ByMichael Onstott, writer at
Writing is a passion of mine and I hope my writing makes your day a little better.
Michael Onstott

Hi. This story is a parody but I wrote this as a story that I think some people would enjoy because people who don't exactly know Batman story lines and always wonder about this kind of thing. Remember, it is just my take on this subject and this Batman is different from any other Batman you know, in a less dark kind of way. Characters' names are changed because I am not trying to get sued. If you have any questions about any of the characters' names or anything, please ask. Please enjoy.

He walked in and quietly closed the door behind him. He tiptoed to the stairs when a lamp came on.

“Where are you coming from, baby bird?” a man asked from a chair by the nightstand.

“Dang!” he said under his breath. “You know, if you weren’t waiting for people in the dark, you might find a nice girl who isn’t a criminal.” He walked over to the man.

“Gray, my love life is none of your concern. Besides, I asked you a question.”

“If we see them during work, then it is our concern. Especially if you’re going to be f-”

“Gray.” the man said assertively.

“Fine, Bryce. I was at a party and things got a little crazy. There was a keg and I kind of had a turn with it … and then I saw this girl and … we went back to her place.” Gray said hesitantly.

“Gray, do you really expect me to believe that?”

“No, Bryce.” sighed Gray.

“What were you really doing out so late?”

“Look, you were out fighting Questionnaire and then Commissioner Ramsey called. Deadly Golf-Swing was robbing a bank and they needed someone to help out. Bat-Lady was out on a date again and I was here with nothing else to do. So I took the call and handled him. He wasn’t much trouble, I have no (serious) injuries, and I saw him go into lockup, processed, and put in a cell.”

“Good.” Bryce paused for a moment. “Brenda alright?” he asked, sounding concerned.

“She’s 18, Bryce. She can make her own decisions and she can handle herself if need be. You trained her well. You trained us well.” Gray out his hand on Bryce’s shoulder.

“Clearly not well enough. I placed a tracking device on you earlier, just in case. I know you stopped by Zarana’s house briefly.”

“Damn it. It’s not like we were doing what you think we were doing.”

“I hope not. I said you were there briefly.”

“Hey! Come on, Bryce! Give me more credit than that.”

“I may not be able to help you in that department, but I can help you figure out if someone placed a tracking device on you.”


“The way you’re going, you need all the training you can get.”

“If you’re saying you’re going to help me train more, (as if that was humanly possible), then sure. Let’s go.”

The next morning, Brenda joined Bryce and Gray for breakfast.

“You were out late last night.” Bryce said to Brenda without looking up from his paper.

“Yeah, well, when I study, I lose track of time.” she said sitting down.

“Studying? When did studying become 2 people –” began Gray.

“Gray, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Nothing happened. We studied, talked, and then he drove me home to my dad’s. That was it.”

“Then how did you end up here, Brenda? Your father’s house is more than 10 miles from here.” said Bryce.

“Really, Bryce? I run 10 miles every day before breakfast. It just had to count for this morning. Dad had a little trouble letting me come here though. He always does.” she half-smiles.

“How did you get him to agree to let you come here walking, by yourself, to a known billionaire playboy’s mansion at midnight?”

“Same way I always do: I ask him if I’m pregnant, he says no, and I say that’s how you know nothing is going on.”

“But what about any birth control?” asks Gray.

“He never gives me cash so I can’t buy any even if I wanted to. Besides, he knows I like to buy things myself.”

“What if a friend gives you something or you happen to come across a form of it?”

“I have a special … that my dad has the only key to just in case.”

“Your father is a smart man. Tell him I said he raised a good one.” Bryce said.

“I will. But he wasn’t the only one who raised me, you know.”

Bryce looked up from his paper and looked at both of them. He remembered how he took them under his wing at young ages. He knows the dangers they’ve faced, the ones they face now, and that whatever comes next …, will be deadly.

Later that night, Bryce was below the mansion in the mansion’s cave, and he went into deep thought about something. Somehow, the day felt different to him. Perhaps it was the fact that it was the anniversary of his parent’s death, maybe it was the kind of things that his young heroes were saying to him … or both. He started thinking about starting a family himself but he thought of the downsides that are always in his mind whenever he or someone else has raised the subject. He thinks about the possibility of someone finding out his secret identity and then they would know where the children and his wife are, and the multiple scenarios that arise from that thought are enough to make him decide against it.

