ByHeather Snowden, writer at
Lover of bad puns, nostalgic feels and all things Winona. Email: [email protected] Tweet: @heathbetweetin
Heather Snowden

To get your adrenaline pumping for all the wrong reasons, this is a list of our top nine hilarious horror porn parodies that will (hopefully) make you more hysterical than horny.

1. The Human Sexipede

Riffing off: The Human Centipede

Like most "movies" on this list, the plot here is pretty self-explanatory if you've seen the original. The Human Sexipede sees two ladies arriving in Europe on a mission to continue their global bang fest. On answering an ad from some deranged pervert in a lab coat, they end up in his "lower quarters" cuffed next to an Asian dude with a screaming fetish and a bad case of blue balls. Referring to himself as a "mad sexual educator," the "scientist" waves questionable tools such as spanners and glue guns at their nether regions until they're connected, vaginas-to-face, in a lovely, interlinking, 69.

2. Day Of The Living MILF

Riffing off: Day of the Living Dead

An ambulance carrying a cooler full of bubbling sperm crashes, sending the samples flying. The test tubes land on a burial ground and are promptly snatched up by its inhabitants — a bunch of monstrous zombie MILFs who're brought back from the dead on a hunt for "more cocks."

Simple, yet very effective.

3. Edward Penishands

Riffing off: Edward Scissorhands

This modification of Tim Burton's classic sees the titular Edward tackling bushes of a different kind, for this mutant is cursed not with scissors for mitts, but dicks. When a door-to-door dildo saleswoman discovers the peen-handed fellow, she brings him home to the family in order to take full advantage of his, um, advantages.

4. A Wet Dream On Elm Street

'" Wet Dream On Elm Street" [Credit: Tom Byron Pictures]
'" Wet Dream On Elm Street" [Credit: Tom Byron Pictures]

Riffing off: A Nightmare on Elm Street

Another iconic character with knobs for fingers, in A Wet Dream on Elm Street Freddie Kruger's vibrating sex mitten seduces his victims into "pleasure comas" and then attacks them as they sleep.

This classic slasher apparently has seven parodies, which is too many to list here but my personal favorite titles are: A Nightmare on Dyke Street, A Nightmare on Twink Street, and A Nightmare on Wang Street.

5. The Whores Have Eyes

Riffing off: The Hills Have Eyes

A family of five are stranded in the desert and fall victim to an alien mutated race of "hungry whores" dressed in '80s punk gear. Giving into their smutty cravings is the only way to keep them at bay.

Personally, I think a porn parody entitled The Whores Don't Have Eyes would've been more effective, but maybe that's just me.

6. The Texas Vibrator Massacre

Riffing off: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

Leatherface with a chainsaw-vibrator hybrid. This one is allllll kinds of messed up. For example, when one dude climaxes, his sister hacks one of his arms off with a hatchet, gnaws on the severed limb, and then taunts him as he dies.


7. The XXXorcist

Riffing off: The Exorcist

Ever wanted to see two girls chuck up green gunk into each other's mouths? Yeah? Then this is the one for you. To summarize: Possessed girl has the living hell humped out of her in the most ridiculous exorcism sequence you've ever seen.

P.S. The priest is called Father Merkin.

8. Re-Penetrator

 "Re-Penetrator" [Credit: Burning Angels]
"Re-Penetrator" [Credit: Burning Angels]

Riffing off: Re-Animator

Re-Animator's Herbert West becomes Dr. Hubert Breast in this particular porn parody. Bloody boners galore and a severed-head-giving-head scene. Ooof. Steamy.

9. Evil Head

Riffing off: Evil Dead

On walking in on her boyfriend having a threesome with two friends, devastated Shelly goes into a forest and is violated by a load of possessed trees. On her return to their isolated cabin, she stabs her friend with a piece of bark she pulls out of her vagina and then rips her boyfriend's testicles out. Talk about birchy behavior, eh?


Have you watched any of these horror porn parodies?


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