and attracted by flares.
She wasn't slow, (The T-Rex was a girl) The T-Rex could clock up to 30mph. Do you think you could run faster than 30mph?
B: No.... But it would be pretty easy to climb a tree and escape it though.
She's still pretty big. She could probably knock a tree down.
B: A very old tree it couldn't .
6. If you were in Jurassic World, remember the gate was open and the boys went through the gate, would you have went through the gate or would you have followed the rules and went back when you were told?
RULES ALL THE WAY! Safety First. *We fist bump over safety*
B: What?.. Safety First!
Safety first, I completely agree with you.
7. The Indominous Rex (What are we calling the indominous rex? Dommy?) was pretty big but what did you think of the idea of the dinosaur being super smart and able to talk to other dinosaurs?
B: That was a little weird a dinosaur talking to other dinosaurs.
They've got to communicate, like a dog kinda knows what another dog is saying but not like a dog can interview another dog about a film. I thought it was strange that the Indominous was kept by itself the whole time when it meets other dinosaurs, how does it know how to talk to them?
B: It's highly intelligent.
It's highly intelligent I get that, we could all be highly intelligent but if we've never met another human then how are we meant to talk to human beings? It was a bit of a flawed storyline I thought to be honest.
B: I guess it just learned by instinct.
We'll give it that because it was part raptor so it knew through instinct how to talk to the other raptors, which then made the raptors pointless as you pointed out earlier on.
6. After the Indominous escapes a lot of other dinosaurs got loose to, the pteranydons started nabbing people, the raptors were switching sides and the T-Rex wanted to show who was boss but what was your favourite dinosaur attack in the movie? And we did talk about this before I got to see it because you saw it before me and there was one attack that you spoke about to me that really stood out to you, do you remember what one it was?
*Ben seems to get uncomfortable with answering this question as he gets flashbacks of the horrific death we're about to discuss*
B: Was it the one with the lady? Oooohhh that was violent, she was half drowned, half pecked to death and half.... Fully eaten to death.
So that's half drowned, half pecked to death and FULLY eaten to death, well if you're gonna go that's the way to go. She's also the first woman to die in a Jurassic movie and she died in the most horrific way so I think it's safe to say that the director just doesn't like women.
*We share a completely chauvinistic chuckle because we're men!*
*A wild cat appears*
7. If you had a trained velociraptor what would it be called and what would you make it do for you?
B: I think I would train it to get me to school faster and anyone that tries to fight me... *does scratching motion* and it would eat them.
Have you picked a name?
B: I think I would call it....... I have no idea.
I don't have a name either but I like your idea, I'd ride my velociraptor to work and I think I would train it to go to the shops and get me beer.
B: I think having a pet T-Rex would be better.
But you'd make it a lot of mess because a T-Rex is quite big. Think of the poop, you'd be cleaning up so much poop. You've got a dog....
B: It can clean up it's own poop, it's a T-Rex.
It can't it's only got tiny hands! HE CAN'T PICK UP A POOP!
B: It can eat it though.
So you'd have a T-Rex that you've trained to eat it's own poop so you don't have to tidy it up!
B: No but it could do that, like a dog.
B: Dog's do that.
Right ok, dogs eat their own poop.
B: Dogs eat all sorts of things.
And imagine what a T-Rex would eat.
B: Yeah, It would eat a car.
It would eat a car, it attacked a car in the first one.
8. Do you remember much about the first Jurassic Park?
B: All I remember is the scene when Rexxy bursts out of her cage and she crushes the top of the car and the girl is still stuck in the car. I think anyway.
That is pretty much the most important scene in the movie anyway.
Do you remember much of the second one?
B: I can remember when it's chasing them when they have the baby and that is all I can remember and I remember when it's in the backgarden.
The little girls sees it? And it eats the dog.
B: Was that not a little boy?
I might be confusing this with transformers.......
*There's a confusing back and forward for a while about the T-Rex eating a boys fish tank but we realise this never happened*
Do you remember the 3rd one? That's the one with the spinosaurus in it?
B: I remember nothing from the third one.
Probably for the better.
Jurassic Park I, Jurassic Park II, Jurassic Park III or Jurassic World?
I'm older than you, so I kick it old skool so I'm going to say Jurassic Park, then Jurassic World then II then III, three was the worst. Definitely.
B: *GAAAASSSSPPPPP* You are... you're..... Why would you say that?
Cos I'm younger than you. *I immediately realise my mistake but still get laughed at* SHUT UP! I meant I'm older than you and you're younger than me.
B: What age are you right now?
Like a billion, I'm like the age of Rexxy.
B: I'm like 2 billion and Rexxy is only 30!
That's the age I am! I'm 30 years old. My point is I loved the original movie when Rexxy was there for the first time and that's the movie I went to see when I was your age and now I'm all grown up and Jurassic World has came out and who knows when you're 30 you might have a son and there could be another Jurassic World coming out.
B: Ummmmm.... I don't think so
(I'm not sure if this is lack of faith is in the future of the Jurassic series or his own plans for procreation)
9. The way the movie ends with a big showdown Dino vs. Dino, I-Rex vs. T-Rex, who were you wanting to win? Dommy or Rexxy?
B: Rexxy, Rexxy is the best she always ends in all the movies.
First movie and the last movie, it was a very traditional ending and I liked what they done with it. Who really won the fight?
I know Rexxy survived the fight but who finished the fight really?
*He takes a few guesses before the penny drops that we're talking about the Mosasaurus* Really it's a question of who do you like better? Rexxy or Mossysysrys? Muzzazaz.... We'll just call him Moe.
B: Mosasurus, I would say Rexxy.
So we've got Rexxy, Dom and Moe and Moe is better than Rexxy but Rexxy is better than Dom but what about Blue?
B: I liked Blue he was cute
I liked Blue, when he was going to attack (Chris Pratt) and didn't and he was all like "YOU MY BOY BLUE!"
One more for you, I told this wasn't going to be hard didn't I? Have you had fun with this?
B: Yeah (By this point he's yawning he face off and can't wait for it to end so I try to wrap it up before he falls off his seat)
10. If you were to rate this movie out of 10, What would you rate this movie??
(He takes his time and really ponders his first score as a reviewer, I can see in his eyes that one day he will look back on this moment and write about it in some kind of blog form and he will use the words "that movie played a pivotal role in my life") 9/10!
9? It went down a notch from when we started. Do you think you've learned something about the movie? What was it? Was it that the raptors were pointless?
B: I thought the ending would be better, the ending fight, I thought that would be much much better.
Have you saw Pacific Rim?
Have you saw Godzilla, the new one?
Would you say Jurassic World was better than Pacific Rim or Godzilla?
So it's better than both of them?
So if you're looking for a good big giant dino fighting movie, what's the movie to go see?
B: *He stretches as a huge yawn escapes him and under that yawn is the words* "Jurassic World!"
Jurassic World, that's a nice big yawn there and on that sleepy note.
I'm Davey Jay
This is my son Ben
This was our obligatory, Jurassic World, Father Son Review.
Thanks for watching.
(or if you actually read this instead of watching the video like a numpty.... Thanks for reading..... But seriously, the video was like right there!)