ByDan White, writer at

Film 1 in a new feature in my movie reviews I’m calling “Random Movie Roulette” is 2008’s “Bronson”. This film looks at the life of Michael Gordon Peterson, better known as Charles Bronson. Born into a respectable middle-class family, Peterson would become one of the United Kingdom’s most dangerous criminals, and is known for having spent almost his entire adult life in solitary confinement. Right of the bat, the first thing I want to talk about is Tom Hardy’s performance. He has just become one of my favourite actors because of this. Today we know Tom as the new Mad Max and Bane in The Dark Knight Rises. I was slightly confused as to why Bronson decides to fight several policemen naked covered in paint. Was it meant to be war paint as he called it? Another thing that confused me was the scene which had all the loonies dancing to “It’s a Sin” by The Pet Shop Boys. I didn’t know that they were allowed to have a disco. I just dubbed that scene “weird”. Apart from that, the rest of the film was really fun to watch. I would say I recommend this but it is only for those who can handle brutal fight scenes. And Tom Hardy naked fighting policemen. For those interested, there is one Nicolas Windng Refn film in the “1001 Films to See Before You Die” challenge in 2011’s “Drive” which I will review at a later date. Fun Fact of the Film – Charles Bronson has seen this film and called it, “theatrical, creative, and brilliant”. He also praised Tom Hardy for his portrayal calling him “Britain’s Number One Actor”. The only things he didn’t like was the implied distance between him and his father and the portrayal of his uncle, Paul Edmunds as “a bit of a ponce”. If you have seen this film then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 2008’s “Bronson”


Film – Bronson

Year – 2008

Director – Nicolas Winding Refn

Written by – Brock Nornam Brock & Nicolas Windng Refn

Staring – Tom Hardy, Kelly Adams, Luing Andrews

IMDb Rating – 7.1/10

My Rating – 7.4/10

Length – 92 min (1h 32min)

Genre – Action, Biography, Crime

We open with a Bronson monologue

Why is Bronson naked in a cage?

And why is he covered in oil and blood?

Stop staring at me!!

Flashback to Bronson growing up

Bronson justed knocked out a teacher with a table

Bronson’s first job was working in a fish n chip shop

And now he’s beating up police

Well… That policeman no longer has an ear

Bronson tells us about the post office he robbed making about £56 and ended up with 7 years in prison

Why is Bronson in a suit wearing white face paint telling jokes?

His stand up routine reminds me on Al Murray

Prison is like a hotel?!?

I’m getting dizzy

The police are making Bronson work a sewing machine

Well… That’ll teach him to attack policemen

Bronson’s gets a warm welcome by a few prisoners

Now Bronson’s a teaboy

What’s Cliff Richard doing here?

Tea with no milk or sugar?

He compliments Bronson’s arms before leaving

Back to the stand up and Bronson says he’s being released on parole

Shout out to The Sun newspaper

Sounds like singing you hear at a football game

Now Bronson is in The Funny Farm

Did he just shit in his own hand?

You can’t use shit a shaving cream


That’s the quickest knockout drug I’ve ever seen

Someone comes up to Bronson saying the police are scared of him

Fancy beating up a 9-year old girl?

Pet Shop Boys? Why are they playing in The Funny Farm? And why play “It’s a Sin”?

Well.. That was weird

“Loonies are great… but they are loony”

Back with the man with the cardigan who wiggles his finger at him while listening to classical music

Bronson then chokes the man with a tie

Back to the stand up with Bronson doing his best 2-Face impression

26 years and he hasn’t killed anyone

Why is he wearing David Bowie’s make-up?

Time for Charlie vs Broadmoor

Bronson says The Queen has had enough and labelled him “Sane”

He’s been let out and reunited with his parents

Bronson wants to know where all his childhood belongings are

Why is all my stuff in Lutton?

Bronson then heads to Lutton to find Uncle Jack

Locked? Gate? Fuck that! I’ll walk around

Does Uncle Jack think he’s Hugh Heffner?

So… He has woman and men dressed as women

One woman says kissing his mustache would be like kissing a fanny

Jack says Bronson is staying for a while

Bronson then visits Cliff Richard who now owns a strip club

Cliff tells Bronson get a fighting sounding name

He wants to be Charlton Heston

Cliff comes up with Charlie Bronson

Time for a strip tease

I say tease all she’s wearing is tights

Can you tell I’ve been in a few fights

She gets turned on my big muscles

Time for an underground fist fight in a cow shed

The ultimate humiliation – PISS ON HIM

All that for £20

Time for more fights – This ones a handicap match

Why do the punches have lazer gun effects

Now it’s Bronson vs a ravid dog

Back home and Bronson says he loves the girl he’s been staying with

Who the fuck is Bryan?

Thanks for the £1000 ring

Bronson proposes to this girl but she says no as she’s marrying Bryan

And she’s kicked him out of the flat

And he’s back in prison after 69 days

All I did was bring you some books and now I’m being held hostage

Brosnon tells the owner that he’s holding Andy Love hostage for a ransom

He can have anything he wants – He tells him to fuck off

Bronson gets naked and rubs himself in some form of cream

After an ass kicking, Owner asks Bronson what he wants

Owner threatens to kill Bronson if he keeps on behaving in the way he does

After some time, Bronson is doing some artwork

An art teacher tells him to find something in his art that he doesn’t have already

They let him draw in his cell

These drawings are a bit… odd

Present for you Owner – It’s one of my drawings

This art teacher is a bit flamboyant

And the art teacher is out for the count

Back to the stand up and everyone seemed to love it

Well… That explains why he was all black at the start of the film

Bronson wants music

He wanted music and he got it

Is he doing performance art?

Now he’s gagged the art teacher with an apple and painted his face

I’m slightly confused about what’s happening

Bronson’s had enough fun – Now it’s time to fight

The last thing I want to see is a slow motion swinging cock and balls

The films ends by saying the real Bronson is still in prison



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