BySafe Hans, writer at
You're in Safe Hans
Safe Hans

Comic fans around the world rejoiced upon receiving the news late last year that Deadpool would finally be getting his very own full length , big screen adaption coming in the spring of 2016 , but some skeptical fans raised concerns over the films rating . Many feared that anything other than a R rating would water down the character and jeopardize the entire movie , but much more alarming concerns were raised after last weekends Comic-Con.

Those in attendance at the Deadpool cast's Q and A session were treated to an early screening of the film's trailer. What they expected was a humorous, blood and gut soaked, ultra-violent taste of what's to come but what they received would shock them to their very core. No fan footage was recorded of the event as most fans were either still in shock or sobbing uncontrollably into there hand stitched costumes that they spent the other 362 days of the year painstakingly sewing in their mom's basement in anticipation for the event , but Hans Honest News was able to obtain an exclusive interview from one disgruntled fan at the event who promised to divulge all the gruesome details under condition of anonymity. Us at Hans Honest News want to inspire as much confidence in our readers and contributors as possible so we will simply refer to this mystery individual as R.Reynolds.

Mr R.Reynolds told one of our reporters :

"After what we did to the character in X-men: Origins.....I... I can't believe I agreed to do this again, sure the bags of money they were throwing at me might have swayed my decision, but what good is all that money when I'll have to spend it on private security to protect me from fat, balding, acne ridding, 40 something year old man-children?..... What have I done , what have I done! ....."

Our anonymous source then proceeded to pull a handgun , before turning it on himself and shooting himself in the head . Before his untimely demise he had managed to reveal to Hans Honest News the following exclusive information

  • Deadpool's name has been changed to "Deadprivatepool" in an effort to make the character appear more upperclass , Wade Wilson has also been changed to Slade Wilson in an apparent admission that he is a brazen rip off of the DC villian.
  • Likewise Negasonic Teenage Warhead's name has been altered to Taylor Swift and will be portrayed by singer and actress Hilary Duff in an effort to appeal to the teenage girl demographic most comic book movies fail to resonate with.
  • Instead of his trademark's katana's , Deadpool believing the pen to be mightier than the sword, will instead be sporting duel-wielded ballpoint pens , putting his trademark acidic sense of humor into his literary works as well as his thesis on the human condition and online articles that he posts regularly on
  • He will remain mask less for the majority of the movie and his scar's will be merely emotional in this adaptation because director Tim Miller felt it was a crime to cover over Ryan Reynolds beautiful face and statuesque bone structure.
  • Deadpool will no longer be chowing down on chimichangas but rather tofu , wholegrain bread and wheat grass extract in order to promote a healthy diet and lifestyle choice to young children in attendance.
  • Having been a fan of Reynolds other super hero escapade , "The Green Lantern" the director chose to have every single piece of fabric digitally animated and super imposed on the actors body's , unconfirmed reports also suggest that Deadpool's suit will also incorporate bat nipples.

Hans Honest News was able to catch up with director Tim Miller and quizzed him on the recent leaks and the apparent sky rocketing suicide rate of those who had attended the showing of the trailer to which Miller seemed oblivious of , simply replying :

"My only regret is that it could not of been a continuation of the version from X-men : Origins , what a fantastic movie that was huh!"

In other unrelated news Hollywood star Ryan Reynolds has passed away from an apparent gun shot wound to the head .


Latest from our Creators