ByHeather Snowden, writer at
Lover of bad puns, nostalgic feels and all things Winona. Email: [email protected] Tweet: @heathbetweetin
Heather Snowden

God knows where our favorite Disney characters would be without their trusty sidekicks knocking around to keep them on the straight and narrow. Can you imagine Bambi without Thumper? The poor fella would probably still be figuring out how to stand up. Or Dumbo without his mouse mate, Timothy? He'd be completely alone, bullied and totally miserable.

As I'm sure you're aware, we're getting a new adaptation of Beauty & The Beast in 2017, and Sir Ian McKellen and Ewan McGregor are playing Cogsworth and Lumiere. This lesson in perfect casting got us thinking of who could possibly play our other favorite Disney, allow a little daydreaming...

Sebastian - The Little Mermaid

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje

This dude played Mr. Eko in Lost, a former fake-priest-slash-drug-lord turned real-priest-slash-pillar-of-morality. Like Sebastian, he is basically appointed to keep the important folk safe, like that time he held three newcomers captive when they washed up on shore. Additionally, he's got a damn sexy voice, can sing and could, undoubtably, beat you in a staring competition.

Flora, Fauna and Merryweather - Sleeping Beauty

Meryl Streep, Judi Dench, Maggie Smith

Can you imagine a fairy godmother wish list more awesome than these three Hollywood goddesses? Via various roles, each of these women have proved pretty handy in sticky situations and I'd argue they'd be even better than the original trio in Sleeping Beauty, who took about a decade to decide on a color for Aurora's dress. I mean, can you even imagine how badass Streep would be with wings? Right?

Thomas O’Malley - The Aristocats

Jon Hamm

Thomas O’Malley the alley cat, the ultimate pawed bachelor. He lived his merry free life, roaming the ruleless streets of his self-made kingdom, until falling head-over-heels with Duchess and sorting her shit out. Add an 'old fashioned' or two and you've basically got Don Draper in a nutshell, tag lines and all.

"That's pure O'Malley, baby."

Thumper - Bambi

T.J miller

Loyal, funny and goddamn adorable, Thumper is the package sized best friend every deer would be lucky to have. Improvisation master and comedian, T.J. Miller's curly locks and boyish charms would make the perfect cuddly companion.

Pegasus - Hercules

Paul Rudd

I think Paul Rudd was basically made from clouds by a God anyway, so I don't feel I need to explain this one too much. Anyone who has seen Clueless knows that Rudd is super loyal, friendly, has a meltingly cute smile and a tiny jealous streak. Add some wings and a couple of sets of hooves, et voila.

Timothy - Dumbo

Daniel Radcliffe

What Timothy lacks in height he makes up for in bravery and unfaltering loyalty to Dumbo, which is basically Harry Potter and Dumbledore, if you think about it. Plus, tell me you can't see Radders playing that part where they get high on water, hallucinate pink elephants and wind up sleeping in a tree... can you?

Jiminy Cricket - Pinocchio

Bryan Cranston

Controversial, but hear me out. Ok, so, forget the meth for a minute, let's look at the comparisons here...

Jiminy Cricket and Walter White. Both are very wise, both are pretty optimistic and both have little to no fear facing enemies much bigger than them in order to protect their loved ones. Think about WW's relationship with Jessie, time and time again he picked him up and placed him back on the right track, just as Jiminy did with Pinocchio. They really loved each other underneath it all. Plus, JC and WW both know how to rock sharp head gear.

Gus & Jaq - Cinderella

Seth Rogen and James Franco

They're best buds who dance, sing and know the importance of good accessories (pearl necklace, anyone?). But enough about Rogen and Franco... Gus and Jaq are basically the masterminds behind Cinderella's entire future happiness and freedom. I can totally picture Seth and James sneaking a little princess out of her family home so she could go to the party. In fact, that was probably a Freaks & Geeks episode.

Baloo - The Jungle Book

Bill Murray

I'd somehow blocked from my mind that this one is actually happening and I legitimately cannot think of a more perfect person to play the lovable, pun-tastical bear, Baloo, than Bill Murray.

Olaf - Frozen

Owen Wilson

Owen Wilson clearly enjoys a nice warm hug as much as the next lovable snowman, and, just like Olaf is an absolute champ at creating awkward yet super adorable situations. Comical, a little bit goofy and an eensy bit naive, Owen Wilson as Olaf would defo melt a few frozen hearts.

Dory - Finding Nemo

Emma Stone

Smart chick with an on-point sense of humor, Emma Stone is a great match for playing Dory, Marlin's sidekick in Finding Nemo. Making short-term memory loss totally hilarious, characteristics which, by rights, should be annoying as hell come across as fun and adorable. Plus, Dory's a clever one, too. She can speak whale AND read human!

Abu - Michael Cera

Michael Cera would make a pretty great kleptomaniac, don't you think? He'd steal bread for you, KO a parrot for you. He'd bring the bants right up to the Sultan's Palace, knock the door down and put an end to that asshole, Jafar.

Plus I bet he'd look pretty fresh in Abu's waistcoat and fez combo.

Timon & Pumbaa - The Lion King

Simon Pegg & Nick Frost

Ok, so these two have taken on zombies and aliens together already, so clearly a couple of loose lions and a pack of hyena's ain't gonna phase them one bit. They've got the double act thing nailed, they work well together musically, like the same food, plus they even look like Timone and Pumbaa, so it really wouldn't require much work.


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