Everything he owns, everything he has, everything he is and not one of his own can he share it with. Losing his parents forced him to grow up to soon but he has the stability, the capacity, but not the time to start a family. His family has been his butler, Freddy Nikelvalue, the little orphan he took in, Gray Dickson, when his parents died while being shot from a canon, and the young lady, Brenda Gordon, (whose father is a friend and the commissioner) he apprentices. The young superheroes are probably going to follow in his footsteps, despite what he tells them. Still, he wants to raise someone who will make their own choices. He is trying to clean up the streets of Getthem so they will be able to make their own choices and, hopefully, he will be alive to see them make those choices.

“Sir. Sir? SIR? Ahem.” Freddy tried to get Bryce’s attention.

“Yes, Freddy. Have you heard anything on the police scanner?” Bryce said after coming to.

“Just the usual break-ins, trespassing, and car thefts. Although, one thought she saw King Jester down by the docks. Probably nothing, but I felt it was worth mentioning.”

“What does King Jester need that was down by the docks?”

“Who knows what that madman is up to, sir? He does something with no logical reason at all.”

“King Jester wants to cause pain all the time, but there’s not really anyone on the docks at this time. So if he’s not there to harm someone, he must be going somewhere.”

“Quite possible, sir. Shall I wake the young ones?” Freddy gestured to the stairs.

“No need, Freddy. If King Jester is there, he could hurt them, or worse. Besides, I don’t want to bother them if it turns out to be some kid looking to cause trouble. King Jester got one girl to fall into his trap, who knows if he got another poor victim.”

“Very good, sir. I’ll prepare the “boat”.”

“Is that what you call it, Freddy? You know it has a name. Well, 2 names, actually.” Bryce looks down.

“With all due respect, sir, their names will be right after yours when I breathe my dying breath, no doubt it will be because of you.” Bryce is concerned and looks at Freddy’s stoic face and sees it gradually changes to a happy one with a playful grin. “And I will die with this smile on my face for I will have gone out a way no other butler could possibly die.”

“After all these years, you still think of yourself as a butler? You should know by now how I feel about you, Freddy. After they … prematurely left this life, you became more than a butler, more than a friend, you became … –” Bryce started.

“There’s no need to say anything, Master Bryce. I know it all. If that is all, sir, I will prepare … your water vessel for tonight’s’ journey.”

“Thank you, Freddy.”

“Think nothing of it, Master Bryce.” Freddy turns and leaves to get the boat prepared. Bryce thought even more now about how everyone seemed to be telling him pretty heavy emotional things. He felt something was coming to a climax or to an end.

“This heavy feeling I cannot shake, from this weird dream I cannot wake.” Bryce whispered to himself. He stood for a second and thought more about the strange feeling but could not get very far. As he finally decided that there was nothing to the strange feeling other than the fact that it was the anniversary of his parent’s deaths, he felt a little weight being lifted off his shoulders.

Freddy had the boat ready to go. Bryce suited up and he became the amazing crime-fighter, Bat-Gent. He jumped in the boat and sped off towards the spot where King Jester was supposedly last seen. He reached the docks and after a few minutes of lurking in the shadows, he saw King Jester getting in a speed boat and headed for the Little Island that was far off the coast of Getthem.

Little Island was an abandoned prison that is always up for demolition, but never actually gets demolished. Little Island is a neutral territory for every criminal in Getthem and one of the villains usually pays off some official to make sure the vote either doesn’t happen, gets pushed back, or ends up in favor of keeping the building until the next vote. It’s far away enough from Getthem that it doesn’t affect anything or anyone on the mainland, but close enough to still actually be considered a part of Getthem. A trip for anyone without a motor boat, but definitely not a trip for someone such as himself.

He stays on King Jester’s tail and follows him to the far side of the island. Jester gets out and looks around. He turns to the entrance and he walks inside, telling two henchmen to come and get the stuff he had from the boat. When they walk out into the dimly lit lights by the entrance, Bat-Gent sees that the henchmen aren’t King Jester’s, but they are actually Split Man’s henchmen. Bat-Gent watches them for a few minutes and then he made his move.

He glides over and hides in the shadows. He takes one out and then he sets a trap for the other one. He puts the knocked out henchman by the trap and waits for the other to set it off. The henchman sees his friend, runs over to him, and is sent flying up into the air, dangling by his feet. Bat-Gent jumps down from his perch and walks slowly up behind him. He spins the henchman around and punches him square in the jaw.

“What’s Jester up to?” Bat-Gent asks.

“Please! I-I-I know nothing. The higher ups never told me nothing. Th-They never told any of us nothing.”

