ByKit Simpson Browne, writer at
Writer-at-large. Bad jokes aplenty. Can be gently prodded on Twitter at @kitsb1
Kit Simpson Browne

Now, there aren't too many superheroes more fundamentally messed up than Deadpool. Whether we're talking about his deep psychological instability, his love of bloody murder, or his willingness to break the fourth wall at more-or-less any moment in the most meta way possible, he's not what you would call...reliable.

He is, however, a hero (well, anti-hero) with a whole lot of history - some of which is...well, pretty much exactly as insane as you might imagine.

With his first solo movie hitting theaters, then, it seemed like it was well past time to take a closer look at some of the strangest secrets the Merc with a Mouth has been hiding/forgotten all about/neglected to tell his local priest.

Meet Thirteen of Deadpool's Dirtiest Secrets

Note, this isn't one of them.
Note, this isn't one of them.

First up?

1. He Was Originally a Villain

Or, rather, he was much less an anti-hero, and more a snarky bad-guy hired to take out his soon-to-become best frenemy Cable.

Which didn't really last, since the powers-that-be at Marvel realized he'd be way more fun if we were actually able to like him as a person. That being said:

2. He Still Really, Really, Really Likes Killing People

Especially when those people are beloved comic-book icons (even if it's rarely in the mainstream Marvel Universe)...

3. ...Including Himself

Yep, that was totally a thing. At one point an evil version of Deadpool started going around killing all of the other alternate reality Deadpools. Which ended up being about as insane as you might imagine...

That being said:

4. He's Not Too Fussy About His Employers

Or, for that matter, all that good at screening them...

5. ...And Not on Great Terms with Most Heroes

Especially Daredevil, who isn't exactly known for his great sense of humor and moral flexibility...


6. He's Done Some Pretty Fundamentally Terrible Things

Including being a consistently terrible boyfriend/husband to a whole lot of different women...and, of course...

7. ...Including Killing His Own Parents

Though, in fairness, he was tricked into doing it, and has no idea he did it...

8. He Once Set a Live Elephant on Fire

Though on the plus side, he managed to get a great joke in as a result (and he was fighting the ghost of Teddy Roosevelt at the time, so, y'know, maybe we should give the guy a break)...

9. ...And He Doesn't Really 'Do' Empathy

Though gallows humor he's got down.

10. Also, He Once Shot a Guy for...Well, This...

Which, while not an entirely un-common response, is still waaaay over the line. George Lucas would not be amused.

11. His Jokes Tread the Line Between Appalling and Truly Perfect

Though some - especially the Steve Miller Band-related ones - lean very much towards the latter...

12. Also, He Once Fed Himself to Archangel

Which, in fairness, was actually him trying to do the right thing, but even so...

The real secret, though? The deepest, darkest, ugliest truth behind Deadpool?

13. He's Actually Nowhere Near as Crazy as Everyone Thinks He Is

Y'see, a whole lot of why most of Deadpool's acquaintances in the Marvel universe think that he's a few fruit loops short of a cereal aisle is his constant breaking of the fourth wall - which to them comes across as complete insanity. In fact, though, he's simply aware of the true nature of his own existence.

Except for the whole 'actual clinical insanity' thing. That's still totally real.

What do you think, though?


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