“What are you doing with Jester if you’re with Split Man?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know? You’ll get nothing more from me, you two-bit hack!”

“Such a shame. When you had the chance to say something you didn’t. Now you won’t be able to.”

“What do you mean “won’t be able t –””

He knocked him out with a punch to the nose and a cool ninja move. He cut him down and walked into the prison. Very few lights were still on and were far between. He walked through one and saw the remains of what looked like to be an incident involving Wolfsruin. He walked through the darkness into the next light and sees the indents from the time he fought Solemn Zombie. He walked through the darkness into the next light and he sees a television with a picture of rabbit ears on top in an old cell. He walks over to it and the television turned on. At first it was static, and then King Jester comes on the screen.

“Hello, old friend of mine! I feel like we haven’t talked in … 2 weeks, 3 days, 17 hours, 36 minutes, and 45 seconds. You know how I LOVE our time together, Bat-Gent. It makes me feel fuzzy and warm all over. Tell me, did the people survive the Jester Gas I sent them in their desserts? I SO hope they did! That way they would have been alive for … well, you know what happened after that.

I suppose you’re wondering why I’m inside Little Island Prison. To be honest, me too. Usually I work only with Hayley, but for an opportunity like this, it was too good to pass up. A chance to cause rampant destruction … gives me chills just thinking about it. You’ll see soon enough what’s in store for Getthem. And if you’re anything like me, you’re gonna love it! I really should be getting back to the project. The devil’s in the details, you know. Believe me … I know I am.

Oh! One more thing! Wolfsruin will be right with you.”

At that moment, from the dark someone throws something at Bat-Gent. He jumps and dodges it, and then King Jester keeps talking.

“Or was it Zombie? You know, I can’t remember who it is for the sake of … your life. Ta-Ta for now, Bat-Gent!”

Again someone from the dark threw a cell door at Bat-Gent. He dodges that, but then someone grabs him. A light suddenly comes on above him and he can see that Solemn Zombie is holding him. He turns Bat-Gent around.

“Say hello to Bat-Gent, everyone.” Zombie says.

“Hello, Battered-Gent.” Wolfsruin let out a yell and punched Bat-Gent in the face. Then Zombie turned around again and Chill Man was standing there.

“Hello, Bat-Sickle.” Chill Man took out his chill ray and froze Bat-Gent from the waist down. Then he froze his hands and they fell at his sides. Then a voice called out, “Hiya, Bat-Brain.”

He looked up and saw Hayley Q. Inn standing with a baseball bat on a lighting fixture.

“Miss me?” Hayley jumped from the light and was about to strike Bat-Gent when he started moving his arms. That was when another voice started talking to him.

“Uh-uh, old friend.” It was King Jester. He placed a black bag over his head and said, “Nighty-Night, sweet dreams.” he whispered. Then Hayley got to the ground and yelled, “Batter up!” and she struck Bat-Gent in the head, knocking him out.

When Bat-Gent woke up, he heard many voices arguing. Many familiar voices.

“I want to … under the cowl. Or if it’s a what.” one voice said.

“No. I’d rather not … like the thrill of not knowing. Giving away secrets is like … prefer us all to … secret.”

“I know who’s under there. I just prefer not to tell. And don’t bother trying to make me, I won’t.” That voice he recognized. It was the daughter of Raj Allen-Gould, Tamara Gould.

“Just so you all know, I also know who is under that cowl. Believe me, you wouldn’t really be THAT surprised.” He knew that voice, too. It was Feline Lady.

“Please, just tell me the first name, the first initial, anything.” Now he recognized the first voice he heard. It was Questionnaire.

“Lalalalala, I’m not listening! I can’t hear you!” That second voice, he knew that voice all too well: It was King Jester.

“Ooh! It looks like Sleeping Beauty is finally awake!” said Questionnaire.

“Oh, goody! Now we can explain everything to him before he tries to escape! However, I don’t know how he can escape a steel … “bat cage”, suspended above a pool with Agitated Alligator below him.” said King Jester.

“Hey, Bat-Bait! I can’t wait to bite you in half and feed on your delectable insides! Hahaha!” Agitated Alligator exclaimed.

“Oh, behave yourself Alligator! Maybe you’ll get seconds when anyone who isn’t in bits when the night is through, you can feast on them.” King Jester teased.

“Spill it, Jester. What are you planning?” Bat-Gent asked angrily.

“Well, to be honest, this wasn’t exactly my idea. I admit I wish it was my idea, but I MUST give credit where credit is due. Questionnaire came up with the idea. He approached the rest of us and we all came on board. With the citizens out of the picture, we could run the town like we want to run it. And believe you me, things are about to get very, very dark.”

“Yes, when everyone else is dead, we all get a piece of the city. We’ll have the event happen first, and then we get the delightful, long awaited, and long deserved opportunity to decide who gets where.” said Questionnaire.

“Nothing you plan will get by Commissioner Gordon. And if it does, Bat-Lady and Bat-Boy will be able to stop you. You will all fail!” Bat-Gent stated.

“Now, that’s where you’re wrong, Goody-Two-Shoes. We’ve already won! You see, our plan went into effect last night, while you were fighting me. A truck carrying our new, decidedly ordinary weapon spells destruction for the quaint citizens of Getthem. It was delivered to First Getthem Bank where Deadly Golf-Swing was waiting for it. To throw everyone off the trail, we had him pretend to be breaking into the bank. He went to jail, temporarily, and his henchmen brought us the package. The rest WILL BE HISTORY!” Questionnaire explained.

“What package?” asked Bat-Gent.

“I’m so glad you asked. Show him, Questionnaire!” King Jester said.

“Take a look at the screen, Bat-Breath! Take one last look at your precious city! For in a mere few minutes, it will be nothing more than a pile of rubble. In the ashes, we will rise like a phoenix and Getthem will be a pillar of despair, crime, and villainy!”

“A dirty bomb!?!? You said decidedly ordinary, but this is definitely ordinary given all of your abilities.” As Bat-Gent was saying this, he hit a button and an alarm in the Mansion Cave. Freddy heard the alarm and knew what to do. He got the young ones and took them to a safe place in the cave that would protect them from 54 H-bombs.

“Up yours, Bat-Gent! This will get the job done and there’s nothing you can do to stop it!” Split Man taunted.

“Gentlemen, start the timer!” Questionnaire gave the order to his henchmen over a walkie-talkie.

“Yes, sir!” replied his goon.

Just as he was about to set the timer, someone stopped him. A masked figure pulled the goon backwards and then he stepped out from something that looked like a portal. He wore a blue suit like Bat-Gent’s, and he had a mask that looks like a bear. The other henchmen were shocked at first. Then the masked figure gave the “Come On” gesture and they all grabbed weapons and some started firing, others ran towards him ready to take him out.

He disappeared into a portal and reappeared in front of the camera and placed a sign in front of it. The sign said, “Sorry for the technical difficulties, but I am kicking ass right now and can’t fix it. Thanks for reading.” It also showed a picture of a bear halfway in a portal and the lower half in another portal kicking a bad guy in the rear. You could hear the sounds of people getting hit, trying to hit the masked figure, the portal whooshing. Questionnaire tried to get someone on the walkie-talkie.

“Somebody, answer me! Somebody! Anybody!” Questionnaire tried.

“Boss! We’re trying to … fight him but … no luck … He’s gonna … Oh, no! No! … No! Don’t …!”

“Well, I guess if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself!” Questionnaire said in anger. He went over to his computer and started typing things in. He hit “Enter” and the timer on the bomb started counting down from 1 minute.

“Let’s see how that bear idiot deals with a 1 minute bomb.” said Questionnaire.

Suddenly, a portal opened up behind each villain. The portals were sucking them all in one-by-one. The last one holding on was Wolfsruin. He was holding on to a cement column and the masked figure appeared in front of him. He wasn’t struggling to fight the air from the portal; He was just standing there. He lifted his foot and kicked Wolfsruin in the face while he was pleading for him not to do it. Wolfsruin was sent into the portal, screaming, and the portal closed.

The masked figure went into another portal that ended in the cage Bat-Gent was in. He opened another portal and told Bat-Gent to jump into the portal and it would lead him to a rooftop in Getthem. Bat-Gent jumped in and he jumped out onto a rooftop in Getthem by the docks. The masked figure went back to the place the dirty bomb was at and he took the bomb to the Little Island Prison. Then he went back to the rooftop Bat-Gent was at. When he did, Bat-Gent hit the masked figure from the side. This sent the masked figure to the rooftop floor and Bat-Gent picked him up and held him like he was any other bad guy.

“What did you do to them?” Bat-Gent asked.

“You know (coughs), as many times as you’ve hit me in all those dimensions, it still hurts. I don’t know why I expect you not to hurt me after I do anything that helps you out. Especially in this dimension. Ow. You really got my side good. ” said the masked figure.

“What are you talking about?” asked Bat-Gent.

“Well, if you let me go, I can explain everything. I can even show you if you’d like.” The figure opened up a portal and offered Bat-Gent his hand. “Would you like to hold my hand, Bat-Gent?”

Bat-Gent didn’t say anything. He just walked to the portal and stepped in. He waited for the figure to follow him and he did. They both went through the portal and then the masked figure started to explain things to him.

“Are you familiar with the theory that there is a dimension where certain things happened or didn’t happen?” the masked figure asked Bat-Gent.

“I am familiar with such things.” Bat-Gent replied.

“Good. Then this will be slightly easier to explain. You see, the world you know is only 1 dimension. There are infinite dimensions. There are dimensions where you never became who you are because your parents never died, a dimension where you also died in the incident and a different superhero came about to save Getthem, a dimension where you save Getthem and no crime exists – there’s even a dimension where you call yourself something else, your enemies names are different, and even your city’s name is different. Those are just a few dimensions to contemplate.”

“What does all this have to do with what you did back there?”

“Good question. I am Kevin. I help people in different dimensions. It’s my job. Think of me as a superhero like yourself, but I am a part of a whole league that helps people. I come from the “Big Dimension”, if you will. The dimension that helps all dimensions and knows every dimension, even as they come into existence. We are virtually indestructible. We still know pain, but almost never know death other than in the form of old age. What I did for you was just one of many tasks I had to do today. Luckily that was my last one for the day.”

“What exactly did you do to the super villains, Kevin?”

“If you’re wondering if I killed them, I didn’t. Some are going to die in the dimensions they’re in, but that is more because of the choices they have made in their “new” dimensions. Every villain I dropped off in a different dimension. I gave them all new chances to start fresh. Some are making choices as we speak to become the best they can be in their new homes, while others are becoming the worst they can be. Only one has yet to make a decision as to what he will try to be in his new home. Ah, I believe this is our stop. Right back at home, as it were.”

“Do you know what will become of this dimension’s Getthem?” Bat-Gent asked.

“Yes, as a matter of fact. Crime begins to decline, people feel safer, and the heroes have won in the fight against evil in this city. However, if you should feel that you actually want to be fight evil once more, wait one week and then be on this rooftop at about 11:59 p.m.” said Kevin.


“No, 11:59. It’ll make sense at the time.” Kevin opens up one last portal. “Oh! Before I leave, I feel that there is something I should mention. Remember that time you and the daughter of that Allen-Gould person? Yeah, spoiler alert: She’s pregnant. With your child. I left her here. She’s in warehouse 20, unconscious and has what I call “selective amnesia”. She doesn’t know who you really are but that can be changed. She doesn’t remember being evil, nor will she ever be able to remember that she ever was. Think of it as a little gift.”

“Thanks for the gift.”

“Yeah, well … goodbye!” said Kevin. He stepped into the portal and was gone forever.

Bat-Gent went back to the Mansion Cave and explained everything to Freddy, Brenda, and Gray. Though they were shocked, they all thought it was amazing.

A whole week went by without any super villains and the heroes were starting to feel like they were not needed. The three waited on the rooftop at 11:59 p.m. like Kevin said, when they saw something come crashing towards them. It was a metallic robot. A young man went after him, but he was jumping incredible distances as he followed him.

The heroes joined the young man and helped him defeat the robot, for the moment anyway.

“Thanks for the help. I’m –”

“We know who you are. We know your father. I worked with him a couple of times.” Bat-Gent interrupted.

“Good. I noticed you three knew exactly what to do back there. Have you guys taken on such villains as he?” asked the young man.

“Well, once or twice.” Answered Bat-Lady.

“It’s been 4 times, but who’s counting?” said Bat-Boy.

“4 times?! Really? That was my first. I could use some help fighting bad guys back in my home town. Even if it’s just giving me advice, you three would really be very helpful in my adventures. Think you guys could give this city a break and come help me?”

“I think we could do that, right, Bat-Gent?” asked Bat-Lady.

“We’d have to get our things in order here first. Besides, there’s someone I have to talk to about this first.” Bat-Gent replied.

“Ooh. Bat-Gent has to check with his wife first. Man, are you whipped!” Bat-Boy teased.

“I think you have to check with a certain young lady before you make the move to the new city as well, don’t you, baby bird?” Bat-Gent teased back.

Bat-Boy stopped laughing and said, “Dang!”


What story line for a superhero you like would you make?


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